stupidkittten Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years and up until recently, he has always been super honest with me but lately I've been catching him in super small lies. It's really pointless stuff that's there no way he can even hope to keep hidden, just momentarily things to not have to do something he doesn't want to do. 2 examples 1. I asked him to pass me the chips if there were any left. He responds with "I don't want you to eat them on the bed" and I was like "alright" and then he responds with "I ate everything". Few hours later, I go to check to see if there were any little pieces left and there was half the bag. 2. Sometimes I like the vent open at night. He usually does but sometimes he doesn't. As I went to stand up to open it, he responds "what are you doing" "opening the vent so it doesn't get hot" "it's already pretty cold in here" "but it won't stay like that" "I already opened it" although I could clearly see it wasn't open. Obviously these are really pointless lies but it makes me wonder if there's some reason he has gotten into the habit of lying. I have relationship anxiety so I never know if I'm making a big deal out of something that's just pretty normal in relationships or if that's a big red flag. Besides that he hasn't really been acting any different
DaisyBug Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Beware the man whose lies fall so effortlessly from his lips. 3
Author stupidkittten Posted July 5, 2015 Author Posted July 5, 2015 Beware the man whose lies fall so effortlessly from his lips. Yeah that's what has me worried although it's not really effortlessly, it's usually pretty obvious.
Versacehottie Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Those don't "seem" like a big deal. I'm not sure what advice to give. Though most people who lie, even about small unimportant areas, at some point it extends into more important areas. The only thing I can think of which you should examine your own behavior. Maybe he feels like you are too controlling and everything always has to be your way and he is rebelling in only way he feels comfortable doing so. Just a thought.
jen1447 Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Ask him wtf did he lie about the chips and the vent. (In other words, if you catch him in a lie - even a small one - call him on it. Not like you're the lie police but bc you don't understand telling pointless little lies and it makes you wonder about him.) 3
caringsister Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Sounds like he's being lazy? He does want to go get the chips and he doesn't want to open the vent.
Author stupidkittten Posted July 5, 2015 Author Posted July 5, 2015 Sounds like he's being lazy? He does want to go get the chips and he doesn't want to open the vent. Maybe but I didn't ask him to open the vent, I was going to open it and he asked what I was doing. The lazy is possible though because maybe he just didn't feel like discussing why he didn't want to open it
Author stupidkittten Posted July 5, 2015 Author Posted July 5, 2015 Those don't "seem" like a big deal. I'm not sure what advice to give. Though most people who lie, even about small unimportant areas, at some point it extends into more important areas. The only thing I can think of which you should examine your own behavior. Maybe he feels like you are too controlling and everything always has to be your way and he is rebelling in only way he feels comfortable doing so. Just a thought. This is possible. For the past few months (since we moved together cross the country), I've really been having trouble with my anxiety and as a result took some of it out on him. Although for the past two or three weeks, I've been a lot better. I could see this though 1
SammySammy Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Sounds like he's being lazy? He does want to go get the chips and he doesn't want to open the vent. I think you're right, but he needs to just say how he feels. He seems to be trying to avoid an argument with her. Whatever the reason for lying, it's best to handle it directly. Lying doesn't really solve the problem or avoid the problem. It creates a new problem.
joseb Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Not sure if read too much into it The average person lies several times every day
Gaeta Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Could he just be forgetful ? He forgot there were chips left and really thought he had open the vent?
jen_r Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 I feel like those types of lies make someone a pathological liar. This girl I used to know would lie about the dumbest things like... the color of underwear she was wearing - things you don't need to lie about lol. I would call him out on the next time you notice a small lie and say "why would you lie about something like that??"
Author stupidkittten Posted July 5, 2015 Author Posted July 5, 2015 Could he just be forgetful ? He forgot there were chips left and really thought he had open the vent? nah because he expressed slight annoyance during both times right before he changed his story and said that he had already done it/ate it all and he admitted he lied about the chips because he didn't feel like handing them to me
Author stupidkittten Posted July 5, 2015 Author Posted July 5, 2015 I feel like those types of lies make someone a pathological liar. This girl I used to know would lie about the dumbest things like... the color of underwear she was wearing - things you don't need to lie about lol. I would call him out on the next time you notice a small lie and say "why would you lie about something like that??" same. it's just that I never noticed it before. I think throughout our entire relationship he has maybe told me one lie and I got super mad about it. (it was small but it wasn't that small) and other than that nothing. I guess I just gotta keep my eyes open for anything else that doesn't add up
Author stupidkittten Posted July 5, 2015 Author Posted July 5, 2015 Not sure if read too much into it The average person lies several times every day True, that's why I think it's may just be my anxiety at play here because it's possible that if it wasn't something new, I just never noticed it before because it's such tiny things
JaneyJ1991 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 I would be worried if I were you. If they lie about small things..They'll lie about BIG things. My ex would lie about his CONTACT PRESCRIPTION. I kid you not. You can extrapolate what else he ended up lying about. A liar is a liar is a liar. If they're comfortable lying to you in one arena, they'll be comfortable in others, too. 2
kendahke Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years and up until recently, he has always been super honest with me but lately I've been catching him in super small lies. It's really pointless stuff that's there no way he can even hope to keep hidden, just momentarily things to not have to do something he doesn't want to do. 2 examples 1. I asked him to pass me the chips if there were any left. He responds with "I don't want you to eat them on the bed" and I was like "alright" and then he responds with "I ate everything". Few hours later, I go to check to see if there were any little pieces left and there was half the bag. 2. Sometimes I like the vent open at night. He usually does but sometimes he doesn't. As I went to stand up to open it, he responds "what are you doing" "opening the vent so it doesn't get hot" "it's already pretty cold in here" "but it won't stay like that" "I already opened it" although I could clearly see it wasn't open. Obviously these are really pointless lies but it makes me wonder if there's some reason he has gotten into the habit of lying. I have relationship anxiety so I never know if I'm making a big deal out of something that's just pretty normal in relationships or if that's a big red flag. Besides that he hasn't really been acting any different He is a liar. Plain and simple. It's easier for him to lie to manipulate you than it is to tell the truth and let you make your own decision. If he will lie about small, stupid things, then he will lie about things that have a bearing on your health, safety and peace of mind. It's going to get really old being with someone who you don't know if you're dealing with a lie or the truth-and most likely, it's going to turn out to be a lie. Confronting him about it will only lead to denial and more lies, so you should really reconsider the wisdom in being with such a person. 1
PrettyEmily77 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 I'd also vote for yes, you are right to be worried. That's either a very passive aggressive way to regain control over you on some stuff he's not happy with when he could try talking to you or call you out on the things he's upset about, or he is practicing for bigger, better lies in future. Lying to protect your SO's feelings on some inconsequential stuff is okay on occasion (bum in dress scenario, or the waiter not being hot at all), and even that can sometimes backfire, but deliberately bending the truth for no reason is a bit shady, IMO.
Recommended Posts