What makes you think he won't do the same to you???

[autumnnight]

Well, that's disheartening to hear. I suppose the years I spent becoming a better/different person are all for naught then. No room in the world for untouchables like me, no matter how great I am now. I need a hug.

 

I wouldn't worry about those people. At best, they are hypocrites, at worst, they are hiding their own skeletons so they need to wave really hard in your direction.

[World's.Edge]

Thought this might amuse.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T3ltrX6uv0

[RainDown]

I wouldn't worry about those people. At best, they are hypocrites, at worst, they are hiding their own skeletons so they need to wave really hard in your direction.

 

I don't worry about them, really. Other than to understand it must be pretty unpleasant to carry all that pain, anger and judgment around eating at your soul. It doesn't sound like a very healthy place to be.

[autumnnight]

Thought this might amuse.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T3ltrX6uv0

 

Ah yes.....the soul mates....the favorite badly done animation of....people

[the_artist_1970]

No, everyone is worthy of redemption. Since we are quoting the Bible, there is a verse in the Bible that says he who is without sin cast the first stone. And here is a big hug because you no longer that person who hurt other ppl. {{{{{}}}}}}

[RainDown]

No, everyone is worthy of redemption. Since we are quoting the Bible, there is a verse in the Bible that says he who is without sin cast the first stone. And here is a big hug because you no longer that person who hurt other ppl. {{{{{}}}}}}

 

Awww....thank you. You're very sweet.

[No Limit]

In fact if he had ended his marriage to be with her I think there'd be even more incentive to stay loyal - to prove that he did the right thing. If you are going to make your bed, you at least need to show the world that you are prepare to lie in it!

 

That's actually very common - at least for the cheater. When the OM/OW is far from a mindset of faithfulness, well, that's where the fun begins - one example would be the classic "MM leaves for OW - OW becomes pregnant - xMM finds out the baby isn't his" I read just yesterday elsewhere.

[ladydesigner]

I have to ask the OW on here. What makes you think the MM isn't going to do to you what he did to his wife. You will always be playing detective while you are with him. Checking his phone, computer, his where about at all time. If he can say and do what he did to his W who gave him beautiful children, a loving home, EVERYTHING of herself!!!.... What will he do to you???

 

This not only applies to OW but to OM as well and MOW and MOM.

 

A good example are my parents. They had exit affairs, both married at the time and left immediately for each other. My mom went on to have 3 more affairs and still exhibits wayward behavior from time to time.

[TrustedthenBusted]

There is a huge part of me that sort of wishes I could view an alternate universe in which my wife left me for OM.

 

That would be better than anything on TV.

 

I remember the first few nights where she defended him as this great guy who really understood her and blah blah blah.... then when she sent a very classy NC letter all he wrote back was " LMAO, you're pathetic."

 

Prince Charming indeed. It was the first and only time I actually enjoyed watching someone disrespect my wife. She deserved it and in that moment, learned a LOT about the fog, and about her judge of character.

 

To the OW's out there who take up with their APs... good luck to you. Anyone who cheats on his wife is obviously willing to risk it all for some strange.

 

Long odds for you.

[casey.lives]

OW believe him and his pitiful lies...

[No Limit]

I remember the first few nights where she defended him as this great guy who really understood her and blah blah blah.... then when she sent a very classy NC letter all he wrote back was " LMAO, you're pathetic."

 

Considering that many WW go for abusive men, chances are yours would have ended up in a similar hole - also judging by what she caught the first time.

[Raena]

Well, that's disheartening to hear. I suppose the years I spent becoming a better/different person are all for naught then. No room in the world for untouchables like me, no matter how great I am now. I need a hug.

 

I don't agree that having been a wayward automatically takes you out of the dating pool... being a repeat offender should though. Once could be a mistake or have a reason that could possibly be valid or could be just young stupidity... but doing it more than once, over and over. No. Absolutely not. Go find another repeat offender and cheat on each other or have an open relationship.

 

I wish there were some way to know that up front about potential dates so I don't waste my time. It sure would suck to get involved with someone, get my heart involved only to find out that they can't figure out how to keep their golf clubs in the bag when it isn't their turn at the hole... oh wait, that happened and it sucked!

 

If someone is truly remorseful for their past choices and done the work to make themselves a better person instead of repeating poor choices over and over then of course they should be given another chance.

 

(((hugs)))

[m4p]

I have to ask the OW on here. What makes you think the MM isn't going to do to you what he did to his wife. You will always be playing detective while you are with him. Checking his phone, computer, his where about at all time. If he can say and do what he did to his W who gave him beautiful children, a loving home, EVERYTHING of herself!!!.... What will he do to you???

 

Can't deny that I've never floated this thought before. It will definitely be an issue for me, how ironic lol.

 

But I don't believe in grouping people into simply OW.. BS.. MM. There might be some common personality traits that cheaters exhibit (poor coping skills... conflict avoidance etc...) but unless that person is a pure evil psychopath, issues have chances to be resolved and make way for a healthy relationship.

 

Having said that, I am still a realist. To me, a known cheater simply has a higher risk of cheating again. This is because most people are not so self-aware as to realize that they have issues and problems that needs to be changed. Most leave it as it is, failed relationships after failed relationships. So the vicious cycle continues.

 

On the other hand.... I admit that I a NAIVE FOW too. Call me a romantic but I'll like to believe that love make things work in all relationships. Along with a ****load of effort, respect and openness. I wouldn't want a faithful man who doesn't love me but stays with me.

 

Perhaps I don't deserve to be in the dating pool too. lol...

[Artie Lang]

We had a mutually beneficial arrangement which we both enjoyed.

 

i wonder if your spouses would say the same thing if they were aware of how much you two enjoyed yourselves.

[flowergirl14]

Thought this might amuse.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T3ltrX6uv0

 

 

Super true and so funny!

[Spark1111]

No, everyone is worthy of redemption. Since we are quoting the Bible, there is a verse in the Bible that says he who is without sin cast the first stone. And here is a big hug because you no longer that person who hurt other ppl. {{{{{}}}}}}

 

Please, please complete the parable. Yes, Jesus, as a death by stoning was about to begin, admonished the angry crowd, "Let he, without sin, cast the first stone."

 

It worked and the young woman's life was saved. He then admonished her to "Go, and sin no more."

 

it wasn't a get out of jail free card as some like to apply it when they continue to oops, make mistakes, over and over and over again with the same MAP.

 

It doesn't give you license to believe only your love is the "right" love to save someone else. That's selfish and wrong for both APs to assuage their guilt with romanticized chestnut and it's self-serving.

 

You are hurting innocent people for the sake of your own romanticism.

 

and a cheater, never forced to do the work, become transparent and express their needs in a long-term relationship, IS very likely to cheat again when times get tough and that includes their soulmate OW after a few years.

 

Read the stats....

[sandylee1]

.. then when she sent a very classy NC letter all he wrote back was " LMAO, you're pathetic."

 

.

 

Ouch! That must have stung her .

 

People show their best side in affairs really, otherwise why bother. You don't need your OW/OM being a pain in the rear. You can hardly afford to spend those stolen moments dealing with the reality, when you want an escape from reality.

[beatcuff]

What makes you think the MM isn't going to do to you what he did to his wife.

 

sorry to steer this back... you don't. but neither did you when you first married your SO. you never do.

 

the responses thus far have ignored a critical element: the M is near death/already over. some D first others 'test the waters'. many of those on the receiving end of D first will tell you its much more painful (no blame shift).

 

many WS are not necessarily wanting to go with the OM/W but rather looking for reinforcement that there is another person for them. its really scary at 40 something to ask someone on a date --- something you have not done for half your life.

[Lois_Griffin]

I love when the OW writes that she and the MM are soul mates. Really!!!!! He is married. He belongs to his wife.

Not an OW or a BW, but I too laugh my ass off when I read that cheesy garbage.

[Lois_Griffin]

the responses thus far have ignored a critical element: the M is near death/already over. some D first others 'test the waters'. many of those on the receiving end of D first will tell you its much more painful (no blame shift).

I don't agree with that at all.

 

A lot of people cheat for the excitement, the newness, the variety, the thrill of having someone different looking at them with adoring eyes and thinking they're the greatest thing since sliced bread and wanting to have sex with them all the time, etc. etc. etc. It's not always about a marriage being on life support.

 

There are A LOT of bored husbands out there who feel 'neglected' because their wives are trying to do everything and do it well - be a mother, the cook, the laundress, the housekeeper, the food shopper, the wife, the exciting sex partner and everything else that comes with running a household, having kids, and being married. Lots of husbands sulk their poor, deprived little asses off because they're being 'neglected' by their wives who are usually working twice as hard as they are in any given 24 hour period.

 

Instead of actually pitching in and doing their share so that the wife doesn't have that load on her shoulders, they start looking around for someone who WILL cater to them, instead. You see this crap all the time.

 

Their marriages aren't almost dead; these guys are just being selfish wankers who'd rather please themselves instead of investing their energy where it SHOULD be invested.

 

I'm sure this probably applies to wives as well - maybe the hubby would rather play his lame video games or watch reruns of Star Trek instead of investing in spending quality time with his wife and she's feeling neglected, so she looks elsewhere. or, maybe she's just a self entitled witch, who knows? But since this thread was about OW and their MM who may eventually cheat on THEM if they end up together, the focus of this post was from that particular point of view.

[Arieswoman]

beatcuff,

 

sorry to steer this back... you don't. but neither did you when you first married your SO. you never do.

 

This is true. However, the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

 

the responses thus far have ignored a critical element: the M is near death/already over.

 

This is a flawed assumption as people in happy marriages cheat.

 

Cheater apologists believe that cheaters cheat because there was something lacking in the marriage, the other person, when in fact the the cheater has something lacking in them.

 

Cheating is about poor boundaries, entitlement issues, opportunity and lack of empathy. The marriage may be in a bad place, there may be a crappy spouse but none of this excuses cheating. That was 100% the cheater's choice.

 

many WS are not necessarily wanting to go with the OM/W but rather looking for reinforcement that there is another person for them. its really scary at 40 something to ask someone on a date --- something you have not done for half your life.

 

Exactly, they want ego strokes, they are scared of being alone, so they hedge their bets so they don't lose out in the process. They are pathetic needy people who are selfish to the core.

 

I cannot speak too lowly of those WS that I have come across.

[WasOtherWoman]

I don't think that this conversation should really be limited to FOW's worrying about their partner cheating.

 

Anyone, in this day and age, should at least consider the fact that infidelity could become a factor in their life (either THEIRS or their spouse's). I know that none of us like to think about it, but look at the statistics (and no, i don't know exactly what they are these days, but they are material). No one is really immune to this....

 

That said, I've been married to former MM for nearly 15 years... so far so good. I would be an idiot to think that he would never cheat on ME, he has proven that he is capable. I have also proven that I sleep with married men, (well, only one) so maybe I need to worry about myself too, LOL.

 

In our case, his marriage was over long before I came into the picture. Still, there was an affair.

 

Our dynamic is different, our marriage is different and I know how he acts when he is having an affair. Yet, I don't really worry. He has given me no reason to even raise my eyebrows. And, frankly, we are getting kind of old to be running around.

 

But, more importantly, no matter what happens, I will be fine. Don't get me wrong, I adore my husband and I have a better life than I ever could have hoped or dreamed of. But - if all that went away tomorrow and I had just me? I'd be ok.

[goodyblue]

I don't think that this conversation should really be limited to FOW's worrying about their partner cheating.

 

Anyone, in this day and age, should at least consider the fact that infidelity could become a factor in their life (either THEIRS or their spouse's). I know that none of us like to think about it, but look at the statistics (and no, i don't know exactly what they are these days, but they are material). No one is really immune to this....

 

That said, I've been married to former MM for nearly 15 years... so far so good. I would be an idiot to think that he would never cheat on ME, he has proven that he is capable. I have also proven that I sleep with married men, (well, only one) so maybe I need to worry about myself too, LOL.

 

In our case, his marriage was over long before I came into the picture. Still, there was an affair.

 

Our dynamic is different, our marriage is different and I know how he acts when he is having an affair. Yet, I don't really worry. He has given me no reason to even raise my eyebrows. And, frankly, we are getting kind of old to be running around.

 

But, more importantly, no matter what happens, I will be fine. Don't get me wrong, I adore my husband and I have a better life than I ever could have hoped or dreamed of. But - if all that went away tomorrow and I had just me? I'd be ok.

 

This is me too. I don't worry. My life is so much better with him in it, but i would be ok no matter what.

 

But really, I thought that whole oral thing protected me from worrying about him straying.

[sandylee1]

sorry to steer this back... you don't. but neither did you when you first married your SO. you never do.

 

the responses thus far have ignored a critical element: the M is near death/already over.

 

If it's near dead or over , why do the majority beg for reconciliation when their affair is exposed? Surely that would be the easy way out.

 

Of course many who cheat are not happy, but I can't count the times I hear a WS say their BS is wonderful , supportive, attractive and more.

 

When I read a BW say she had sex with her H everyday for 12 years straight and he still cheated, I was floored and wondered how she managed. Her H confirmed it was true and had no answer for cheating, except it was nice to know someone other than his wife found him attractive.

[Spark1111]

If it's near dead or over , why do the majority beg for reconciliation when their affair is exposed? Surely that would be the easy way out.

 

Of course many who cheat are not happy, but I can't count the times I hear a WS say their BS is wonderful , supportive, attractive and more.

 

When I read a BW say she had sex with her H everyday for 12 years straight and he still cheated, I was floored and wondered how she managed. Her H confirmed it was true and had no answer for cheating, except it was nice to know someone other than his wife found him attractive.

 

yes! This was my story too!

 

Unbelievable, no?

 

yet he told her we rarely had sex; I was only there for the paycheck ( I worked three jobs) and a whole host of nonsense to keep that constant adoration and easy sex a coming with his soulmate.

 

At Dday, I threw him out to go be with the love of his life. i had always loved him enough to let him go if he found better elsewhere and I told him so.

 

it was the Last thing he wanted and he never told her he had carte blanche to be with her.

 

i think most MAPs (not ALL) want the security of wife and family AND the excitement of an emotional OW/OM on the side....and is having sex with both of them as often as possible.