JonRoof Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 So, naturally, I am the proud owner of the vaunted title of "ex boyfriend." It's really quite thrilling. I will try to tell me tale in as brief a manner as possible, so that you are more inclined to give me some advice when you've finished skimming. There was this girl in college, we were always drawn to each other, crazy sexual tension and we loved being around each other. Then, one night, it happens, and it's everything we both wanted it to be. We are talking dream come true. We stay FWB for a while, both running hopelessly from the fact that we were head over heels for each other. Then we realize it, we start dating, everything is great. Off I go to Korea, we do the long distance thing, and then I have to stay in Korea for another year. We weren't expecting it, and it strained our relationship. However, it was going to let us both move to Colorado at the same time, so it was going to be perfect. Unfortunately, I entered a pretty difficult time in my life and was feeling overwhelmed. I became less and less the confident guy that she fell for, and more and more the whining guy that I never was. She breaks up with me, and we do no contact, then reconnect after a few months. We talk it over, there are no hard feelings. She still drunk dials me while I'm over there, I drunk text her, we clearly have unfinished business. We both see other people, seems we moved on. Then I get back to America, we meet up, and despite what we both THOUGHT would happen, we fall hopelessly back into our relationship. We do pretty well, but we end up calling it off again. She is petrified of marriage/commitment/feeling out of control. We are the type of people that just find each other. It has always been the case. Now, even though we've called it off again, and I'm talking to other people, and she is texting some guy from back home, we still get together regularly. We have talked it over and I told her I won't stop trying to be with her. She said the magic words that she misses me, and that I frighten her, because she knows how she feels about me, and she is confident that, if she lets herself go, she will be with me without a doubt. The problem is that this clashes with her dreams of moving to a new place(check), getting a dog (check, he loves me), and being free to go hiking with her dog on the weekends without worrying about anyone (and check, now that we're off again). I will be honest, I'm not overly worried about the dude from back home. I asked her about him, she said she likes talking to him, and doesn't want to just stop. Fine by me. I'm moving to Germany for six months, and we talked about it at length. I'm confident that our story isn't done. Here's the issue. I know how she FEELS about me, but it's what she THINKS about me that gets in the way. We can spend an entire day together, and have an awesome time. When we aren't together, and she has time to process her responses to my texts, she is far more distant. I don't know that I need advice, I feel like I'm doing the right things with her. I know her inside and out. To quote our own conversations, we know each other so well that we have been naked around each other. Nothing surprises us. I just can't stand how much she is thinking about our relationship, when she says she misses me every time we get together. She confessed she is still in love with me. She just needs time to grow, to feel like she hasn't missed out. I'm hoping that my time in Europe will really let us both grow (while staying in contact, of course). I refuse to let her go without a fight. She is the person that I respect most and love most in the world. Please let me know if I'm an idiot (I think I'm not. Just passionate about the most amazing woman I've ever met... who also loves me and just wants some space to be totally free.)
TZilla11 Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 She doesn't love you, a girl who loves you will do ANYTHING to be with you, she just wants "space and time" to see other people keeping you on the backburner, and you're buying the BS she feeds you with the "I miss yous" etc. Go no contact and truly move on, sulking over this one girl won't get you anywhere, she considers you her backup, never be the "boyfriend by default"
Author JonRoof Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 So, last night we actually had a great discussion. She wants to give this dude a shot, apparently. At least she was honest with me. She needs time away from me, because I am always in control in the relationship... we aren't equals yet. So we decided to end it all, I will go to Europe for six months and travel and live an amazing dream of mine, and she will be without me for the first time in 5 years. I think she needs to understand what it means to miss me. I appreciate your candor, I think it was the swift kick in the pants I needed to sack up and do the right thing. She wants space, what the hell am I doing hanging around? Though I know I will curse this decision in two weeks, that's about when things get unbearable hahaha Still, thank you.
TZilla11 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 So, last night we actually had a great discussion. She wants to give this dude a shot, apparently. At least she was honest with me. She needs time away from me, because I am always in control in the relationship... we aren't equals yet. So we decided to end it all, I will go to Europe for six months and travel and live an amazing dream of mine, and she will be without me for the first time in 5 years. I think she needs to understand what it means to miss me. I appreciate your candor, I think it was the swift kick in the pants I needed to sack up and do the right thing. She wants space, what the hell am I doing hanging around? Though I know I will curse this decision in two weeks, that's about when things get unbearable hahaha Still, thank you. Some more tough love for you: You were never in control of the relationship, she dumped you, she reconnects, she initiates getting back together, you aren't in control, youre just wrapped around her finger, always waiting for her like a lost puppy. And secondly, you shouldnt care if she misses you or not, delete everything, and move on. She has zero respect for you, she flat out told you you're her plan B by telling you she wants to try out another dude. Muster up whatever dignity you have left sack up and move on, remove her from your life. She doesn't love or care about you, and you shouldn't either. Lets be real, can you honestly ever kiss her again after she sucks off the dude shes "trying out"?
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