sxbmb3388 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 i'm so sick of this whole 3 date rule malarkey! who on earth created this?! I am undoubtedly one on the most sexual people on the planet, yet I haven't had sex in 8 months. I haven't gone blind, (i thought i might) and I've spent a great deal of time working on myself. It's been great! Not going to lie, I'm ready to get laid again, but here's my problem... 1. I'm extremely picky. 2. I hate 1 night stands. i've had 2 in my life, and never. again. 3. I'm kind of scared i will sleep with someone and form some kind of attachment to them. 4. I don't want to be a notch on someones bedpost. How do I avoid this?! 5. every guy seems to want to 'hookup'. i've been single for about 8 months now and i had been in a LTR since i was 15, so this whole dating thing is new to me! i've been on Tinder, but seriously, the people on there are either ruled by their 'members', or stage 5 clingers with issues! help me! 1
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 There are no real rules. If you want sex, have sex but own your decision & don't act like somebody owes you a lifetime after a roll in the sheets. If you prefer to wait before having sex, then wait. It's your choice. 5
DaisyBug Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 I hear ya, sister!! I'm so sick of people these days suggesting a woman is a prude because her legs aren't in the air by Date 3. Since when did men start feeling so entitled and downright hostile if he doesn't get a piece from a woman he's just met?! 3
Satu Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 3 dates doesn't get anywhere near knowing someone well enough for sex. The 3 date rule is absolute nonsense. 6
BluEyeL Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 I never had a problem with the third date rule because I never gave a crap and I slept with someone when I wanted to sleep with them. If they didn't like it, oh well, don't let the door hit you in the arse was the motto. So eff the third date rule and do whatever the heck you want. I guarantee you men wait. I've dated 20-30 men before I met my BF, never slept with any at the third date. Good luck and work on the self esteem, that's the thing that will get you through! 2
empresario Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 So wait, I'm confused. You don't want to wait 3 dates to have sex but also don't want a guy to assume you just want a hookup? Good luck. you basically want to hook up on the promise that it won't be the only time. That defeats the purpose of a hookup. You can go in saying you will sleep with someone if you're attracted to them...but you can't force them to want the cow when the milk is free (tried but true analogy). You seem to be so against one night stands but are alright hooking up with someone on the first night. Why? 1
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 There's your problem....you are on Tinder which is known to be more of a hookup site. Try Plenty of Fish or other sites. TBH 90% of people who use dating sites are either predators or people who are not successful at dating because of issues like social anxiety, clingy, needy, unattractive, etc. BTW dating sucked even before the internet so what you are complaining about is nothing new.
Gary S Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 In most happy relationships, if the couple were not waiting for marriage, they had sex on or about the third date. It's not a rule, it's just an average.
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 In most happy relationships, if the couple were not waiting for marriage, they had sex on or about the third date. It's not a rule, it's just an average. I really don't think you can say most. Many yes but not most. Except for one which started at out as a ONS, turned into FWB, then a 10+ year relationship I don't think I had sex with a guy before the 12th date & had it turn into a relationship 2
Elias33 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 If you only want to get laid, but you don't want a one night stand, you're looking for a FWB relationship?
Author sxbmb3388 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 So wait, I'm confused. You don't want to wait 3 dates to have sex but also don't want a guy to assume you just want a hookup? Good luck. you basically want to hook up on the promise that it won't be the only time. That defeats the purpose of a hookup. You can go in saying you will sleep with someone if you're attracted to them...but you can't force them to want the cow when the milk is free (tried but true analogy). You seem to be so against one night stands but are alright hooking up with someone on the first night. Why? I think the phrase 'I'm ready to get laid' has given the wrong impression, but I've been hanging out with my girlfriends so much, so sorry to make it sound like thats all i'm after. I want to date someone normal! but it just seems guys on dating sites are quite odd! i've been o OKCupid with not a lot of success either! i've been dating this one guy, we have been on 3 dates, but he has seemed so obsessed with the whole '3 date rule' thing, and I would have probably gone there next time, but he then asked me if we could 'step it up a bit', and 'progress to the next level', meaning sex. however I just feel like because its been 3 dates now, he has some kind of feeling of entitlement. i'm not looking for anything specific, if its right, its right, i'm not label chasing or anything, but I just shut down with any kind of pressure. i'm quite shy, and i have a curvy body, and I have hangups like any normal person, and just dont feel like taking my clothes off for someone who I've only been o 3 dates with, thats all. so its not just sex I want, and i'm not looking for a full blown relationship, or even FWB, i just want to date without any kind of expectation or pressure. i hope this has cleared thing up a little bit!
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 You like many people are looking for compatibility which can be tough to find. Use OLD as a tool but also seek to meet people IRL. I think that assures higher compatibility.
joseb Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 In most happy relationships, if the couple were not waiting for marriage, they had sex on or about the third date. It's not a rule, it's just an average. I've had three LTRs. From memory, we had sex after 4, 2 and 3 dates - so Gary's average works for me! ps I never heard of the 'three date rule' until a month ago
joseb Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 i've been dating this one guy, we have been on 3 dates, but he has seemed so obsessed with the whole '3 date rule' thing, and I would have probably gone there next time, but he then asked me if we could 'step it up a bit', and 'progress to the next level', meaning sex. however I just feel like because its been 3 dates now, he has some kind of feeling of entitlement. Just tell him you like him (assuming you do??!) but you are happy with the speed so far and are not quite ready yet. If he bolts then so be it. 1
yxalitis Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 "the 3rd date idea is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules." Read in a pirate voice. 1
Author sxbmb3388 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 Just tell him you like him (assuming you do??!) but you are happy with the speed so far and are not quite ready yet. If he bolts then so be it. it's been great so far, we have tons in common, i just don't want him to think because he's asked for it, he gets it, if you know what I mean? It's a bit of a power struggle between the both of that. we're both quite similar. i think a lot of men also get the wrong impression of me as well. i'm 6'ft tall, have dark skin, green eyes, ad dark red hair. I have long legs, and big boobs, and I'm very confident, and i think because of my 'lary' appearance, and personality, guys ALWAYS think I'm a slut. (hate that word). but I'm so happy with the way I look, i don't think I should have to tone it down because of the way everyone else perceives me.
yxalitis Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 In most happy relationships, if the couple were not waiting for marriage, they had sex on or about the third date. It's not a rule, it's just an average. What unknown source of information are you tapping into to get these figures?
yxalitis Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 i'm so sick of this whole 3 date rule malarkey! who on earth created this?! I am undoubtedly one on the most sexual people on the planet, yet I haven't had sex in 8 months. I haven't gone blind, (i thought i might) and I've spent a great deal of time working on myself. It's been great! Not going to lie, I'm ready to get laid again, but here's my problem... 1. I'm extremely picky. 2. I hate 1 night stands. i've had 2 in my life, and never. again. 3. I'm kind of scared i will sleep with someone and form some kind of attachment to them. 4. I don't want to be a notch on someones bedpost. How do I avoid this?! 5. every guy seems to want to 'hookup'. i've been single for about 8 months now and i had been in a LTR since i was 15, so this whole dating thing is new to me! i've been on Tinder, but seriously, the people on there are either ruled by their 'members', or stage 5 clingers with issues! help me! The guy is a pushy douchebag. No one, and I mean no one, should suggest sex on the xth date, simply because 'x' is the right number. Sex should simply develop naturally, in the time frame that you're both comfortable with. Dump this guy, he's clearly just hanging out to bonk you. 2
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