Dark-Farmer Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) So I was in a relationship with the girl about 4 years ago. Wewere together for 3 years, in which time there were some infidelities. Iconsidered them infidelities but basically she was unsure would break up withme and then hook up with someone and then eventually come crawling back to me. This happened twice in our 3 year relationship, and Ifoolishly took her back both times. Our relationship was when I was aged 24 to 27,and she was 4.5 years younger so she was 19 to 22. And I think that thereexplains a lot. So she kept losing interest and we eventually broke up forgood. She always gave weak reasoning; like she felt I wasn’t the one, whichchanged to she felt constrained and just wanted to have fun, to she couldn’tmove on know how much she hurt me. And she very soon after we broke up startedseeing an acquaintance of mine, which hurt quite a bit. She knew she washurting me too, but I think she gave in because he was pursuing her. I felt heractions could largely be attributed to her just being young and sort of naïve. So we have been NC for almost the whole 4 years but at least3 years with not a word to each other. The other day I get a facebook messagefrom her, out of the blue, apologizing for her actions and we had a bit of a message conversation. She wanted to meet up with me and my mom (they were close)and catch up. I didn't say yes. The message seemed weird, she mentioned losing sleep for 2of the 3 years apart she seemed very sorry for how she acted. I almost got theimpression she was basically setting the board to see if I was still interestedin her in the future without straight asking me. So I did some digging on this site and found this post. It’sjust scary how close this is to what happened to me. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome I thought I was totally over my ex. But if I had to behonest with myself I’d say I am mostly; but still think there is somethingway back there. I wouldn’t go so far as say I’m hung up on her though. Problem lies in that I am currently in a relationship andhave been for 3 years. I am happy in that relationship, at least I thought Iwas. But why am I even thinking of my ex at all then? I must be absolutely crazy to even think of involving myselfwith my ex again. That’s what I would have told myself not 2 weeks ago. Mythoughts are just so muddled, and I don’t know what I even want anymore. I don’tknow if this just stirred up old emotions or if my heart is trying to tell mesomething or what. I really care for my current GF, but again if I had to behonest with myself my ex was probably a better match for me. BUT she cheated onme, that will never change I guess. But I can’t help but think that if she didsome growing up that there could really be something there. I just don’t know what to think, maybe someone just needs tobeat me over the head with a stick to knock me out of this whirlwind ofthoughts I’m having. I don't want or think I am stringing my current GF along, we have a good thing going. I can't help but think this is just me reminiscing about the past a bit and it will pass .... But I would greatly appreciate any feedback/advice. Maybe if someone went through something similar, how/what do you do? Edited July 7, 2015 by Dark-Farmer
JJCaliGirl Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 I would politely tell her that you're in a committed relationship, and appreciate the apology but cannot see her. You shouldn't jepordize the good relationship you have for something that was toxic. She may have learned from her infidelity, but at this point, you need to continue to move past the relationship you had with her. 1
todreaminblue Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 i have this thing about walking backwards.....its doesnt feel right....and if you were to go back and give your ex a chance you jeapordize all the progress you have made thus far...including being in a a stable and fulfilling relationship...so she apologised....thats awesome....forgive her.....but dont go back or revisit old emotions or believe what was, could be again....in all likelihood it would not feel stable....you would always wonder about her and her true feelings for you.....look forward and shelve those feelings put them away where they ought to be......in the past...... count the blessings you have and the qualities you adore of the woman you are with...how she fullfills what you didnt have....and keep that alive...give that the heart beat........dont walk backwards...from experience.....it feels wrong...some things are meant to end......and ending something that was toxic....was right for you keep walking with your heart in the now not the your heart lost in then..deb. 1
xcupid Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 There was a reason you and your ex broke up. She cheated on you. It could be that you're thinking of the good times with her and not the reason(s) for the break up. The only reason you're thinking of your ex again is because she contacted you. Let's suppose you did go back to your ex. What happens if she hasn't changed and she cheated on you again? You've lost someone you cared about (your present girlfriend). There's nothing wrong with having *memories* of the good times with an ex. But if you're happy in your current relationship continue to move forward and see if that develops into something lasting. It's time to put the past to rest and move forward.
Author Dark-Farmer Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 Thanks all. I knew this was the right choice, I think I just needed someone else to say it to me I think. I didn't really have anyone to talk to about it. I think the suddenness of this apology and the emotions it invoked just struck a soft spot in me, a spot that's healed over but still a little tender. But you're all right I just need to focus forward and if thoughts start looking backwards just remember the why's of how I got here.
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