Not wanting SO to be part of birthday

[edition82]

I suppose I am a rare breed. I don't want the woman I am dating to know when my true birthday is as I don't want her to be a part of it. I like to use my birthday as an opportunity to have time by myself. I have taken myself out to dinner on my birthday before using restuarant gift cards that friends and family give me. That's my splurge day.

 

So I think the best course of action is to lie about my birthday and say it falls on February 29 and therefore we can only celebrate it every 4 years.

 

How many women would consider it a breakup offense if they found out their boyfriend lied about their birthday being only on leap years?

 

After-all it is my birthday and I should reserve the right within reason to do with that day whatever I want to.

[minimariah]

How many women would consider it a breakup offense if they found out their boyfriend lied about their birthday being only on leap years?

 

i would -- lies are a huge NO for me, especially a ridiculous lie like this one.

 

just tell me you don't want to see or hear from me on your birthday & that's it.

[beatcuff]

she's not the one. when she is, you would want her to part of your [entire] life.

[Got it]

I would. You can be truthful about your birthday as well as your desires on how you want to spend it. Why do you feel lying is the appropriate answer?

[edition82]

I always lie when I have a secret wish.

[d0nnivain]

While I would think it strange & be hurt at being shut out because I enjoy fussing over the people I love on their birthdays, if you told me your preference, I would respect your wishes. If you lied to me about it, I'd break up with you for being a jerk

[Got it]

I always lie when I have a secret wish.

 

And why is that?

 

If you have a wish why don't you just state it? Why the need to hide it?

 

Why can't you just be honest?

 

Sorry, that thinking is the biggest red flag as a relationship prospect; not the desire to be alone for your birthday.

[edition82]

And why is that?

 

If you have a wish why don't you just state it? Why the need to hide it?

 

Why can't you just be honest?

 

Sorry, that thinking is the biggest red flag as a relationship prospect; not the desire to be alone for your birthday.

 

Because it is a habit of mine.

[almond]

Because it is a habit of mine.

 

You should probably work on that.

[edition82]

I lie about other things too like my favorite sexual positions or lie about the past number of sexual partners I have had. I have slept with 4 in the past but I tell my SO I slept with 8. It is a white lie.

[d0nnivain]

If you ever hope to have a happy, healthy successful relationship including friendships you have to break yourself of the lying habit.

 

 

As for the sexual partners discussion, yours is another prime example about why the actual # conversation should be avoided. Nobody needs to know your #. They only need to know if you have engaged in high risk behavior & the status of your health.

[edition82]

If you ever hope to have a happy, healthy successful relationship including friendships you have to break yourself of the lying habit.

 

 

As for the sexual partners discussion, yours is another prime example about why the actual # conversation should be avoided. Nobody needs to know your #. They only need to know if you have engaged in high risk behavior & the status of your health.

 

Well some lies are justifiable to avoid conflict and hurt feelings like with the birthday thing. You said it yourself that you would be hurt by the truth if your boyfriend didn't want you on his birthday.

[eye of the storm]

Is it just me or did anyone else picture the OP rubbing his hands together and giggling manically while saying secret wish.

 

Well, my precious, I come down on the side of the masses. Not wanting your SO with you on your BD isn't the red flag. Your constant lying about everything is.

[d0nnivain]

Well some lies are justifiable to avoid conflict and hurt feelings like with the birthday thing. You said it yourself that you would be hurt by the truth if your boyfriend didn't want you on his birthday.

 

Lies are never justifiable. While I'd be a little hurt by my BF not wanting to spend his birthday with me, there are available compromises like the day before or the day after. I'd be atomic when I found out he lied to me about when his birthday is and that he deceived me to shut me out of his life. The lie you are telling is not a white lie; it's a whopper selfishly designed to prevent you from having to own your decision to reject your SO's offer of live & caring.

 

 

A white lie is you look fine in the blue pants even though you know the other person looks better in the black pants.

[regine_phalange]

So I think the best course of action is to lie about my birthday and say it falls on February 29 and therefore we can only celebrate it every 4 years.

 

 

Hahaha. I'd think you're funny for thinking that. And a bit weird. Who wants birthday gifts every 4 years??

[edition82]

Lies are never justifiable. While I'd be a little hurt by my BF not wanting to spend his birthday with me, there are available compromises like the day before or the day after. I'd be atomic when I found out he lied to me about when his birthday is and that he deceived me to shut me out of his life. The lie you are telling is not a white lie; it's a whopper selfishly designed to prevent you from having to own your decision to reject your SO's offer of live & caring.

 

 

A white lie is you look fine in the blue pants even though you know the other person looks better in the black pants.

 

The compromise is to celebrate every leap year.

 

If I lie about something that is none of her business anyway then it doesn't matter anyway. Such as lying about my favorite sex activities in the bedroom.

[d0nnivain]

The compromise is to celebrate every leap year.

 

If I lie about something that is none of her business anyway then it doesn't matter anyway. Such as lying about my favorite sex activities in the bedroom.

 

No a compromise is something to come to together. Your idea is some break crumb you want to throw her without input from her.

 

 

If you said to her I will celebrate my birthday with you in years where there is a leap year but you told her that you prefer to be alone on the actual day that is fine but your way is not.

 

 

If you are having sex with her, your favorite bedroom activities are her business because it's her sex life too. If you are unwilling to be truthful with your partner, what is the point of having a relationship?

[edition82]

No a compromise is something to come to together. Your idea is some break crumb you want to throw her without input from her.

 

 

If you said to her I will celebrate my birthday with you in years where there is a leap year but you told her that you prefer to be alone on the actual day that is fine but your way is not.

 

 

If you are having sex with her, your favorite bedroom activities are her business because it's her sex life too. If you are unwilling to be truthful with your partner, what is the point of having a relationship?

 

No as long as I do her favorite sex activities then it doesn't matter. She doesn't need to know that about my secret sex fetishes.

[d0nnivain]

There is just so much about you that you seem unwilling to share. It must be very lonely. I suspect that you will feel more fulfilled when you learn to share yourself with others. You have to let people in. Why are you so reluctant to do so?

[edition82]

There is just so much about you that you seem unwilling to share. It must be very lonely. I suspect that you will feel more fulfilled when you learn to share yourself with others. You have to let people in. Why are you so reluctant to do so?

 

I am ashamed of some things. I feel ashamed of liking a certain woman. Ashamed of sexual fetishes.

[d0nnivain]

There is probably nothing to be ashamed of. You like who you like. If you like little girls (children) or animals, get some help but otherwise you get to be yourself. When you stop hiding you will be a happier person.

 

 

I promise there is somebody out there who likes what you like. You simply need to acknowledge your own preference & seek her out.

[davidromero43]

Dump her. You don't need that kind of stress. If you take her to an expensive restaurant, like Olive Garden, she might want to eat more than just bread sticks.

[edition82]

There is probably nothing to be ashamed of. You like who you like. If you like little girls (children) or animals, get some help but otherwise you get to be yourself. When you stop hiding you will be a happier person.

 

 

I promise there is somebody out there who likes what you like. You simply need to acknowledge your own preference & seek her out.

 

No I don't like children or even anyone younger than me. If anything I like older women and feel I would be more compatible with them.

[sandylee1]

My feeling would be if you can lie about something as simple as your birthday , you'd easily lie about anything else and quite simply my trust would be gone. No need for me to waste my time dating a liar , who I'd have no intention of a lasting relationship with.

[No Limit]

I think I'd be a little hurt about the lie; I don't consider birthdays to be that special to be honest (haven't celebrated mine in 6 years), so I would have no problem leaving you alone on that day if you wish. But lieing about it would mean a lack of trust coming from your side.