coolpillow Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Hey there. So I connected with this girl on a dating site (we have a few mutual friends). We messaged for a while and went out for drinks. We were together for almost 3 hours, and the date went pretty well--it wasn't amazing or anything, but I've been on a bunch, and this one was good. I texted her the next day saying that I'd like to do it again, and she agreed but said she'd be out of town for a week. She mentioned when she'd be back, though. After she returned, I texted her, and she mentioned "sure, what do you want to do?" Afterwards, she dropped off for a bit (I've noticed sometime she just doesn't respond--this happened before we went out too). I then messaged her saying I really had fun, etc., and she said sorry that she was late in responding and asked to set something up. I then had to go out of town for an emergency, and when I returned, she agreed to a date and time and place. I texted her a few hrs before and she said "I'm sorry but something urgent came up, can you do lunch tomorrow?" I ended up backing out b/c I felt a bit taken for granted, and then I messaged her again the following week, and she didn't respond at all. She seemed interested b/c if she didn't want to go out at all, she wouldn't have asked for lunch, I think (and she seemed like she genuinely forgot and had something come up...). She was in my city for a few months for an internship, and this last message was sent when she had two weeks left before she went back home (8hrs away by car). So, it's very possible it just didn't make sense for her as she thought there wasn't long-term potential (and she isn't a short-term person). All this happened 3 months ago, and we haven't connected since then. I'm going to be in her hometown in 2 weeks... I know we didn't have much of an interaction, but I really like this girl and think this would work well. Do you have any ideas on what I should do? I'd like to ask her out while I'm in town. She's only a 2hr flight away, and if it worked out, I'd make it work...
chumble Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 You're probably throwing a Hail Mary, but do it anyway if you like her (personally though, I'm turned off by women who think they can be so flakey). Send a light message saying when you'll be around, with the proper ratio of cheesy emoticons, and how you'd like to see her. And if no reply or a deflection, just move on.
yxalitis Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 Ask yourself why you "really like this girl" if your date was only "Pretty good" and not "amazing" Ask yourself why you think she is interested when she's backed out of every date. (And WHY didn't you go on that lunch...seriously?) And finally, ask yourself how her being "a two hour flight" away makes for a sustainable relationship. I think you're grasping at straws..
Author coolpillow Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 Thanks, one more quick question: she will be away for a year from this Sep to next June (doing a year abroad), so even then she'd be way too far away. Should I wait till next year in the summer to message her? Perhaps time will also be on my side--will have been 1+ years. Or should I just message her when I'm in town next week? Perhaps if it's in a year, her outlook, etc., might be different too. And if I messaged her pretty casually (now or then), I know she'd respond. What do you think?
Author coolpillow Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 Hey, thanks. I guess I think there was potential b/c she mentioned that she was "sorry" and "want[ed] to meet" me, etc. I realize she was flaky, but perhaps that's b/c she knew there was no long term potential since she lives in another city?
yxalitis Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 Hey, thanks. I guess I think there was potential b/c she mentioned that she was "sorry" and "want[ed] to meet" me, etc. I realize she was flaky, but perhaps that's b/c she knew there was no long term potential since she lives in another city? Straws dude...they are just straws... She said "sorry" for not meeting you...I'm pretty confident ANY girl with a smidgeon of manners would apologise for not seeing you, doesn't mean she's into you. And saying she wants to meet you is a long way from ACTUALLY meeting you, words are wind as the Red Lady says.
Author coolpillow Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 Thnx. But if she proposed lunch the following day, didn't she want to see me? I know if I'd said yes, 99.9% it would've happened--would she have had lunch just out of guilt or something? She wouldn't owe me anything... so wouldn't that be interest?
yxalitis Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 Thnx. But if she proposed lunch the following day, didn't she want to see me? I know if I'd said yes, 99.9% it would've happened--would she have had lunch just out of guilt or something? She wouldn't owe me anything... so wouldn't that be interest? No Move on
Author coolpillow Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 K k. If we both lived in the same place, do you think this might have gone differently? I guess what I mean is, do you think it's possible she lost some interest as she was moving away in 2 weeks' time? Sorry to keep bugging you
Vintage79 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 Just move on - you effectively blew her off and you said yourself it wasn't amazing - spend your time trying to find someone that is amazing, as opposed to mediocre with soiled waters...
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 It sounds like you two just can't get on the same page. If you are near each other again, call her & try again but understand a 2 hour plane ride isn't exactly close.
Author coolpillow Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Hey, so she agreed to meet up w me tomorrow. How do you think I should approach this? Obviously we don't live in the same place.
ScotchBeef Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 If she wasn's at least a little keen, there would be no reason for her to agree to meet up. I think she was probably initially just thrown off a little when you pulled out of the lunch; she was probably already feeling a litle guilty about having to reschedule. I don't see any real reason it couldn't work, best of luck to you
Author coolpillow Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Hey, thanks. How should I approach seeing her again? Obviously I'd have to fly just to see her. I have no problem with that, but I'd have to tell her I like her and that I'm willing to fly out right? Otherwise we wouldn't meet again, right?
smackie9 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 She's wondering if she has a chance with you too, just like anyone going out on a second date. That's why people go out on dates....to see if there is any potential as they get to know more about you. 50/50 chance this will turn into a relationship, you will have to wait and see how things play out. Stop over thinking things, relax and enjoy the date.
Jacob_Duluoz Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Go to dinner and get to know her. Provided you can reasonably afford to travel on the regular, you have nothing to lose.
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