giggledidoo Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 I really can't figure out this guy - maybe I'm being blind. Sorry this is a little long: So I worked with this guy for 18 months and it was fairly obvious we had a huge crush on each other. However I was his boss (I'm 26, he's 22) and never made a move as it wouldn't be very professional, but we had a friendly, jokey relationship. Then a month ago he left as he was going to be moving away but still came to my birthday party a couple of days later - and we subsequently hooked up. I went back to his and we had a few (drunken) amazing hours where we spilled the beans about our feelings for each other and it was honestly one of the best nights of my life. I left in the early hours of the morning because his housemate knew several of my colleagues and I didn't want word to get round. We exchanged numbers and kissed goodbye and I was on cloud nine. He text me the next morning to apologise if he did anything stupid and to say he really enjoyed himself and wanted to see me again - although he was leaving town in a week's time. I replied saying similar things, saying when I was free but if he wanted to spend time with his friends that was cool, but I was confident that I'd see him again. After 4 long days of playing it cool I sent him a very flirty text...and got no reply. I tried again on the 5th day. No reply. On the 6th day I got a little frustrated and just sent him a message saying "No reply? You're a funny guy. I guess it's just not meant to be then. Have a nice life :)" - he replied a day later saying he had been busy all week, packing and spending time with friends, and he was "sorry, but thanks for everything :)". He then left town and I haven't spoken to or heard from him since. I would ordinarily assume he was just after a one night stand but he's really not that kind of guy - he's pretty inexperienced with women and I was only the second person he'd ever slept with. He's known for being very cool and shy; I'm completely head over heels and I am desperate to contact him again but I don't want to seem clingy or ruin anything. What do you guys think? I can't stop thinking about him. Is it that he's probably just not interested?
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 I really can't figure out this guy - maybe I'm being blind. Sorry this is a little long: So I worked with this guy for 18 months and it was fairly obvious we had a huge crush on each other. However I was his boss (I'm 26, he's 22) and never made a move as it wouldn't be very professional, but we had a friendly, jokey relationship. Then a month ago he left as he was going to be moving away but still came to my birthday party a couple of days later - and we subsequently hooked up. I went back to his and we had a few (drunken) amazing hours where we spilled the beans about our feelings for each other and it was honestly one of the best nights of my life. I left in the early hours of the morning because his housemate knew several of my colleagues and I didn't want word to get round. We exchanged numbers and kissed goodbye and I was on cloud nine. He text me the next morning to apologise if he did anything stupid and to say he really enjoyed himself and wanted to see me again - although he was leaving town in a week's time. I replied saying similar things, saying when I was free but if he wanted to spend time with his friends that was cool, but I was confident that I'd see him again. After 4 long days of playing it cool I sent him a very flirty text...and got no reply. I tried again on the 5th day. No reply. On the 6th day I got a little frustrated and just sent him a message saying "No reply? You're a funny guy. I guess it's just not meant to be then. Have a nice life :)" - he replied a day later saying he had been busy all week, packing and spending time with friends, and he was "sorry, but thanks for everything :)". He then left town and I haven't spoken to or heard from him since. I would ordinarily assume he was just after a one night stand but he's really not that kind of guy - he's pretty inexperienced with women and I was only the second person he'd ever slept with. He's known for being very cool and shy; I'm completely head over heels and I am desperate to contact him again but I don't want to seem clingy or ruin anything. What do you guys think? I can't stop thinking about him. Is it that he's probably just not interested? I would ordinarily assume he was just after a one night stand but he's really not that kind of guy -- Any guy can be that kinda guy . . . depending on what's going on with him. but I don't want to seem clingy or ruin anything. -- You've already done that. Leave it alone. Don't reach out to him again. If he's still interested he will show you and do it right. If you see him again, you keep the dates public for a while.
Mrin Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 Two thoughts: 1. The preemptive "have a nice life" was sort of wacko and unnecessary. I think you could have left it at "No reply? For a guy who was really interested in seeing me again you have a funny way of showing it. What's up?" Just call him on his s***. 2. Who knows what really happened. He might have met someone else. Or felt embarrassed for confessing all the gooey feelings he had for you. Whatever, he totally misplayed his hand. His loss though. Move on, go NC and see what happens.
maysj18 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 I have been in extremely similar situations and so I really feel for you. Nothing makes my blood boil more than the disappearing act. It really sucks, but he's made it clear you're really not on his mind. "Thanks for everything :)" ? That's weird and I would take it as a brush off. I just flat out wouldn't say another word to him from here on out. IF he messages you with a good reason as to why he did what he did, proceed with caution. Don't think too much into his inexperience and shy personality- excuses about being "shy" or "scared" are usually lies, so don't buy into it.
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 I have been in extremely similar situations and so I really feel for you. Nothing makes my blood boil more than the disappearing act. It really sucks, but he's made it clear you're really not on his mind. "Thanks for everything :)" ? That's weird and I would take it as a brush off. I just flat out wouldn't say another word to him from here on out. IF he messages you with a good reason as to why he did what he did, proceed with caution. Don't think too much into his inexperience and shy personality- excuses about being "shy" or "scared" are usually lies, so don't buy into it. "Thanks for everything :)" -- That's thanks for the sex, sweetie, and you have a good life too. 1
Author giggledidoo Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 Okay thanks guys, I feel like I already knew it but you've just confirmed it. It's just such a shame, I really liked the guy and had respect for him. I just wish he would come out and directly say he's not interested rather than just keeping quiet and letting me fill in the gaps. Sigh
Auspecial Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 I think he's a little afraid, plus realizing he is going to be away. I'd give a bland reply like "ok" and let him come back to you, b/c he most likely will when he sorts his head out.
Redhead14 Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 Okay thanks guys, I feel like I already knew it but you've just confirmed it. It's just such a shame, I really liked the guy and had respect for him. I just wish he would come out and directly say he's not interested rather than just keeping quiet and letting me fill in the gaps. Sigh Giggle, me thinks you still got a lot to learn Hang in there. You shouldn't be bothering to fill in the gaps. Stop being in his head and analyzing. Get focused on yourself and doing something fun. Go out and have good time with friends! 1
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