moonlightpath Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 We’ve been together for a little over a year. I have known him for almost 2 years. Lately he has been diving me crazy. I don’t know what it is. I feel like he’s pushy and kind of immature for his age. Yesterday he mentioned possibly getting engaged next year. I told him I’m not ready to get married yet. (I just turned 21. He just turned 24.) He said he understood and respects what I want. But then he said we could just get engaged and then get married when I am ready. I told him that’s not how I want it to be. I said that I have two years of undergrad left and after that I will have two years of graduate school to complete. I told him that what I have always pictured for myself is getting engaged during my last year of graduate school. Or maybe during middle or end of my first year of grad school. But that I definitely don’t want to be married before I am finished with school. And again, he said that was fine and he respects it. After that I told him waiting is best for both of us because it gives him time to finish school as well. After I told him that it made me really think about our relationship. His response to him finishing school was, “Well at least I will always have my job at my family’s restaurant. You never know what God has planned for you. But at least I will be able to put food on our table. Having a high paying job is not everything.” He is totally right. Money is not everything. I feel like I sound completely shallow, but I know I do not see myself marrying someone without a college degree. I told my friend this and she said not to feel bad because everyone has his or her turn off when it comes to a relationship. I just feel like that’s not a sturdy job to keep forever. Right now its perfect for him since it gives him a flexible schedule to go to school and study. But then what I also don’t like is that he made it sound like he can just live off his parents forever. Since his dad owns the restaurant he is the one who pays him for working. And a part of me feels like he isn’t going to finish college like he says. I know how he is when it comes to school. I see him as being flakey/unmotivated about it. But other times he seems serious. After reading everything I wrote I feel like I am overthinking this. I am only 21. I still have a lot ahead of me. But having that conversation with him made me feel so frustrated. Lately we have been having small fights here and there. But the aftermath of the fights has been lasting longer than they should I think. They make me feel so stressful and then I don’t even feel like talking to him. And given the fact that I haven’t seen him all summer makes me worry that our relationship is starting to fade. I haven’t seen him since I am home with my parents for the summer. I will see him in 8 weeks when college starts again. But since we are so far apart from each other I feel like I should want to talk to him all day everyday. But that’s not the case. Lately I find myself wanting time to myself without texting him all day. Sometimes I even tell him I am going to bed at 9pm. What I really do is just watch Netflix. I don’t know if any of this is a sign that I should end my relationship with him. When I text him sometimes I want to throw my phone against the wall. But once we FaceTime and I actually see him everything feels different and makes me miss him so much.
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 If you're not feeling it, perhaps the relationship has run its course. My mindset resembles yours. While he's right that practical considerations are valid, if you don't have compatible dreams it may be tough to sustain a relationship long term. While you don't have to break up right now you do need to squelch talk of an engagement before you have graduated. 1
Author moonlightpath Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 Well I wouldn't say I'm not totally feeling it. I just spoke with him in FaceTime and it made me really happy. I just don't know why our small fights start irritating me a lot more lately. It was getting to the point where I started feeling really anxious and stressed. My appetite even changed. I don't know. Maybe its just all in my head.
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 Because they are not small fights. You are disagreeing about the course of your life. That is a fundamental point of incompatibility. It doesn't mean he's not a great BF or that he can't make you happy right now.
Author moonlightpath Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 I don't mean that we are arguing about when to get engaged/married. I mean just small things. For example, a few nights a go I was suppose to call him but I fell asleep. He was waiting for me to call. The next morning he was just a little upset that I didn't call him. So we started arguing about it. Or last week he wasn't texting me very much so I got mad at him. But then he said he wasn't because he was working. Things like that.
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