lj.cc Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) I know that this is long, but please read because I need YOUR help PLEASE!!!! I love good fathers but sometimes it can be taken too far. I am dating a guy for 7 years now. I started dating him when his kids were 12 and13 and he had a crazy ex-wife. The kids are now (twin girls) 20 and (son) 21. I won't even go into the ex but his obsession with his kids is way out of control. Example: He won't go on vacation with me unless they come too. We had a 4th of July and our 7th anniversary weekend planned at the beach near our home. I was so excited! He decided to give his kids a birthday present and get them a room near ours. I didn't have a problem with this. However, he is not a big spender at all but he gave an unlimited credit card to them and their friends. I started having a problem when he kept going to their room to hang out with them and their friends. We were there with two other couples so I didn't want to leave them so I didn't go with him to the kids room. Not to mention, I wasn't there to see the kids. We went and sat on the beach for the fireworks and he didn't speak to me at all. Spent every moment talking to them while I watched the two other couples enjoying the romantic setting. Before we went to see the fireworks, he told me that he promised the kids that he would take them to this specific bar after. I was annoyed and said, "The twin girls aren't 21". He said, "I'll get them in. What am I going to do, I promised"? Whatever! Well, while sitting on the beach, I heard his one daughter say, "Dad, we are not into the bar". He said, "Come on, it will be a blast". He begged them!They went afterwards and I heard that they had trouble getting in. Another Saturday night alone with two other couples. We were at the pool and here comes the kids with their friends and off he went to hang with the girls. As soon as he started talking to the twins, their friends backed away and waited with uncomfortable looks on their faces. I swam up to him and pulled him away so they could get back to their friends. He hung out with me a couple of hours a ta time but did everything in his power to be with them. Every morning of the 3 days, he went food shopping for them to bring food to their suite. I guess he wanted to make sure that they were having a good time. Not sure. He's very controlling so maybe he feels the need to control their good time because (and I am just guessing here) he doesn't think that they can accomplish a good time on their own?!. Constantly making sure they were having a blast. In the 7 years with them, he never once disciplined them. They don't clean, cook, shop or anything. One time they cleaned the house and he bought them a bunch of food for the (no reason) party that they were having that night. I said, "You are providing the food"? He said, "Yeah, I owe them, they cleaned the house". I was like, "Of course they cleaned the house, they were having 25 people over and they told him to leave! REALLY?? While they were going to middle and high school, he woke them up every morning for school right up until college. They walk around with his credit card. Don't get me wrong,they are nice kids but his son used to be up playing video games until 4AM every night the summer before leaving for college. I said, "Listen, when he goes to college, who is going to get him out of bed in the morning? You need to get him ready for that now and get him an alarm clock, take those video games away and let him grow up a little". Now I'm not a perfect mother but my 3 kids are all college graduates and extremely successful so I'd like to think I have some good advice. Well, son went to college and didn't get out of bed and failed for two years until he finally came home. Hung out with his friends, no job and no money. Before I finally got him a job working for my son, him and his friends were having parties at my boyfriend's house so that's when my boyfriend would come and stay with me (after he greeted all of his son's friends of course which was about 10PM at night). One Saturday night he went to one of his son's parties and was up drinking with all of them until3AM. He asked me to go but I didn't want to hang with a bunch of teens. When his son's car needed tires, Daddy came through. We went on ONE vacation together without the kids in 7 years and one of the kids could not believe that we went without her. She made it very clear! One time we woke up on a Saturday and went and got massages together. When we got back his daughter, 19 at the time said, "Where were you guys"? We said, "We went for a massage". She said,"OMG, why didn't you take me too"? I was wondering why he pushed us out so early that morning. As it turns out, he wanted to get back before they woke up. One time I texted him to go see a movie and he said, "Sure"!I said, "What do you want to see"? He said, "Jersey Boys". I said, "I would rather wait until we go with your kids because they said that they wanted to see that too". He said, "Too late, I already told them that they were coming. I didn't know that they weren't invited". So basically, when I asked him to the movies, in his mind "Of course they are coming too". I had a fit so he told them forget it. Now they were mad at me. When they are away, he is all over me. So much fun, spends weekends with me,treats me like gold and loves me to death. But as soon as they come home, I barely get a phone call. I love his kids, I practically raised them as teens,gave them everything, love, gifts and advice and NEVER once argued with any of them. From the time they were 12, if we ordered dinner, went to movies or went on vacation, the kids picked dinner, picked the movie and chose the vacations.If I said something different, I lost. I didn't complain because I knew that they would grow up and be on their own soon. This is what a person expects when she gets involved with a man with young children. I still love them but nowit's to a point where I avoid them and I don't like how I feel. I am always left out and as long as they are around, I am nothing. But as soon as they are gone,I am a Princess to him. I know this was long but it's still just the tip of the iceberg. So much more has happened but I just can't write it all. Am I being selfish? Edited July 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Please learn how to post properly worded posts, proper grammer and punctuation is also needed to make your post readable
yxalitis Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 You've put up with this for 7 years!!! Me ex was (is) obsessive about her daughter, and it eventually drove us apart... However, you've already invested 7 years, and the kids are nearly adults now... I'd put my foot down, and move out for a month, tell him you feel unloved. 1
Author lj.cc Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 I don't live with him and yes, I told him that I don't feel loved. He apologizes and does it again. Like I said, without the kids the relationship is amazing until they come along.
BluEyeL Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 It seems too much indeed. Why do you still live separately after 7 years together? 1
yxalitis Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 It seems too much indeed. Why do you still live separately after 7 years together? Guessing because of the kids.
DaisyBug Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Wow, he seems obsessive indeed. If he DIDN'T have his kids to obsess over, and just had you, what kind of BF/husband do you think he'd make? I think you would be the sole focus of his controlling behavior so, in a way, you're lucky the kids are deflecting some of that energy. Not sure 'waiting until the kids are out of the picture" is going to solve anything, but bring on some new problems, though I can't for the life of me imagine him letting them go. 1
Fleur de cactus Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I think this is a tough situation. I can picture what you have described. It seems you are sharing the love from the same man but you are getting a little bit from him. It is complicated since you do not live together. I think he is spending more time with his kids than with you, since you do not live under the same roof. What I think happen is that when they are at his place, they plan things together, they have fun with friends, whatever they do most of the time you are not included since you may not be there. Then it became a routine to do things together without you. When you are included you are seen as a outsider and not someone who is part of the family. His family is his kids. You come in second when his kids are not around. I don't know how to fix this since you did not live together for 7 years it seems like you agreed on this. You have to have a conversation with him. Very serious conversation and let him know how you feel.
yxalitis Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Wow, he seems obsessive indeed. If he DIDN'T have his kids to obsess over, and just had you, what kind of BF/husband do you think he'd make? I think you would be the sole focus of his controlling behavior so, in a way, you're lucky the kids are deflecting some of that energy. Not sure 'waiting until the kids are out of the picture" is going to solve anything, but bring on some new problems, though I can't for the life of me imagine him letting them go. The kids should already be "out of the picture" they aren't 5, 8, 9, or 11 5
NoMoreJerks Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Somehow, this guy reminds me of the character played by Kevin Spacey in American Beauty....... 1
NoMoreJerks Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Also, my soon-to-be-ex is doing the same thing with his 11 year old kid. The kid wakes up on his own, but refuses to get out of bed until he forces his dad to get to his room, get him up, into the bathroom, then into the living room in front of the TV, after which he goes to the kitchen to make him an elaborate breakfast... this is their routine every day. I can't imagine how you put up with that for 7 years, and continue to put up with it now that they are adults. What is the point? Have you asked yourself why you stay with this man? In what way does he satisfy your needs?
yxalitis Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 To put my story up here... Posted here on Steptalk (Where step parents come to vent). Advice about GF's 8YO daughter | Step Talk I'll update that post with the full story since I am living with a wonderful woman and her not-so-wonderful daughter. She is mid 30’s, the daughter is 8. What makes this tricky, is my girlfriend and her daughter are very, very close. Single mom, single daughter, Dad completely out of the picture. Before I moved in, they slept together in the same bed, NO, more specifically, they shared the same bedroom! The daughter has nowhere in the house that is just hers. There is my bedroom, and THEIR bedroom. Now we split the sleeping arrangement, one night in my room, one night in their room, together, a third night in their room, but in separate beds. This continued until I put my foot down, and now at last my gf has moved into the main room. The daughter is totally reliant on her mother. When we are out, and she wants to go to the toilet, she asks her mum to take her...she’s nearly 9! SHE STILL WIPES HER BUM! If my GF is having a shower..90% of the time, daughter will find some excuse to go into the bathroom, and stay there until she is finished. They often shower together. The daughter sees her mother naked more often that I DO! To me, the 8-year old is emotionally underdeveloped; I've raised two daughters to adulthood, so I have some immediate experience to draw from. She is very moody, and will overreact to very minor comments, bursting into tears. She gets into full-blown tantrums, just standing there bawling her eyes out, totally out of control. But when she’s in a good mood..she’s extremely immature…I won’t bore you with endless examples, she basically acts like a 4-year, again, I know what children at that age are like. Her mother is very strict, WILL discipline her, and admits that the daughter is a “difficult” child. IMHO, she spoils her with attention, over-mothers her, and at the same time is very strict with her. I raised my children differently, at 8 both my daughters were far more independent, more mature, but that's me, and my partner raised her daughter differently, that's fine, everyone raises their children as they think is best. The issue is that of course my coming into their life has really upset her…this is true in any single-mum, single child situation, but is especially hard for her because of this closeness. Now , I try, I REALLY try, but after 9 months, I feel nothing for this girl…in fact I’m starting to really dislike her! I talk to her all the time, read to her at night, play with her, do puzzles with her. I make sure to always day good night, good morning etc. If I don’t, she’s the first to tell her mum that I forgot. But when she’s in a mood, she’s atrocious! She will simply ignore me, I’ll ask questions, she’ll pretend not to hear. If mum’s around, she’ll say something to make her respond. …sometimes… Here’s the thing… I said that the mum is very strict with the daughter, will discipline her immediately, stop bad behaviour, make sure she does her homework, goes to bed, etc etc. EXCEPT when it comes to her bad behaviour towards me…then she pulls a softer line. Sometimes she won’t say anything at the time, but will instead talk to her afterwards. Example, daughter cracked the wobblies because I entered the bathroom while mum was in the shower, daughter was watching TV. You see, I'm not allowed to see her mother naked...! The DAUGHTER set this rule! My GF told me that early on in our relationship, the daughter said we can't see each other naked until we are married. What did GF say at the time? "OK” ??!! She should have explained to her about love, marriage…etc, instead she tells her daughter that we won't see each other naked…basically lies to her. So when we are in bed together, and she hears the daughter get up, she panics and rushes to get dressed so her daughter can’t see that she was nude in bed with me… WTF?? I’ve tried to talk to her, but that just leads to a major disagreement…I have to respect her views on her daughter, and how to handle the situation, even if I strongly disagree. Otherwise, we just fight! She says I have to not be a dad to her yet, which I agree with, but to stand there and watch her deal with a tantrum alone I hard for me as a parent and as her partner. Now, I have decided that I want to have a life with this woman, I love her, she loves me, we get on amazingly well. But how the heck do I cope with the daughter? She won’t magically change anytime in the next couple of years…I don't want to end up with us hating each other! In the end, I just gave up, and the pressure of all this drove us apart.
Author lj.cc Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 I didn't mention this in my story because my story was already too long, but I did live with my boyfriend for 5 of the 7 years together. I left and got my own place because living there was much worse. Instead of just seeing his behavior on the weekends (like I do now), I was seeing it daily. I thought it would end when they were 18 so I put up with it. Then when he just got more obsessed when they were 18, I packed it up and told him that I want to just date. At least this way, my nosed isn't constantly rubbed into this rejection, being on the sidelines, be 2nd even when you are part of the family physically. Because it's obvious that mentally he doesn't include me. He tells me that I am part of the family but actions speak louder to me. I am practically his neighbor and it works much better this way but there are still issues as you can tell. I understand your situation. In fact, as bad as it is with her daughter, at least you know that her child needs the attention. His kids are emancipated and he's the one still treating them like they're 5. Not to minimize what you are going through. I give you credit for tolerating that. You may want to consider being her neighbor, this way you can remove yourself from the situation. I can tell you this, the relationship would have been over if I hadn't moved out. He was very upset at first but he does see peace in our separation. At least when I'm home in my own house I don't feel second. Plus when we go out WITHOUT the kids, it's great. Just last night I was tired so I texted him to cancel a movie that we planned together. Well, he took that cancellation really well. (He usually pushes me to go anyway). I come to find out that one of his kids were home that wasn't supposed to be home. I was like, "Ok, that's why". It's just so annoying.
Author lj.cc Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 Wow, he seems obsessive indeed. If he DIDN'T have his kids to obsess over, and just had you, what kind of BF/husband do you think he'd make? I think you would be the sole focus of his controlling behavior so, in a way, you're lucky the kids are deflecting some of that energy. Not sure 'waiting until the kids are out of the picture" is going to solve anything, but bring on some new problems, though I can't for the life of me imagine him letting them go. That's actually a good point and being smothered is not me. However, when they were away for a couple of months, he didn't smother me at all but we didn't have one argument and really enjoyed each other until they came back. I mean the day they came back, I was kicked to the curb. I didn't know that they came back that day until I saw the change in his behavior. Then I asked and sure enough, I was on the mark.
Author lj.cc Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 I think this is a tough situation. I can picture what you have described. It seems you are sharing the love from the same man but you are getting a little bit from him. It is complicated since you do not live together. I think he is spending more time with his kids than with you, since you do not live under the same roof. What I think happen is that when they are at his place, they plan things together, they have fun with friends, whatever they do most of the time you are not included since you may not be there. Then it became a routine to do things together without you. When you are included you are seen as a outsider and not someone who is part of the family. His family is his kids. You come in second when his kids are not around. I don't know how to fix this since you did not live together for 7 years it seems like you agreed on this. You have to have a conversation with him. Very serious conversation and let him know how you feel. I didn't mention this in my story because my story was already too long, but I did live with my boyfriend for 5 of the 7 years together. I left and got my own place because living there was much worse. Instead of just seeing his behavior on the weekends (like I do now), I was seeing it daily. I thought it would end when they were 18 so I put up with it. Then when he just got more obsessed when they were 18, I packed it up and told him that I want to just date. At least this way, my nosed isn't constantly rubbed into this rejection, being on the sidelines, be 2nd even when you are part of the family physically. Because it's obvious that mentally he doesn't include me. He tells me that I am part of the family but actions speak louder to me. I am practically his neighbor and it works much better this way but there are still issues as you can tell.
Author lj.cc Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 Somehow, this guy reminds me of the character played by Kevin Spacey in American Beauty....... He's obsessed with all of their friends. He constantly wants them to think that he is the coolest dad and goes completely out of his way to prove that. He needs help but he's also ridiculously stubborn and cuts me off when I try to talk about it now.
Author lj.cc Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 Also, my soon-to-be-ex is doing the same thing with his 11 year old kid. The kid wakes up on his own, but refuses to get out of bed until he forces his dad to get to his room, get him up, into the bathroom, then into the living room in front of the TV, after which he goes to the kitchen to make him an elaborate breakfast... this is their routine every day. I can't imagine how you put up with that for 7 years, and continue to put up with it now that they are adults. What is the point? Have you asked yourself why you stay with this man? In what way does he satisfy your needs? I do love him and the dating scene makes me nauseas. No I don't have to have a boyfriend but it's going to be lonely until I find a new hobby.
DaisyBug Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 That's actually a good point and being smothered is not me. However, when they were away for a couple of months, he didn't smother me at all but we didn't have one argument and really enjoyed each other until they came back. I mean the day they came back, I was kicked to the curb. I didn't know that they came back that day until I saw the change in his behavior. Then I asked and sure enough, I was on the mark. He annoys me and I don't even know him. For me, I see red flags, even if the kids managed to cut the apron strings and move away. If he needs to obsess, he will find something else to obsess about. Kinda like a hypochondriac who obsesses about their health. They think they've got XYZ disease, gets tested, then is fine...for now. Then can't take it anymore and need to find another disease to obsess about. I could be wrong...but something's just "OFF" about him. 1
MoreAmore Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 When I read the title I was coming in prepared to say, "Man up! They're his KIDS." But see... they are his adult children now. This is NOT normal. They can have a close relationship with some respect to you. I'd talk and change or walk at this point. Are you willing to put that to the table if he doesn't change?
Diezel Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Break up with him. Make him your ex-boyfriend. Problem solved. Why do people complicate their own lives so much over a situation that clearly isn't worth it? 1
kendahke Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I don't live with him and yes, I told him that I don't feel loved. He apologizes and does it again. you're supposed to go walk it off. They've got the wagons circled and you're on the outside. Chances are, you'll always be on the outside, no matter how old they are. 7 years is long enough. Stop investing your youth in this guy. He has to see a future with you in it as an equal and he doesn't. If he did, this post wouldn't be here. 4
Eighty_nine Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Break up with him. Make him your ex-boyfriend. Problem solved. Why do people complicate their own lives so much over a situation that clearly isn't worth it? She's been with this guy for 7 years. People come with complications. All people. Sometimes you need to let go, but it's worth a shot to work on things. 2
Author lj.cc Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 I think this is a tough situation. I can picture what you have described. It seems you are sharing the love from the same man but you are getting a little bit from him. It is complicated since you do not live together. I think he is spending more time with his kids than with you, since you do not live under the same roof. What I think happen is that when they are at his place, they plan things together, they have fun with friends, whatever they do most of the time you are not included since you may not be there. Then it became a routine to do things together without you. When you are included you are seen as a outsider and not someone who is part of the family. His family is his kids. You come in second when his kids are not around. I don't know how to fix this since you did not live together for 7 years it seems like you agreed on this. You have to have a conversation with him. Very serious conversation and let him know how you feel. I just had a serious email exchange with him and told him everything. His response was, "I give in". Not sure what that means but my response was. We will see what happens.[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] I just want you to understand, that’s all. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] Please, let just clean the slate and as long as you understandme, we are fine. If it’s too much for you, then the future will tell. I just wantto put this conversation to rest.
Author lj.cc Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 He annoys me and I don't even know him. For me, I see red flags, even if the kids managed to cut the apron strings and move away. If he needs to obsess, he will find something else to obsess about. Kinda like a hypochondriac who obsesses about their health. They think they've got XYZ disease, gets tested, then is fine...for now. Then can't take it anymore and need to find another disease to obsess about. I could be wrong...but something's just "OFF" about him. I will tell you this. His mother raised him extremely selfish. She raised him that BLOOD IS EVERYTHING. She treats her daughter in-laws like they don't exist. She's the real problem. It annoys the heck out of me. Christmas, I get gifts that have other people's name on them. She forgot to remove the tag or whatever. He's gained a lot of weight and I am very weight conscious because of health especially. I told her that we were on a diet and she brought him chocolate chips cookies the next day. She was annoyed that I had him dieting with me. He's only doing what he's taught, that's why I keep trying. Anyway, I sent him the following email. The words in black are what he responded to an email prior to this one. I sent him one of many advice paragraphs so he would listen. The blue lettering is my response to each of his paragraphs. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3] [/sIZE] [sIZE=3]I'll dowhatever you want to solve this big problem. But I want to be part of my kidslife forever, and that is going to involve visits and vacations. And I thoughtwe got past this by agreeing that I would do more stuff with yours.. [/sIZE]Iwould NEVER tell you to have nothing to do with your kids. They better be inyour life forever or I will be turned off. No need to tell me that and you knowit[sIZE=3] [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Sothis past weekend was ok with me [/sIZE]sitting on the beach watchingthe other two couples sit there in a romantic setting andenjoy the fireworks while I sat alone celebrating our anniversary and the 4th of July[sIZE=3]? That has nothing todo with spending time with my family. That was just pure neglect. Telling methat you promised to take a bunch of teens to a bar and then finding out thatyou were the one that begged them to go the same night you neglected me on thebeach? Going food shopping for them daily when all you had to do was give themthe card? Constantly checking up on them? Don’t you think that they would’vestopped by to say “hello” if they wanted to see you?[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]But it'sgoing to get weird if you say we can't go over or they can't come over or wecan't travel anywhere with them because you feel slighted in some way. Slighted? I wish that was all. How about “Ignored,neglected and hurt”? You didn’t touch me or kiss me until they drove away. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]My answerfor you is to get involved with me with my kids, and I'll do the same with you.[/sIZE] [sIZE=3]I’vebeen very involved with your kids and all it got me was ignored and neglected.I have given my heart and soul to them and they don’t even show that they likeme. In case you haven’t noticed, they don’t even acknowledge me when I’m there.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Also, Iknow you like this blog crap, but consider the source..[/sIZE] [sIZE=3]Idon’t have any other source because you won’t talk about it more than 5minutes. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]I don’t want material things from you but since you are always giving. [/sIZE] [sIZE=3]Ishould be getting thousand dollar gifts and they should be getting what yougive me.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Ishould be walking around with your credit card and they should be walkingaround with their credit cards.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]As far as doing things for me.[/sIZE] [sIZE=3]WhenI come for dinner, I would like you to say, “Lj is coming so I want to cookHER favorite meal”.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Whenthe kids are having a teen party, it would be so nice if you got excitedbecause you have to stay at my house instead of going to the party.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Justrecognize our anniversary once[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iwould love to pick the movie we see when we go with the kids. That has NEVERhappened.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iwould love to walk in and you change the channel after watching 6+ episodes oftheir favorite show instead of adding another episode while I sit there.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Idon’t want to have to sneak out to get a spa treatment with you and have toworry about them getting one too.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Whenwe are invited to my family, couples only, please don’t call them to bring thekids.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Thereason I listed the above is because those are the things that make me feelUNIMPORTANT. I want alone time with my boyfriend; romance, sex, etc…[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Menshould have your woman problems. You are allowed to do all of this withoutneglecting your children. They are emancipated and everything moving forward isa gift from you, not mandatory.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]IDO ALL OF THIS FOR YOU. THAT’S WHY YOU FEEL IMPORTANT TO ME.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT][sIZE=3]For once, hear me and not be bitter. Please recognize what’s going on andhumble yourself. It only shows strength, not weakness. I know you, giving in isweakness to you even if it’s the right thing to do. I wouldn't put this muchenergy into this relationship if I didn’t love you. I don’t have a problemcommunicating, but I do have a problem bitching about the same thing over andover. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
Author lj.cc Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 I fixed it, just realized that the blog doesn't have colors. Sorry. I will tell you this. His mother raised him extremely selfish. She raised him that BLOOD IS EVERYTHING. She treats her daughter in-laws like they don't exist. She's the real problem. It annoys the heck out of me. Christmas, I get gifts that have other people's name on them. She forgot to remove the tag or whatever. He's gained a lot of weight and I am very weight conscious because of health especially. I told her that we were on a diet and she brought him chocolate chips cookies the next day. She was annoyed that I had him dieting with me. He's only doing what he's taught, that's why I keep trying. Anyway, I sent him the following email. The words in BOLD are what he responded to an email prior to this one. I sent him one of many advice paragraphs so he would listen. The regular lettering is my response to each of his paragraphs. I'll do whatever you want to solve this big problem. But I want to be part of my kidslife forever, and that is going to involve visits and vacations. And I thought we got past this by agreeing that I would do more stuff with yours... I would NEVER tell you to have nothing to do with your kids. They better be in your life forever or I will be turned off. No need to tell me that and you know it. So this past weekend was ok with me sitting on the beach watching the other two couples sit there in a romantic setting and enjoying the fireworks while I sat alone celebrating our anniversary and the 4th of July? That has nothing to do with spending time with my family. That was just pure neglect. Telling me that you promised to take a bunch of teens to a bar and then finding out that you were the one that begged them to go the same night you neglected me on the beach? Going food shopping for them daily when all you had to do was give them the card? Constantly checking up on them? Don’t you think that they would’ve stopped by to say “hello” if they wanted to see you? But it's going to get weird if you say we can't go over or they can't come over or wecan't travel anywhere with them because you feel slighted in some way. Slighted? I wish that was all. How about “Ignored,neglected and hurt”? You didn’t touch me or kiss me until they drove away. My answer for you is to get involved with me with my kids, and I'll do the same with you. I’ve been very involved with your kids and all it got me was ignored and neglected. I have given my heart and soul to them and they don’t even show that they like me. In case you haven’t noticed, they don’t even acknowledge me when I’m there. Also, I know you like this blog crap, but consider the source. I don’t have any other source because you won’t talk about it more than 5 minutes. I don’t want material things from you but since you are always giving. I should be getting thousand dollar gifts and they should be getting what yougive me. I should be walking around with your credit card and they should be walking around with their credit cards. As far as doing things for me. When I come for dinner, I would like you to say, “Lj is coming so I want to cook HER favorite meal”. When the kids are having a teen party, it would be so nice if you got excited because you have to stay at my house instead of going to the party. Just recognize our anniversary once I would love to pick the movie we see when we go with the kids. That has NEVER happened. I would love to walk in and you change the channel after watching 6+ episodes oftheir favorite show instead of adding another episode while I sit there. I don’t want to have to sneak out to get a spa treatment with you and have to worry about them getting one too When we are invited to my family, couples only, please don’t call them to bring the kids The reason I listed the above is because those are the things that make me feel UNIMPORTANT. I want alone time with my boyfriend. Men should have your woman problems. You are allowed to do all of this without neglecting your children. They are emancipated and everything moving forward is a gift from you, not mandatory For once, hear me and not be bitter. Please recognize what’s going on and humble yourself. It only shows strength, not weakness. I know you, giving in is weakness to you even if it’s the right thing to do. I wouldn't put this much energy into this relationship if I didn’t love you. I don’t have a problem communicating, but I do have a problem bitching about the same thing over and over.
Author lj.cc Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 Break up with him. Make him your ex-boyfriend. Problem solved. Why do people complicate their own lives so much over a situation that clearly isn't worth it? LOL, you're right!
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