Goodguy86 Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) My ex girlfriend and I only dated for 4.5 months. However in that time we moved very fast and were very full on. I got to know her family well and I even took her on an overseas vacation for a week with my family. (We ended shortly after that after having yet another argument whilst we were away). Anyway, I fell extremely hard for this girl and she appeared to for me too. However right at the start she said to me one night whilst crying "If I were you, I would run a mile from me.. I've been through hell and back" She was referring to a time when she was drugged and raped at 16.. She is now 23 and I'm 28.. Also she was referring to the bad men she has since been with after the incident who abused her, treated her badly etc. (she never seeked help). I naturally felt for her and many times comforted her through bad dreams she would occasionally have over the incident.. It's a terrible thing she had to go through and it made it even harder for her to let me in.. However she was extremely sexually active and seemed to enjoy making an exhibition of herself in sexy lingerie etc. I thought what happened would make her the opposite. In another discussion early on she warned me that since she has been hurt so much, she has her walls up, is scared of commitment and usually wants to run as it gets serious.. Because I cared about her though I wanted to persist and take things slow and treat her properly.. Over the next 4 months I treated her like gold.. I made her birthday and Valentine's Day so special including staying at hotels and organising roses deliveries. Through the relationship I was always taking her shopping and buying her gifts. (She is very materialistic and superficial). I did this because I earned far more than she did and I enjoyed spoiling her. I even paid for doctors appointments for her regarding things she was concerned about.. About 1.5 months in, she started to criticise me on little things all the time. The way I paid the bill at dinner, the way I would say things, the way I served her food etc. All these little things that constantly made me feel as though I could not do anything right. I would then bring this to her attention and we would argue because she could not see her wrong doings. It was constant. I was so into this girl but I was always made to feel that maybe she wasn't that into me and I wasn't quite what she wanted. Even though she says she meant it when she says she loved me. So these arguments became frequent as I reacted to her always having a go at me. By the way, my ex is gorgeous.. Beautiful face and absolutely stunning body.. Easy to be blinded by guys would approach her constantly and she seemed to welcome the attention too. And she loved to let me know when it happened too. Great way to make me feel insecure.. Before we met, I already had a family vacation booked so it seemed like the right thing to take her with me. (All expenses paid) She didn't take a cent.. But that was fine because I loved her.. One night at a bar on the trip she had a go at me for standing up after I finished my drink therefore making her feel uncomfortable and that it made her feel like I was ready to head back to the hotel.. I actually was.. I had spent over $250 on the two of us and almost had an empty wallet. After she snapped at me I went quiet and sulked a bit (my bad) and when she questioned me on it in the cab I told her I'm sick of her having a go at me all the time.. Then we were back at the hotel room where she was crying, over reacting and stormed out. I went looking for her but we met back at the room later where arguing continued. We went to sleep but unfortunately that was the beginning of the end.. For the next 2.5 weeks once we were back home she was distant and cold towards me and I was too blind to see what was happening.. I adored her, I still do.. Friday night April 17th she came to mine to get ready to go to a friend of mines bday drinks.. We went out, she acted weird, we came back to mine, she sat on the bed and said "we need to talk" and that was it.. She had already packed her stuff when she was getting ready before we went out and I didn't realise.. I have only just found out through friends that she is now in a Facebook official relationship that she backdated to June 1st. Which is when she blocked me on FB coincidentally.. We weren't even in contact at that stage or FB friends anyway because I found it too hard.. So now she seems happy with this guy and I can't stop thinking about her.. I have good reason to believe that this guy is actually someone she met on NYE whilst I was away and has been in the background the whole time. But I don't know that for sure. Sure, we argued a fair bit during 4.5 months but it was always due to her making me feel I'm not what she wanted.. We were with each other as often as we could be and things stil seemed really good. She almost never initiated things in the bedroom too which helped to make me feel like I wanted her far more than she wanted me but hey, she is gorgeous.. It's been 3 months and I almost can't get the shock of losing her out of my head.. I was in some kind of dreamland with her and completely lost myself in it.. She is a relationship hopper.. From what she has told me she has broken many guys hearts and it is usually between the 3-4 month mark.. Her brother even referred to me as number 157 as a joke referring to how many guys she has had. Not to me though.. He said it to her apparently.. I know the first thing to come to your minds will be that it sounds like I'm better off/ I've dodged a bullet etc. but if so then why are my feelings so strong? I have had other girlfriends but never felt like this. Could it purely be infatuation with her beautiful looks? There was just something I saw in her even though if I attempted to list her good qualities the list would probably be very short.. Truth is that I still love her.. I hate that I do because it is affecting my work, social life etc. We are in absolutely NC and at this stage it seems I will probably never see or hear from her ever again.. She has moved on from me so easily and couldn't care less and I'm still stuck on her and feel taken advantage of.. Did I take things too fast? Did I spoil her too much? Should I not have taken her on the vacation? Edited July 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
OldRover Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 Wow, you've been thru a lot. With only 4.5 months invested, you'll get over her pretty quick, regardless of how you feel. She sure doesn't sound like a keeper..... 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 Dunno. Doesn't matter, it was doomed to fail. Yes. No. See #2
aloneinaz Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 Go to Google chrome, search google "dating a borderline personality disordered woman".. See if her traits match up. She sure sounds like she has many of the traits. Clearly, she's emotionally damaged at a high level. With her good looks and her sad stories, it fired your "rescue behaviors" in you. I'd challenge you to re-read what you just wrote. Then, if you were reading it like your buddy wrote it, what conclusion would you come to? You'd have to say "dude, MOVE ON".. Be glad it was only a short while. You'll heal quickly. Stay NC 2
yxalitis Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 When the girl is beautiful with a great body, its harder to get over her.. True fact...news at 9.
54JA Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 I totally agree with aloneinaz about your feelings closely being tied to the role of rescuer. I understand that she went through a horrible trauma and that you want to be supportive, but this is something that requires professional help, especially if she's being "extremely sexually active" and "exhibiting in lingerie." It seriously is her loss. You seriously deserve much better than this. She may not realize this until she gets older and loses her exterior beauty. But if you recover from this and meet a girl who treats you right, you will be so glad that you did not end up with her. 2
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