mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 His is still "single" from before we were dating. Been together 8 months. He's not really active on it but has a TON of friends and family on there including at least 3 exs I know of. My relationship status is hidden and always has been. In this situation, would you ask your SO to change it to in a relationship or at least hide it so it's not Single? Seems petty but then again maybe not. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Because he's not really active on there try to be less uptight about it. If he was on there multiple times per day & hadn't changed it in 8 months I'd be concerned. Have you ever asked him to update it? Try that before you freak out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Because he's not really active on there try to be less uptight about it. If he was on there multiple times per day & hadn't changed it in 8 months I'd be concerned. Have you ever asked him to update it? Try that before you freak out. I noticed it months ago and didn't really care because he doesn't post or anything on there anymore but got to thinking about it again. I've never mentioned it but maybe I'll browse his page when we're together and say, hey your status is still single, why dont you change it to in a relationship or at least hide it? I cant press for it to be in a relationship because mine isn't. I dont really believe in advertising your relationship on social media but by the same token, Single is advertising your status so I'd be ok with it being hidden at least... Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 You are crossing the line here, both in boundaries and in being a bit hypocritical. You can't ask him to change it to in a relationship when you don't even have that showing on your profile. Everyone knows hidden status means single just as much as single means single. But you are also crossing a few lines in other areas. First, it's not you who gets to decide what's on his page, or how it's listed. But more importantly, you would be demanding that he believe Facebook is as important as you think it is. You'd be projecting your feelings about it onto him. He doesn't use Facebook much, so it's safe to assume that he doesn't really care enough to go through and chang It. Let's be perfectly honest here... Do you want him to change it because it matters to you, or do you want him to change it because you want him to advertise that he isn't single? It sounds like an insecurity issue to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Since you said yourself that he doesn't really use it, I wouldn't read into it. It sounds like he doesn't care about it enough to have thought to change it. However, if YOU care about it, then after having been dating for 8 months, I would imagine tackling that situation as a playful little conversation, teasing him about noticing he was still single of Facebook.. however, this could lead to a more serious discussion about what you are and should you then both change it to in a relationship etc etc. It can be a fun and sweet thing to do together, if you feel you're ready. But I agree, that if that's not the state of mind that you're going into this with, then it's probably just insecurities on your part, and then I don't think you should ask him to change it, but rather think about where the insecurities are coming from: has he done anything to make you feel insecure? is it just some personal fears or baggage from previous heartbreaks or something? would defining a relationship provide you with security? and so forth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 let it go..this is not worth the energy. let him come up with it on his own and know he may not even think about it. do you have plans with him in the next few days, this weekend, does he call you and is he into you, is he dating you ? this is all that matters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 His is still "single" from before we were dating. Been together 8 months. He's not really active on it but has a TON of friends and family on there including at least 3 exs I know of. My relationship status is hidden and always has been. In this situation, would you ask your SO to change it to in a relationship or at least hide it so it's not Single? Seems petty but then again maybe not. He's not active on FB and your FB relationship status is hidden. Keenly is on to something. What's more important to you: that other people know you have a boyfriend, or that you want people to know he's no longer single? I think that's the crux of the matter. Seems like it is. After all, it's just FB. Who cares. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 (edited) Great advice on here. Well enough. I'll leave it alone. Maybe it is slight insecurity even though I don't agree that a hidden status is necessarily the same as stating single. It hasn't been important to me thus far so I agree it shouldn't be at this point. Our relationship is definitely defined in real life and outside of social media - we're exclusive and have been since January. As for whether he's done anything to make me feel insecure, not particularly. He did recently reveal that he was trying to reconcile with his ex when we first met (she's on his FB) but called it a wrap after we started dating. That was a bit of a surprise. Other than that, our relationship is generally good right now. Edited July 8, 2015 by mg101 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Great advice on here. Well enough. I'll leave it alone. Maybe it is slight insecurity even though I don't agree that a hidden status is necessarily the same as stating single. It hasn't been important to me thus far so I agree it shouldn't be at this point. Our relationship is definitely defined in real life and outside of social media - we're exclusive and have been since January. As for whether he's done anything to make me feel insecure, not particularly. He did recently reveal that he was trying to reconcile with his ex when we first met (she's on his FB) but called it a wrap after we started dating. That was a bit of a surprise. Other than that, our relationship is generally good right now. Good decision not to make a stink about his FB status. FB is over-rated anyway as a social platform. Either your boyfriend will eventually update his status or he won't. Since you have real life, offline confirmation that the relationship is solid and that people know you're a couple, then the whole FB thing isn't worth sweating over because it's small stuff in the grand scheme of life. As for his ex, keep your eye on her. Ex-girlfriends can be a real pain in the ass in general to their ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend. So, I hope you can rest well about it now. After all, it's only FB. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Hidden relationship status does not mean person is single. Saying you're single means you're single. Hidden just means you don't care to share that info. Mines been hidden since I started in 2008. Have been in and am currently in a relationship. I post pics with my girl so it's quite apparent anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Good decision not to make a stink about his FB status. FB is over-rated anyway as a social platform. Either your boyfriend will eventually update his status or he won't. Since you have real life, offline confirmation that the relationship is solid and that people know you're a couple, then the whole FB thing isn't worth sweating over because it's small stuff in the grand scheme of life. As for his ex, keep your eye on her. Ex-girlfriends can be a real pain in the ass in general to their ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend. So, I hope you can rest well about it now. After all, it's only FB. Re: the ex, exactly. Oh, you just reminded me of something else. Around VDay we had a little incident that I mentioned in my last thread. Anyway, I told him I looked through his phone and his first comment was, "Did you say where I texted my ex happy vday? It wasn't a big deal." Umm, no I didn't see that in fact, but why are you even texting her that I didn't make it an issue but yeah. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Hidden relationship status does not mean person is single. Saying you're single means you're single. Hidden just means you don't care to share that info. Mines been hidden since I started in 2008. Have been in and am currently in a relationship. I post pics with my girl so it's quite apparent anyway. I completely agree. Single is single and hidden is either single or in a relationship. I'd be satisfied with a hidden status. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Re: the ex, exactly. Oh, you just reminded me of something else. Around VDay we had a little incident that I mentioned in my last thread. Anyway, I told him I looked through his phone and his first comment was, "Did you say where I texted my ex happy vday? It wasn't a big deal." Umm, no I didn't see that in fact, but why are you even texting her that I didn't make it an issue but yeah. Oh brother. Well, that sounds like a whole other can of worms you need to focus on instead of his FB status. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Re: the ex, exactly. Oh, you just reminded me of something else. Around VDay we had a little incident that I mentioned in my last thread. Anyway, I told him I looked through his phone and his first comment was, "Did you say where I texted my ex happy vday? It wasn't a big deal." Umm, no I didn't see that in fact, but why are you even texting her that I didn't make it an issue but yeah. That is not normal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Oh brother. Well, that sounds like a whole other can of worms you need to focus on instead of his FB status. Good luck! I've been trying to be a little more laid back in this relationship whereas I was more inquisitive and required answers about most things in past situations but maybe it isnt such a good idea. Funny how a trivial thing like FB status makes you consider the real core issue then you're right back at things you tried to let slide. More I think about it, this is about unrelated things like the vday and others that I've tried this new laid back approach on yet they're obviously still lingering... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 That is not normal. It's not, is it. He said it was just casual and they'd been together for two years and he'd basically dumped her for the second time a few months or so before because of us so he was just being nice. A guy friend said a lot of guys feel guilty about being the bad guy at the end of a relationship so that's where it prolly was coming from. Idk... Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I've been trying to be a little more laid back in this relationship whereas I was more inquisitive and required answers about most things in past situations but maybe it isnt such a good idea. Funny how a trivial thing like FB status makes you consider the real core issue then you're right back at things you tried to let slide. More I think about it, this is about unrelated things like the vday and others that I've tried this new laid back approach on yet they're obviously still lingering... See? It was never really about having him update his FB status. It's about the fact that he hasn't severed ties with his ex-girlfriend and he's hiding his texts with her, from you. Not good. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I've read a few of your threads, and honestly I think you're twisting yourself into pretzels trying to be 'more laid back' about everything he does. I don't think the FB status in and of itself is a huge deal, but in combination with everything else, including his ex gf, hiding, his crass comments, etc etc... I think you're doing yourself a huge disservice by putting so much effort into trying to make yourself 'okay' with everything when it's clearly not okay. If you don't want to consider leaving, then take all that effort and put it into standing up for yourself and your boundaries, and into communicating clearly with him about what you need and want. In this case, for example, if FB status matters to you, then ask him nicely if you can both change your status (yes, you have to do that if you want it, too). But really, I think the FB status is the least of your worries in this R. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MoreAmore Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Change your status to in a relationship with him and then he will have to approve or deny and you won't be hypocritical at all. I wouldn't like it still saying single after being exclusive all year long, if I really thought it was going somewhere. I'd always hidden mine, but the second my boyfriend implied it mattered to him even a little I changed it, and turned out to actually be nice. Changing your relationship status every three weeks as you date someone is a little pathetic and laughable on social media, but no one judges if it's more occasional even if it doesn't work out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Can FB die? Too much drama around it. G 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I've read a few of your threads, and honestly I think you're twisting yourself into pretzels trying to be 'more laid back' about everything he does. I don't think the FB status in and of itself is a huge deal, but in combination with everything else, including his ex gf, hiding, his crass comments, etc etc... I think you're doing yourself a huge disservice by putting so much effort into trying to make yourself 'okay' with everything when it's clearly not okay. If you don't want to consider leaving, then take all that effort and put it into standing up for yourself and your boundaries, and into communicating clearly with him about what you need and want. In this case, for example, if FB status matters to you, then ask him nicely if you can both change your status (yes, you have to do that if you want it, too). But really, I think the FB status is the least of your worries in this R. Seriously if this is a trend get the hell out right now before you go mad. He is not treating you with those little essentials call respect and dignity. He is also making you believe that you are in the wrong for questioning his bad behaviour. It doesn't get better. It only gets worse. I just wish to God I had had someone tell me this before I wasted years on an a-hole. Don't look back. He isn't all that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 ,I told him I looked through his phone You two shouldn't be in a relationship together. Break up now. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 If there are deeper issues involved then maybe you should address them. The Facebook status seems to be just one of many things bothering you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 If you already know of 3 of his ex's then chances are you're lined up to be his 4th, regardless of FB or not. Don't know why FB upsets or disappoints people when it only reveals the stupidity or true colors of the person you are with, would be like a detective intentionally removing a tool that provides helpful clues or evidence...makes no sense to me why people find those things disappointing unless they just can't accept the truth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Krieger Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 What is Facebook I have heard of it but never been on it or set up an account. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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