Does your SO's Facebook Relationship status matter?

[Toodaloo]

The thing is, it's not nitpicking. It's just a simple conversation to address things he glossed over in the past and I failed to properly require explanations for. He's brought up things in the past I considered petty or he's reacted in ways i thought were unjustified. But guess what? That's what I think. He's his own person. All I can do is listen and try to reassure and explain so we can get past things. That's all I'm asking for here. An honest conversation so I can explain why I feel the way I do sometimes and he can explain his perspective so we can move on. I don't think that's so bad.

 

And the present thing - i agree, i should've broached that better regarding the BDAY present. But it's the VDAY incident that left me with doubts. What's so wrong with openly communicating that so, again, we can understand each other better, discuss and move from there.

 

Stop apologising and just walk away.

 

I don't know why people feel the need to stay when the relationship is clearly bad these days??? Use your feet and walk. Do not contact him move on and find someone who actually cares about you so you do not need to fret this stuff.

[mg101]

mg, please stop calling/texting.

 

Didn't I tell you if you confronted him, he would only toss you more bullshyt?

 

Which is precisely what he did by responding he wants to discuss it too, blah blah.

 

He has no interest in discussing ..... this otherwise he would NOTstill be ignoring you....

 

Leave this and him alone.....he's just not worth it hon.

 

I'm sorry.

 

He just texted me now to say "We need to talk i really dont want say everything over text, it makes it seem like I'm flipping things. I wasn't up ignoring you babe. I was tired yesterday and had to be up early. Started playing soccer again. Not trying to push you away."

[katiegrl]

He just texted me now to say "We need to talk i really dont want say everything over text, it makes it seem like I'm flipping things. I wasn't up ignoring you babe. I was tired yesterday and had to be up early. Started playing soccer again. Not trying to push you away."

 

He was tired and needed to get up early? Babe? ::eyeroll::

 

mg, do what you will. If it were me, I would walk, but you do what's right for you.

 

Hope it works out for ya.....

[katiegrl]

He just texted me now to say "We need to talk i really dont want say everything over text, it makes it seem like I'm flipping things.

 

 

***I wasn't up ignoring you babe. ****

 

 

I was tired yesterday and had to be up early. Started playing soccer again.

 

***Not trying to push you away."***

 

Quote in asterisk.... why would he say this? Did you accuse him of ignoring you.....and/or of pushing you away?

 

Good god I hope not!

 

His response sounds quite defensive..... like he was defending himself against being accused of something.....like ignoring you and pushing you away.

 

To me it all sounds like more bullshyt...... just appeasing you.....biding his time.

 

Does not look good IMO.

Edited July 10, 2015 by katiegrl

[mg101]

Quote in asterisk.... why would he say this? Did you accuse him of ignoring you.....and/or of pushing you away?

 

Good god I hope not!

 

His response sounds quite defensive..... like he was defending himself against being accused of something.....like ignoring you and pushing you away.

 

To me it all sounds like more bullshyt...... just appeasing you.....biding his time.

 

Does not look good IMO.

 

I did say hope he;s not ignoring the issue. And his actions are having the effect of pushing me away.

I'm not responding to any more texts period.

[katiegrl]

I did say hope he;s not ignoring the issue. And his actions are having the effect of pushing me away.

 

 

***I'm not responding to any more texts period****.

 

Fabulous. And don't initiate any more texts or calls either.... you've reached out enough.

 

Ball is in his court now.....if he truly wants to talk and resolve this.... let him come find you.

[mg101]

Fabulous. And don't initiate any more texts or calls either.... you've reached out enough.

 

Ball is in his court now.....if he truly wants to talk and resolve this.... let him come find you.

 

Exactly. Not replying to these texts anymore. Plus I need a day or two before I'm even ready to talk to him, and I'm certainly not initiating anything anymore.. He can press it if it's now important to him.

 

See what happens when you try to be mature and communicate better? He always asked me to say what's on my mind more, communicate and not shut down, blah blah. Yeah, seems like some guys respond to passive aggressive, classic push and pull behavior better despite what they claim to actually want.

[RoseVille]

Hidden relationship status does not mean person is single. Saying you're single means you're single. Hidden just means you don't care to share that info. Mines been hidden since I started in 2008. Have been in and am currently in a relationship. I post pics with my girl so it's quite apparent anyway.

 

I agree with this. I have very obviously married friends who don't post their status, it's hidden.

 

And the friends I have who post their status as single... They're single.

 

I would mention it.

[katiegrl]

Exactly. Not replying to these texts anymore. Plus I need a day or two before I'm even ready to talk to him, and I'm certainly not initiating anything anymore.. He can press it if it's now important to him.

 

See what happens when you try to be mature and communicate better? He always asked me to say what's on my mind more, communicate and not shut down, blah blah. Yeah, seems like some guys respond to passive aggressive, classic push and pull behavior better despite what they claim to actually want.

 

I have always found that after a fight or disagreement, what men actually respond to is NO CONTACT.

 

When a woman continues to push for more communication, more time, more anything ..... men become apathetic... and go cold.

 

It is only when she starts ignoring him, and goes no contact, when he starts to perk up ....and is ready to listen and resolve.

 

My experience.

[RoseVille]

I posted without reading the whole thread; obviously there have been developments...

[mg101]

I have always found that after a fight or disagreement, what men actually respond to is NO CONTACT.

 

When a woman continues to push for more communication, more time, more anything ..... men become apathetic... and go cold.

 

It is only when she starts ignoring him, and goes no contact, when he starts to perk up!

 

My experience.

 

Thank yooouu. Yet he always pressed me NOT to do that and when I try to, this kind of thing happens more than once. Yeah, how about back to Plan A. I'm upset, I'm ignoring you and you can come to me. As petty as it sounds, it's the pattern I've noticed with my past dealings with men as well. Do the "games" ever stop. Geez. I guess my mother was right, always said the balance needs to always be titled in your favor in a relationship. And she's been married happily for 40 years.

[RoseVille]

I have always found that after a fight or disagreement, what men actually respond to is NO CONTACT.

 

When a woman continues to push for more communication, more time, more anything ..... men become apathetic... and go cold.

 

It is only when she starts ignoring him, and goes no contact, when he starts to perk up ....and is ready to listen and resolve.

 

My experience.

 

I've been dating for over 20 years, and this is sadly really true.

[mg101]

I've been dating for over 20 years, and this is sadly really true.

 

 

 

Yess, RoseVille. See my post above. The older I get, the more I realize, my mother was right about so many things in life.

[katiegrl]

Thank yooouu. Yet he always pressed me NOT to do that and when I try to, this kind of thing happens more than once. Yeah, how about back to Plan A. I'm upset, I'm ignoring you and you can come to me. As petty as it sounds, it's the pattern I've noticed with my past dealings with men as well. Do the "games" ever stop. Geez. I guess my mother was right, always said the balance needs to always be titled in your favor in a relationship. And she's been married happily for 40 years.

 

Yeah, I have yet to figure out why men respond more to no contact and being left alone in situations like this........only that they do.

 

Maybe they just need time to think and to miss her...... so as to realize how much the woman means to him.

 

When a woman starts pushing to resolve before the rubber band is fully stretched .....the only thing he feels is meh.

 

Again, my experience.

Edited July 10, 2015 by katiegrl

[organizedchaos]

Yeah, I have yet to figure out why men respond more to no contact and being left alone in situations like this........only that they do.

 

Maybe they just need time to think and to miss her...... so as to realize how much the woman means to him.

 

When a woman starts pushing to resolve before the rubber band is fully stretched .....the only thing he feels is meh.

 

Again, my experience.

 

Because he thinks, "oh crap, maybe it's over" or "Maybe I really screwed up" or "Maybe she might be talking to another dude".

 

Makes our mind wander.

[mg101]

Yeah, I have yet to figure out why men respond more to no contact and being left alone in situations like this........only that they do.

 

Maybe they just need time to think and to miss her...... so as to realize how much the woman means to him.

 

When a woman starts pushing to resolve before the rubber band is fully stretched .....the only thing he feels is meh.

 

Again, my experience.

 

SPOT ON.

 

Because he thinks, "oh crap, maybe it's over" or "Maybe I really screwed up" or "Maybe she might be talking to another dude".

 

Makes our mind wander.

 

THIS. You're on to something. Versus when you're pressing it, he knows you care and sees it more as a nuisance to deal with later.

[katiegrl]

Because he thinks, "oh crap, maybe it's over" or "Maybe I really screwed up" or "Maybe she might be talking to another dude".

 

Makes our mind wander.

 

So you start to FEAR that you're losing her ....thus motivating you to take action? Interesting!

 

Ladies you listening? Disappear for awhile, make him wonder about you, fear that he is losing you.

[organizedchaos]

So you start to FEAR that you're losing her ....thus motivating you to take action? Interesting!

 

Ladies you listening? Disappear for awhile, make him wonder about you, fear that he is losing you.

 

Yes. Similar effect in a breakup. If dude dumps you and you vanish, IF he has any desire to reconcile, he may think he messed up if you've disappeared. He may think he's lost you forever, that you're just fine without him. It's his ego you're messing with. And if he ever does come crawling back, you're either in a spot to be fine without him or have a clear mind to make a decision since it hasn't been clouded by you pressing him.

[mg101]

Fabulous. And don't initiate any more texts or calls either.... you've reached out enough.

 

Ball is in his court now.....if he truly wants to talk and resolve this.... let him come find you.

 

An update: he's called four times since noon (2x on each of my phones) and texted 4 times as well. The second saying, please dont ignore him, he wants to talk face to face about everything. I replied a few hours later after the other texts saying i really wanted to talk wednesday and yesterday as well, but unfortunately i cant tonight. I almost feel bad because he's still texting but he'll be alright. I'll respond tomorrow.

[IronZ]

OP it's quite possible he doesn't even think about it at all and that's why he hasn't. Did you talk to him about it? How do you know he's against changing it? Personally speaking I don't even have my status showing (it's hidden). I prefer it that way. Nowadays people seem so fickle. I've had so many dating experiences lately where the girl will just lose interest or move on to someone else, or I will lose interest. There's no sense in prematurely changing the status just to change it back. I don't want to burden my friends and family with that drama.

 

Now since you've been together 8 months, I would say it's a bit more serious, so you can definitely talk to him about it.

[Acacia98]

I am SOOO trying to no longer be passive agressive in this relationship and instead communicate my feelings but at this point, I think I'm going to ignore him for a few days. He hasn't made me, us or the issue a priority, he's instead making it a bigger deal than it had to be. It honestly would've ended with a 15-20 min convo and we would've been done with this on Wednesday.

 

Communication is good. It's definitely worth working hard for. But, as you know, it can only work if both people want it and are committed to making it happen.

 

I've just read your more recent posts and they got me thinking: I came up with a few reasons why a guy would be hard to get hold of when you wanted/needed to talk to him:

1. In some cases, it's because he knows he has an advantage (i.e. if the balance of power in the relationship is tilted in his favor) and enjoys the idea of the woman desperately fighting to get his attention.

2. Alternatively, he may not want to address the issue that she wants to talk about because he doesn't want to lose some privilege he's been enjoying at her expense.

3. He is terrified of conflict and wants to avoid it at all costs.

4. He's in a relationship with a woman who's overbearing and doesn't allow him to "have a voice."

 

... et cetera...

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not a given that all guys avoid difficult conversations. There are specific reasons why each guy behaves the way he does. Getting to the specific reasons that inform your guy's behavior will help you better assess the state of your relationship and whether you're ideal for each other.

 

And you certainly don't have to play games in order to have a functional relationship. There are guys who prioritize communication and want to talk honestly with their girlfriends about issues that trouble them. Even if you're not in a relationship with such a guy, you can still set standards for healthy communication and do your part to stick to them. For instance, if you try to talk to your guy and he responds by ignoring you and going underground, let him. You have already made your desire to talk clear to him. He is very much aware that the issue is important to you. You don't have to call him multiple times to remind him. Take comfort in the fact that you have done your part and step aside and allow him to do his part. If the relationship matters enough to him, he will reach out to you. If it doesn't, he won't. Doing things this way allows you to do your bit without "playing games."