I lied to her on the dates.

[TSnal]

Hi everyone,

 

I have recently met a beautiful woman off a dating site and have been on 2 dates so far with her. I feel they went very well and she has agreed to a 3rd date, so I feel like she must be at least somewhat into me.

 

Here is the problem. On these first couple dates, I had to lie to her. What I mean is, I am naturally very quiet and reserved. People have called me a "timid beta", whatever that means. In general I have always failed with women.

 

All I ever wanted was some affection, so on these dates I have faked being more outgoing and talkative than I normally am. This does not come naturally to me, so I have been drugging myself with a legal benzo/stimulant-like substance called phenibut prior to all the dates.

 

I feel like I am finally making progress with a woman, but I have to lie and drug myself to do it. O am not sure how much longer I can keep up this act.

 

Should I just break things off now, or should I confess I am not really very social and have lied to her?

 

I don't want to lose this woman, but I feel like I am living a lie...

[casey.lives]

be yourself. the kind of woman you need will fit your personality.. no matter how much you like someone you should remember that what you want isn't always what you need, don't force yourself. Plus, I've known many women to be attracted to the quiet ones... just make the environment match your personality and you will shine

[DaisyBug]

I'm not sure I'd call that a "lie" but I certainly don't think you should be drugging yourself to become someone you're not.

 

By the 3rd date, you should know her well enough to be able to talk to her. If not, how do you think you're going to keep this up? Not just with her, but with any woman?

 

No need to "confess to lying" - just go on your 3rd date as you are. If she's put off by your quietness, you can perhaps tell her you faked being outgoing because you wanted to impress her so much, and leave it at that. You might be surprised how much you'll come out of your shell if she's the right girl for you and you feel comfortable with her.

[cessna]

I agree with Daisy, not sure I'd call that a lie either.

 

Don't day anything and just be yourself on the next date. If she probes be honest, I think a lot of women would sympathise with you and respect your honesty.

 

There is nothing wrong with being quiet. People make out that men should be loud, brash and confident but sometimes shyness is a much better quality.

[yxalitis]

There is a lot of nonsense out there about "how to attract woman"

They all seem to indicate you need to be someone you may not necessarily be.

Alpha Male

Super confident

Outgoing

Successful

And if you "fake it" successfully, and win the woman..what happens when the real you emerges?

You HAVE TO BE YOURSELF!

That's the person she has to be attracted to, not the coked up you, the false you, the bravado you...the REAL you.

Look around, see that average couple over there?...are they both super fantastically beautiful, wealthy, achieving winners?

Or are they just...regular people, a little out of shape, average wage earners, who watch tv at night.

Yet...they still found each other...right?

[DaisyBug]

There is a lot of nonsense out there about "how to attract woman"

They all seem to indicate you need to be someone you may not necessarily be.

Alpha Male

Super confident

Outgoing

Successful

And if you "fake it" successfully, and win the woman..what happens when the real you emerges?

You HAVE TO BE YOURSELF!

 

So true!!! I cringe when I see what kind of advice men are being given (books, lectures, whatever) to pick up women. I do NOT want some over-confident alpha sauntering up to me with the attitude of, "This is your lucky day! I am giving YOU the opportunity to go out with ME! Get it while it's hot!! Because, you know, ALLLL these other women want me and all!!" I'd much rather have a gentleman approach me as if HE'd be the lucky one if I went out with him. In fact, shyness in a man is so sexy!! It makes me feel more forward, whereas a very outgoing man would kind of shut me down. A smile goes a really long way, so even if you're at a loss for words on your 3rd date, a pleasant facial expression (don't be so serious) and a quick smile will do wonders for your charm. And, being a good listener - look at her when she talks and don't stare down at your plate and shovel food in your mouth when she's speaking.

 

Good luck.

[MidwestUSA]

Thanks for some new reading material. I hadn't heard of this supplement. Is it sold as a drug or dietary supplement where you live?

 

 

Your Penis and Her Vagina on Phenibut - Hardcore Self-Improvement

 

Honestly, how is it different from having a couple of drinks on a first or second date to take the edge off? You get to the point where you don't need a drink, right? Or most people do.

 

If you struggle that badly with social anxiety, perhaps another line of therapy is in order.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I always have a vodka shot before the first few dates. Never considered that a lie

[yxalitis]

I always have a vodka shot before the first few dates. Never considered that a lie

Oh my...do tell!

[IronZ]

Everyone misrepresents themselves a little bit. You're making a first impression so you want them to like you. Of course you should appear outgoing, however you don't need to overdo it. Is it social anxiety? Once you get to know her well enough you should be able to move past that sort of thing with each other. I think you should go on a private date together like a walk through the park or something so that it's just the two of you. There you can open up to her a little more.

[Qboro90]

You should actually feel more confident now if anything. You say you "drugged yourself" which is probably a bit extreme. The drug didn't change what type of person you are. It only perked you up a bit so that the talkative upbeat side of you was able to show. This should just prove to you that you have the ability to be/act/engage that way and perhaps just needed a little boost to reveal it.

 

I'm not familiar with the drug you took but you're not a different person completely when off it I'm assuming. Do you like the way you were able to engage with this girl while on it? Is it a mere matter of your comfort level and have accepted the mindset that you're "shy and reserved"?.

 

If you like this girl then step out of your comfort zone a bit. Being talkative and outgoing is not going to cause you to go into depression if you try it lol. Consciously make an effort to do so and the more you do it the less awkward you'll feel. Eventually it'll just become second nature if you work at training yourself and being open to vulnerability. Just be yourself man, I doubt she'll even notice. Don't tell her you took anything tho. I wouldn't do that unless 5 years from now you're married and can say it as a joking "can't believe I did this but when we first started dating I ...." Kind of situation

[wizer]

Use the drug until she agrees to be in an exclusive relationship with you, by then she's fallen for you and if your attitude suddenly changes and you aren't as talkative she'll probably be ok with it.

[Gary S]

Use the drug until she agrees to be in an exclusive relationship with you, by then she's fallen for you and if your attitude suddenly changes and you aren't as talkative she'll probably be ok with it.

 

- I suppose some people may take this as a joke, but he's actually correct - by the time she falls for you, she won't care!

 

That said, there are plenty of women who like laid-back guys... it certainly beats a control freak any day.

[ascendotum]

Thanks for some new reading material. I hadn't heard of this supplement. Is it sold as a drug or dietary supplement where you live?

 

 

Your Penis and Her Vagina on Phenibut - Hardcore Self-Improvement

 

Honestly, how is it different from having a couple of drinks on a first or second date to take the edge off? You get to the point where you don't need a drink, right? Or most people do.

 

If you struggle that badly with social anxiety, perhaps another line of therapy is in order.

 

I agree. I don't think he should feel bad about himself. How is this different from people giving themselves some dutch courage when going out by drinking alcohol. Its just boosting his gaba levels, like anti anxiety meds or other other neurotransmitters with ADs which heaps of people are on while in relationships.

 

OP Stay on the supplement but slowly drop your doses with each date. Ive taken phenibut as a sleep aid and didn't realize it can make you more sociable but its something you cant take continuously, so you will need to come up with other strategies and supplements to dampen your anxiousness as well. Getting a beautiful woman as your gf should certainly help with your confidence anyway. Don't pull out of date 3.

[d0nnivain]

The drug use is a problem. Acting more confident then you feel is a technique called Fake It 'Til You Make It. By acting more confident, you will actually become more confident.

 

 

At the very least can you take only 1/2 a pill next date? Then a 1/4 after that until viola no drugs but you still manage to project confidence & have a good time.

[smackie9]

IMO it's no different than taking a couple of belts of alcohol (liquid courage) to take the edge off on dates. It's nothing uncommon. I don't think you have anything to worry about. I feel this helps you get out of your comfort zone and get over your anxiety. The more time you spend with her the less you will have to depend on taking a drug. You just need to retrain your brain....you can do this by forcing yourself to be more out going, .....if you work hard at it, you will see it isn't that hard to put yourself out there. It just takes practice that is all. So keep working at it, be positive...

[empresario]

I will take a different approach here...

 

 

What I know about drugs, is they very rarely turn you into someone you're not. They just make you less likely to contain who you are. I'm not talking about hard core drugs...more the medications.

 

 

For example, I have an Adderall prescription. Once in a while I will give a friend one just to see how they act on it...because the first time someone takes that drug they don't even know it's affecting them. All they know is they are being talkative, feel good, and are honest and want to share that honesty. It's kind of funny. Afterwards they know what happened. Second time they realize it and can focus the drug into productivity.

 

 

So what's the connection? You are medicating yourself to overcome what some would call a psychological handicap. You aren't changing who you are at all. People use medications to counter personal limitations all the time. I do with my stimulants and ADHD. If it's because you want to become what you are on it, then who cares? If not, then don't take it.

 

 

What will probably happen is you will, through loosening yourself up, figure out how easy it is to be yourself and next time you won't need it at all. While you're under the influence, just notice what you do and how the girl responds. Do those things without drugs next time.

 

 

As an introvert and someone that was shy growing up and now someone that has been in multiple TV programs (I act as a hobby) and speak at public conferences, I promise you the only way to become less "beta" is to stretch yourself. And yes, when I first started acting I would double my Adderall dosage before going on camera. Because it opened me up in a way I wasn't used to being at the time.

 

 

tl;dr: If you hate yourself for doing it, stop. If you liked the way it went...see it as an aid to stretching yourself socially, NOT a solution to the underlying problem.

[Bobbi7]

Hi everyone,

 

I have recently met a beautiful woman off a dating site and have been on 2 dates so far with her. I feel they went very well and she has agreed to a 3rd date, so I feel like she must be at least somewhat into me.

 

Here is the problem. On these first couple dates, I had to lie to her. What I mean is, I am naturally very quiet and reserved. People have called me a "timid beta", whatever that means. In general I have always failed with women.

 

All I ever wanted was some affection, so on these dates I have faked being more outgoing and talkative than I normally am. This does not come naturally to me, so I have been drugging myself with a legal benzo/stimulant-like substance called phenibut prior to all the dates.

 

I feel like I am finally making progress with a woman, but I have to lie and drug myself to do it. O am not sure how much longer I can keep up this act.

 

Should I just break things off now, or should I confess I am not really very social and have lied to her?

 

I don't want to lose this woman, but I feel like I am living a lie...

 

Hey! Where do you this legal substance?

[MidwestUSA]

Hey! Where do you this legal substance?

 

Google it. Not sure what countries it's available in, but it's usually sold as a dietary supplement, not a prescription (depends on the country). I think the place I referenced was call Happy Hippo, LOL!