TueJul07 Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) Writing out the title of this post alone made me realize how crazy it all sounds but dealing is a lot easier said than done. When I first met my ex we didn't really get along and I knew that he had girlfriend. As we became friends we also realized there was more than friendly interest. I didn't think that it would lead to anything serious and thought that it would be just a fling for him. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time either but low and behold we became crazy about each other. He ended the relationship with his then girlfriend and I asked him several times if he was sure of the decision he was making. I didn't want to be the rock that he tripped over only to realize he had made a mistake. He had always said that his ex was a great person but that there was always something missing and that he had found that with me. He was settling for her because he always believed that the "one" didn't really exist until he met me. He never spoke ill of her and admitted that he had been cheating on her even before he began anything with me because she didn't have time for him and that he didn't really feel like he was friends with her or could talk to her. So I became paranoid, not so much at the thought that he would cheat on me but he would do to me what he did to her, string me along for almost a year pretending to be in love and happy when he wasn't. So after 5 months of a really intense relationship I called it quits because I became unhappy. Paranoid. And insecure. I felt that he never really loved me and that ultimately he was only with me for reasons that he couldn't fulfill with his ex, not genuinely for me. All these things combined led to me feel trapped and unhappy. I loved him very much, but I couldn't stand the thought of being with someone who didn't really love me. After the breakup, where I abruptly ended it by not returning to his place (where I practically lived), asking for my things back, and so nonchalantly answering his question "So is this how you break-up with people?", with an "It's just easier this way." he deleted me on social media and was cold. Granted it was after a small fight that caused me pour out in anger over all my fears and resentments in the relationship. After a couple of weeks, and very minimal contact (mainly on my part, he would still text), I came to find out that he had gone back to his ex's parent asking for forgiveness, saying he was very sorry for what he had done and that he wanted to marry her and even had a ring to give her. I was shocked to say the least. In spite of being the one who ended the relationship I cannot help but feel hurt, insulted, humiliated and sad. I did love him and for a small fraction of time believed that I could repair myself and the issues I was having with our relationship and maybe even fix things with him. I've cut all contact with him and during our last conversation I even asked him to leave me alone. He wanted to talk about what I had heard about him going back to his ex but I didn't even give him the chance. When I told him that if he was looking to make himself feel better that he could spare me , he said "I'm not trying to make myself feel better, I'm just concerned about you." What a slap in my face! Basically no remorse on his part. So I didn't want to hear what I already knew. He was upset by it and even hung up on abruptly. After he reached out with a stupid excuse of finding one of my shirts and a pair of underwear. REALLY?!? Was I right about him the whole time? Did he prove me right by going back to his ex immediately after our break up? Was I the rock he tripped over? Did I make him so unhappy that he went back to her right away? I don't know if I should feel like I dodged a bullet or that it's karmic retribution? I know I did wrong in the beginning but I can't help but feel awful about the whole thing. It doesn't stop me from loving him or even feeling hurt by the way it unfolded. I guess I'm looking for a way to explain it to myself so I can rationalize and move on. Edited July 7, 2015 by TueJul07 wrong title...
kismetkismet Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 He is a cheater... not just with you specifically, but a cheater in general.. that's never a good thing. He was content to string along his ex, lying to her about how he felt, while cheating on her casually with other people. Knowing that he is capable of that should have been a bad sign. People that are mature, considerate, and caring in relationships wouldn't do that. They would be honest with the person even if they didn't have good or strong feelings towards them. They would not use them and lie to them. No matter how in love/not in love you are. You should treat people decently always. Not just when you are in love with them. I imagine you were right about him.. he seems selfish and fickle, manipulative even. Always pay attention to how a guy speaks about and treats his exes. Not to say they should praise them endlessly.. but if he'll cheat on a girl with you, and say things like that to you about the person he lies to about loving them.. chances are he'll keep doing similar things. It's nice to think you might be the magic person to fix the bad behaviour of someone, but 90% of the time that is not the case.
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