I feel like my boyfriend is losing interest what can I do to reverse this?

[stupidkittten]

We've been together for almost 2 years and recently moved cross the country together. We hit a rough patch for a while because of my anxiety but I'm trying to get better. Now I feel as though he's geniunely losing interest. I'm not sure if it's because of my anxiety or the fact that since we moved, I don't really have a life outside of him just yet. Also what are some subtle or obvious signs that I should watch for.

[losangelena]

What's he doing that's making you think that?

[stupidkittten]

What's he doing that's making you think that?

 

He's less likely to talk about issues in the relationship. Less likely to respect my wishes about certain things or help me with my anxiety. Anytime I try to talk about it or find ways to fix it, he assures me nothing is wrong but Idk. He still holds my hand and is as affectionate as usual but he has almost no patience when it comes to anything bad. I suggested me moving out so he can have space but he just says he doesn't need that, that all he needs is for me to chill out so I don't think it's irreversible just yet but I don't know what to do besides start keeping my complaints to myself.

[40 Fonzarelli]

I don't really have a life outside of him just yet.

 

This needs to change. Maybe he feels smothered. Stop being so available.

[stupidkittten]

This needs to change. Maybe he feels smothered. Stop being so available.

 

I would but we live together and we don't have a car right now. I'm hoping once I get a job I'll be able to make friends and then get out the house often.

[stupidkittten]

If you have anxiety problems, and you keep dumping them on your boyfriend, he is bound to lose patience after a while. Everyone needs support from time to time, but you need to learn to handle your anxiety problems without his assistance.

 

Yeah you're right. I try to talk to my friends first and only talk to him if absolutely necessary now but I think his patience with anything to do with me being jealous or feeling unappreciated has run out. Hopefully it's more a lost of patience that can be built back up vs a lost of interest that may not be able to be

[DaisyBug]

I'm not sure if it's gotten to this point, but if a person has to carry another's burdens to the point where the relationship ceases to be fun, walls start going up. At least he is still being affectionate, that's a good sign, but he is starting to withdraw so as to discourage any more negativity from you. Being with a downer gets kinda old after a while, you know? Not that you can't ask for his support, but a relationship needs balance.

 

 

I used to have anxiety, so I know how that feels! (Specifically hypochondria.) You have to do your best to get your mind off of your mind. Not having a job and being stuck at home is the worst thing for your anxiety. As the saying goes, an idle mind is the devil's playground!! If you don't keep your mind busy, you will fill it with junk. Use your time learning a foreign language. This will most definitely benefit you in your job search - Spanish, especially!!! There are free tutorials online. Do a Google search or go on YouTube. BTW, "Candy Crush" does not count as useful mental stimulation. Board games do count/anything played with partners.

 

 

Tell me this: What comes first, the thoughts or the feelings? In other words, do you start to feel anxious for no reason, then find reasons to worry? Or do you have a particular obsessive thought that comes to you first, something which results in anxiety?

 

 

Start doing things that are fun. NOT stuff that keeps you cooped up in the I know it's hard to get out of the house, but you HAVE to. WALK somewhere. Take the bus! Use Uber/Lyft! Whatever you do, take the focus off of yourself and focus on a task or activity. Anything to break the looping pattern.

 

 

Sorry, that doesn't quite answer your question - you were looking for possible signs of disinterest - but I think you already have your answer. That's not to say he's ready to throw in the towel, it doesn't sound that serious, but the time to get a hold of yourself is now before things get any worse.

[DaisyBug]

I think his patience with anything to do with me being jealous or feeling unappreciated has run out.

 

I didn't see this when I wrote my post above.

 

 

Being home all the time and focusing on him too much is bad enough, but jealousy on top of that? At least he still wants you living with him, but if this keeps up, you'll crowd him. Can you maybe find some free counseling in your area?

[stupidkittten]

I used to have anxiety, so I know how that feels! (Specifically hypochondria.) You have to do your best to get your mind off of your mind. Not having a job and being stuck at home is the worst thing for your anxiety. As the saying goes, an idle mind is the devil's playground!! If you don't keep your mind busy, you will fill it with junk. Use your time learning a foreign language. This will most definitely benefit you in your job search - Spanish, especially!!! There are free tutorials online. Do a Google search or go on YouTube. BTW, "Candy Crush" does not count as useful mental stimulation. Board games do count/anything played with partners.

 

Oh man, hypochondria is what started my anxiety. I've always had anxiety to some extent but then 3 years ago I had a few meltdowns and since then it's kind of manifested to where any thing that causes a slight worry, gets stuck. The language thing is a really good idea. We're always talking about traveling somewhere out of country together so that'd be extremely useful and I could teach things as I learn them to him. I think I'll actually look into that. Thanks!

 

 

Tell me this: What comes first, the thoughts or the feelings? In other words, do you start to feel anxious for no reason, then find reasons to worry? Or do you have a particular obsessive thought that comes to you first, something which results in anxiety?

 

It can be either but mostly the thoughts come first. There are a few thoughts that I obsessively wonder about. I constantly worry that he's going to like a particular coworker, that's probably the main one, which results in me acting sulkly and trying to go to him for reassurance. Then once I chill out about that, I end up feeling like I've gone too far and he's going to leave me which results in she's going to be seem appealing now. It's a cycle of crazy lol. Although I've improved tremendeously over the past few months but it's still definitely there. I find I still look for "signs". I can definitely tell it's a big manifestation of my hypochondria because it presents itself just the same although my anxiety over my relationship is nothing compared to how bad my health anxiety was.

 

 

Sorry, that doesn't quite answer your question - you were looking for possible signs of disinterest - but I think you already have your answer. That's not to say he's ready to throw in the towel, it doesn't sound that serious, but the time to get a hold of yourself is now before things get any worse.

 

I know. Most of the times he actually seems distant usually happen after an argument and then he goes back to normal but with less patience for the next time.

[DaisyBug]

 

It can be either but mostly the thoughts come first. There are a few thoughts that I obsessively wonder about. I constantly worry that he's going to like a particular coworker, that's probably the main one, which results in me acting sulkly and trying to go to him for reassurance.

 

I see. I was trying to figure out if your anxiety was either mental or actually physical, such as a hormone imbalance, adrenal fatigue, etc.

 

 

So your issue seems more in line with OCD. Hypochondria and OCD are closely related. I think the language learning should definitely be helpful, then! Glad you are considering it! You just have to force your brain to, how shall I say, "move forward" (if that makes sense) rather than doing loop-de-loops, and it will hopefully start to retrain itself.

[Redhead14]

We've been together for almost 2 years and recently moved cross the country together. We hit a rough patch for a while because of my anxiety but I'm trying to get better. Now I feel as though he's geniunely losing interest. I'm not sure if it's because of my anxiety or the fact that since we moved, . Also what are some subtle or obvious signs that I should watch for.

 

If you have an anxiety disorder or issue, the truth is, he doesn't have the skills to be able to help you beyond, comforting you and holding your hand. He feels helpless, I'd say. How do you feel when you just don't know what to do for someone? A little lost, right?

 

There's a lot going with just adjusting to a new environment also.

 

I don't really have a life outside of him just yet -- you gotta do this. If he's feeling like your only source of entertainment or support, he's going to be feeling smothered and will kinda shutdown. You're together all the time now, that's a big adjustment.

[xcupid]

Sounds like you could be dumping on him too much. Guys like to fix things and when they can't, they get frustrated. But there is tipping point and that can cause them to pull away and start ignoring you. Your insecurities about the relationship aren't helping either. He's probably feeling that his faithfulness is being questioned - and that isn't good for any relationship. If you can, get the help you need to work through your issues. He will appreciate you more if you make him feel happy and he does fun things with you. Find your own interests and give him his space. He has to feel good about being around you and it doesn't sound as though that is happening.

[Gary S]

Listen to Redhead.

 

Also, your thinking on moving out or getting a job so you'll have some healthy space is a good idea. I think once you get busy and round out your life more things will look brighter for you. Good luck to you!

[elaine567]

If this is the same guy with the anger issues you already spoke about, then I guess he is not helping your anxiety one bit.