MHProjects Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 hello all, its been nearly a year since my girlfriend left me, i did write a post about it, anyway its been a year now but i still struggle, i still have her on facebook, reason being because it would be immature to over react plus i'll always be there for her as a friend (and which i'm sure she knows), we haven't spoke much which is good i suppose but i still have that hole that only she could have filled, now i'll be honest life hasn't been easy, ups and downs, mostly downs, i struggle to understand or figure out a way of finding someone new, i see my ex has moved on so quickly which gives me doubts about whether our relationship ever meant anything, it did for me. what do i do?
erklat Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Delete her off Facebook and don't be there as a friend for start. 4
Satu Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 The best thing you could do is to go no contact, let go, and build a life for yourself in which she plays no part. Anything other than that is just denial and holding on. Rather than being 'childish,' cutting out the Facebook monitoring would be the adult thing to do. Move on and build a life that makes you happy. 3
aloneinaz Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 Listen, she's not your GF or friend. She's an ex who dumped you and has moved on to someone else. You owe her nothing. Having her on any social media is not a healthy thing to do since your not over it after a year. Just doing this will help you. 4
Chi townD Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 (edited) Still struggling after a year? Hmmm... what could be the problem? She's still on your social media and you pretty much put yourself in the "friend zone"? Hmmm... I'm drawing a blank on why you would be struggling. No clue. Edited July 6, 2015 by Chi townD 4
Arieswoman Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 MHProjects, i see my ex has moved on so quickly which gives me doubts about whether our relationship ever meant anything, it did for me. She was probably detaching from the relationship for some time - unfortunately she did have the moral fibre to tell you about it. what do i do? Block her on social media. Chuck out all her stuff that reminds you of her. If your friends mention her, shut them down fast. Keep away from any places you went to with her (if possible) - this is difficult, but you don't want any "triggers" at the moment. Keep busy - join the gym if you haven't already done that - exzercise is good to get the endomorphins going. You can do this ! Good luck x 3
Author MHProjects Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 Maybe struggling wasn't the right term, perhaps confused is more appropriate, only have her on Facebook but I never talk to her, at all, i have blocked her to an extent so I'm not worried about that however it's the actual moving part, I'm ready to, I know however I just don't understand what it is that curses me when I comes to finding someone new, I don't do dating sites, I'm an an around nice guys, caring protective but not restrictive. Yet I'm getting nowhere
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 Maybe struggling wasn't the right term, perhaps confused is more appropriate, only have her on Facebook but I never talk to her, at all, i have blocked her to an extent so I'm not worried about that however it's the actual moving part, I'm ready to, I know however I just don't understand what it is that curses me when I comes to finding someone new, I don't do dating sites, I'm an an around nice guys, caring protective but not restrictive. Yet I'm getting nowhere Give it time but I agree with all the posts above I would not only unfriend her I'd block her as well. You're lying to yourself at this point saying you're not struggling. You're clinging to something that you need to release. You're not finding anyone else because she's still on your mind. There's a term for this, it's called oneitis. 1
Satu Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 You should remove all traces of her from you life. Letters, photos, texts, anything that belonged to her, gifts you received. Everything. This is not a fun thing to do, and it can be hard, but it helps. It's a kind of banishing ritual. Once you've removed her from your physical space, it will be easier to remove her from you psyche. Set yourself free. 2
organizedchaos Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 hello all, its been nearly a year since my girlfriend left me, i did write a post about it, anyway its been a year now but i still struggle, i still have her on facebook, reason being because it would be immature to over react plus i'll always be there for her as a friend (and which i'm sure she knows), we haven't spoke much which is good i suppose but i still have that hole that only she could have filled, now i'll be honest life hasn't been easy, ups and downs, mostly downs, i struggle to understand or figure out a way of finding someone new, i see my ex has moved on so quickly which gives me doubts about whether our relationship ever meant anything, it did for me. what do i do? Read the bolded parts and then try to answer your own question as to why you still struggle a year on. Read the advice others have given you. How is a year later too soon to move on for her? 1
Author MHProjects Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 thanks for highlighting some things there for me, i have unfriended her now, i think i'm struggling because i myself want to be happy again and for some reason my mind always goes back to her, working and earning money does distract me but it does fill or heal the hole left, i don't feel a year is too soon to move but i perhaps wish that was happier even slightly.
Satu Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 thanks for highlighting some things there for me, i have unfriended her now, i think i'm struggling because i myself want to be happy again and for some reason my mind always goes back to her, working and earning money does distract me but it does fill or heal the hole left, i don't feel a year is too soon to move but i perhaps wish that was happier even slightly. You should examine the other areas of your life, and invest some energy into them. All relationships are important; friends, family, workmates. Feed those relationships, and they will bring you satisfaction. And remember this: Life is never about just one person. Take care. 2
erklat Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 I got to a point where I sometimes pine and I've been at this level for quite some time. 99% it's just my ego right there but I'm tired of not being 100% free. If anyone did everything that is there to be done - it's me. Job, gym, money, car next month, college, kid... You name. Hence, don't be too hard on yourself. It's trying that counts.
Author MHProjects Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 I know, I wish it was easier to be 100% again
Yummm Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 If you feel ready, you should also have a look at some other ladies in the market, there are plenty out there. I'm at 2 months post BU and find the 'distraction' of talking and experiences other girls personalities to be quite entertaining. Definitely takes my mind off the ex for the most part
HowMightI-live Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 hello all, its been nearly a year since my girlfriend left me, i did write a post about it, anyway its been a year now but i still struggle, i still have her on facebook, reason being because it would be immature to over react plus i'll always be there for her as a friend (and which i'm sure she knows), we haven't spoke much which is good i suppose but i still have that hole that only she could have filled, now i'll be honest life hasn't been easy, ups and downs, mostly downs, i struggle to understand or figure out a way of finding someone new, i see my ex has moved on so quickly which gives me doubts about whether our relationship ever meant anything, it did for me. what do i do? Youre still struggling because youre not over her yet. Theres nothing wrong with that, feel what you feel. That being said, i dont agree with the whole facebook thing. It says to me atleast that you havent let go and surrendered to what is. You can mourn her.....you must mourn her, but you must also accept that she's gone. You need to delete her out of your life for your own life...for your own sake and sanity. You still love her? fine; keep her in your heart not your sight. Let go. You spoke on friendship but i honestly dont see how you could be friends with someone youre not over because you dont really want to be friends with that person. We tell ourselves we can do it because we need something to hold on to and it keeps us hopeful that maybe one day that person will change their minds and come back. I was friends with an ex i wasnt over for about two weeks before we were sleeping together again. That eventually led to us getting back together and guess what? it didnt work just like it hadnt worked before. It wont work no matter how much we want it to. Let go.
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