If a guy doesn't care to hug a girl or shake her hand on a first date, red flags?

[Bobbi7]

I've met some guys from OLD on the first meeting that didn't even hug me or half hug me/shake my hand. And that just gave me bad vibes off the bat. Well, if he doesn't extend his hand, I'm not..who initiates these things?

[yxalitis]

Rule 1. There are no rules

Rule 2. Read Rule 1.

Maybe he's shy

Maybe he had dirty fingernails, maybe he has a particular religious belief.

Maybe the last girl he tried to hug on the first date told him to "Back off MISTER!"

Why agonise over this aspect of the date, and not look at everything else that happened?

Did you get along well?

Were you attracted to him?

Did he look you in the eyes, ask about your interests?

 

Did he ask you out again?

Would you go if he did?

THESE are the important questions to concern yourself with.

[kendahke]

I've met some guys from OLD on the first meeting that didn't even hug me or half hug me/shake my hand. And that just gave me bad vibes off the bat. Well, if he doesn't extend his hand, I'm not..who initiates these things?

 

In my experience, it's been a little awkward dance. Judging on our interaction during the meeting, if I liked the guy, I'll hug him and give him a quick peck. If I don't like him, I'll shake his hand and tell him it was nice meeting him.

[Vintage79]

If there's no effort for any kind of physical contact, I'd say he's not that interested in you, and that you're not that interested in him...and a handshake doesn't count - it has to be an actual, real hug or better.

 

If I'm interested in a girl on a first date, I will usually kiss them. If they're not receptive to a kiss, or at a minimum, a hug, I don't bother seeing them again. The women that have been really interested in me usually try to kiss me without me having to do anything...obviously, if I'm interested, that turns into a mutually fun experience.

 

Basically, no kiss or hug = not much interest by either party.

[d0nnivain]

I'm a business person. People shake hands as a greeting in all sorts of situations. If I arrive & hold out my hand for a shake but the man doesn't so much as return a polite conventional gesture, this date is going to be about 20 minutes long because I'm leaving. Failing to shake somebody's hand is plain rude.

 

 

If the guy is just awkward & doesn't know what to do, shake hands, try to hug me, or what I will chalk that up to awkward, which is find & can be endearing. Most times to avoid that I extend my hand for a shake because off OLD I didn't want an initial hug but I did want to break the touch barrier.

[DaisyBug]

IMHO, if I just met some dude off the internet, on a first date he's still a stranger to me. He owes me nothing and vice versa. You can't always tell on the first meeting if they're someone you want to pursue - that's what dating is all about - learning about the other person to see whether you'd like to have a relationship with them. Is it any wonder divorce is so rampant? People are getting romantic too soon and clouding their thinking from making sensible choices. I understand this view is "outdated" but I'm sticking to it.

[RainDown]

Maybe I'm strange, but I wouldn't want a man to touch me on a first date. Some people, like myself, do not like being touched by relative strangers or acquaintances. I prefer to keep physical contact to close friends/family members. It does not mean I am not interested in a person (or my date). It just means they are not close enough (yet) for me to be comfortable being touched by them.

[d0nnivain]

I understand a bit about the no touching thing & the need for more decorum upon 1st meeting but how do you feel about a handshake?

[Gaeta]

If a man showed me his hand to shake when I arrive at our first date I would be completely put off balance.

 

I went there to meet a man for a possible romance not to discuss business. Also, him and I have exchanged on the net and on the phone already, we devoted time to each other, we shared part of our history etc. It's not like I am cheek-kissing a man that just approached me in the street.

[RainDown]

I understand a bit about the no touching thing & the need for more decorum upon 1st meeting but how do you feel about a handshake?

 

I'm not sure if you're talking to me or not, but I'm fine with handshakes. I do them all the time at work or when meeting people. I do not initiate the handshake, but I am polite and shake if someone makes the gesture. If they don't offer a handshake, I don't either.

[toscaroscura]

I can usually tell if a man is only shy, but still likes me, as opposed to not interested.

 

The shy-but-still-likes-me guy might not go in "for the kill" but he will still be close to me, want to prolong the evening with talking, will smile and laugh and have positive eye contact, etc.

 

I had a date once that was less clear. It seemed to be going really good, lots of flirting and talking, but at the end he gave me the stiffest, most awkward hug ever and didn't walk me to my car. He just left. I drove home and the bad hug and not walking me to my car bothered me, but I talked myself out of it, telling myself maybe he was just shy and hadn't we had a good evening?

 

I should not have talked myself out of my gut feelings because the next day we texted and he started the whole "I'm not sure what I want, I don't know what love is, I'm afraid every woman is secretly like my ex wife, but I want to keep seeing you I guess" stuff. And I was like NOPE.

 

I'm pretty strict about first dates. Any weird/bad vibes, gut feelings, and any bothersome behaviors like that, and I just call it a wash and wish him well. On your particular date, I'd say the "bad vibes" you felt before the end is enough to just give it a pass.

[fizzylifting]

If there is no interest in a hug at the end of the date, then I would take that as there not being any physical attraction. If I'm attracted to someone, then I will always initiate a hug and a kiss goodbye.

 

And I am also one that finds handshakes a turn-off on a date. They feel awkward and remind me way too much of business meetings. But, I know they are what people have been taught, that when you meet someone for the first time, you should shake their hand, so I will shake hands if it is offered. There have been times when I've even initiated a hug during the first meeting, after we have communicated online or via phone enough.

[d0nnivain]

I guess I'm odd. I offer my hand for a shake on the 1st meet because I don't want the hug. Hugs for people I know, friends & family. Sorry but I don't actually know anybody I "met" on the internet. The handshake to me obviates the more awkward standing there not touching watching the guy try figure out if he's supposed to hug me or having to step away to prevent him from hugging me.

[Gary S]

My ex shook my hand on date one. The first big kiss did not come until date 3.

[losangelena]

I had a date once where the guy didn't touch me at all and I thought he just wasn't interested. Later that night he messaged me to tell me it was the best first date he'd ever had. Lesson learned—you just never know sometimes.

 

Conversely, I've also met plenty of guys who wanted to hold hands/kiss/other things on date one or two, and their genuine interest is very low, too. Might be interested in an easy lay, but nothing beyond that.

 

First date kiss/hug isn't necessarily a reliable indicator of interest.

[Phoenician]

so if he didnt hug on first date he is worthless , if he did he is sex maniac ,

if he is honest he is rude ,if he is shy he is a weak person .

 

If he insist on paying , he is too much alpha , if he lets his girl pay also he is a jerk .

 

what i know definitely after being a married jerk for years , and a doormat for decade; is that if two really care about each other ; there shouldn't be any protocol , nor rules nor red alerts .

[Perrier]

The worry is if he pecks your cheek or hugs you when he sees you, but at the end of the date he does nothing. Means he's no longer interested. That's happened to me before

 

Personally a handshake or hand touch or SOME small physical gesture indicates interest.

[FortunateSon]

If I was meeting a woman for a date and it started or ended with a handshake I would likely never make any effort to see her again. To me a handshake at that juncture is "colder" than nothing at all. I typically give the woman a hug when I first meet her and it has always been reciprocated. If I have any interest in seeing her again, I always go for a kiss at the end of the date.