shortee Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 So I have been dating a guy from work. This isn't the first time we dated. Several years ago, we dated for about a year. He had to go on leave for a short while. During this time, I didn't hear from him. And when he came back, things were pretty awkward for me. We weren't dating when he came back. A few months ago, we started talking more at work and he asked me out again and wanted to know if I wanted to date him again. So we have been dating for about 3 months and I was supposed to spend the weekend at his place for the first time. He cancelled the weekend, saying something with his kids came up. He has not bothered to reschedule and I asked him about next weekend. He said that wasn't a good time either. I did ask him if he just wanted to go and hang out sometime and he said yeah but did not say when. It feels like he's blowing me off again the same way he did the first time. Since I work with this guy and see him quite a bit, I wonder if I could ask him if he still wants to date. But I really don't want things to be awkward again. I just want him to be honest and let me know what's up. Got any thoughts about what I should say or do?
Redhead14 Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 So I have been dating a guy from work. This isn't the first time we dated. Several years ago, we dated for about a year. He had to go on leave for a short while. During this time, I didn't hear from him. And when he came back, things were pretty awkward for me. We weren't dating when he came back. A few months ago, we started talking more at work and he asked me out again and wanted to know if I wanted to date him again. So we have been dating for about 3 months and I was supposed to spend the weekend at his place for the first time. He cancelled the weekend, saying something with his kids came up. He has not bothered to reschedule and I asked him about next weekend. He said that wasn't a good time either. I did ask him if he just wanted to go and hang out sometime and he said yeah but did not say when. It feels like he's blowing me off again the same way he did the first time. Since I work with this guy and see him quite a bit, I wonder if I could ask him if he still wants to date. But I really don't want things to be awkward again. I just want him to be honest and let me know what's up. Got any thoughts about what I should say or do? It appears that history is repeating itself. However, sit this out. Let him do the initiating. He may be evaluating the past like you are. Have you two had a conversation about what you each want for yourselves at this point in time? Do you want a relationship? Is he just dating casually? If you're not on the same page there, just move on. For now sit back and observe. If he contacts you again and wants to see you, you go and have the above conversation. If you've had this conversation and he's said he wants a relationship, continue to observe his behavior with you. Right now you really don't know what's going on, but so what. Let it become clear. If he's not reaching out to you consistently and wanting to see you and you want more, he's not meeting your needs plain and simple.
BluEyeL Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Every time someone treats you bad in a relationship and later they come back, after breaking up, they'll treat you the same or worse. Just a matter of time. never take back someone who didn't treat you right the first time around. There are enough men out there. 2
Redhead14 Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 It appears that history is repeating itself. However, sit this out. Let him do the initiating. He may be evaluating the past like you are. Have you two had a conversation about what you each want for yourselves at this point in time? Do you want a relationship? Is he just dating casually? If you're not on the same page there, just move on. For now sit back and observe. If he contacts you again and wants to see you, you go and have the above conversation. If you've had this conversation and he's said he wants a relationship, continue to observe his behavior with you. Right now you really don't know what's going on, but so what. Let it become clear. If he's not reaching out to you consistently and wanting to see you and you want more, he's not meeting your needs plain and simple. Sure, you can nudge him, but you still don't know what his level of interest is. If you have to keep reminding him of your existence, that's not gonna be fun. Focus on you and your needs. Go out and enjoy yourself. Take care of you and don't let him think you're sitting there waiting for him. If he's interested enough, he'll show you. If he's maintaining contact with you, don't suggest getting together, let him do it. If he doesn't the next time, I'd say move on. If you never hear from him again, fine. Do not reach out again. He's shown you once already what kind of guy he is. Maybe he's changed, maybe he hasn't. Let him show you,.
Author shortee Posted July 5, 2015 Author Posted July 5, 2015 Sure, you can nudge him, but you still don't know what his level of interest is. If you have to keep reminding him of your existence, that's not gonna be fun. Focus on you and your needs. Go out and enjoy yourself. Take care of you and don't let him think you're sitting there waiting for him. If he's interested enough, he'll show you. If he's maintaining contact with you, don't suggest getting together, let him do it. If he doesn't the next time, I'd say move on. If you never hear from him again, fine. Do not reach out again. He's shown you once already what kind of guy he is. Maybe he's changed, maybe he hasn't. Let him show you,. I hear you and I would do this if we didn't see each other ever day. The thing is, we do work together and practically see each other every day. So it's just like the elephant in the room every time I see him around and talk to him. We haven't been serious, but we were planning on spending the weekend together(sleeping over at his place). So it seems we were both ready to take the next step and he cancelled. Then when I asked when he wanted to get together again, he gave a pretty non committal response. So do I just let this go and not bring it up when I see him or do I ask him what's up?
toscaroscura Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Every time someone treats you bad in a relationship and later they come back, after breaking up, they'll treat you the same or worse. Just a matter of time. never take back someone who didn't treat you right the first time around. There are enough men out there. I agree. Doing essentially a "fade out" after a YEAR of dating is such unacceptable behavior. It's cowardly and cruel. I don't care how serious or casual that year was. You two saw each other every day and work together, you deserved more than that. You see him every day, just be cordial but don't date him. Luckily you don't sound super invested in him anyway. 2
Redhead14 Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 I hear you and I would do this if we didn't see each other ever day. The thing is, we do work together and practically see each other every day. So it's just like the elephant in the room every time I see him around and talk to him. We haven't been serious, but we were planning on spending the weekend together(sleeping over at his place). So it seems we were both ready to take the next step and he cancelled. Then when I asked when he wanted to get together again, he gave a pretty non committal response. So do I just let this go and not bring it up when I see him or do I ask him what's up? At the office, you remain professional and stay in that environment. Compartmentalize your relationship outside of the office. You remain friendly, but professional. Don't address relationship issues at the office. The only thing that is important is what happens outside of the office. If there's an elephant in the room it's because you've brought it there. Leave the elephant at home. It's gotta be crowded in the car
Gary S Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 If it did not work out the first time, what are the chances the second time around?
Author shortee Posted July 5, 2015 Author Posted July 5, 2015 At the office, you remain professional and stay in that environment. Compartmentalize your relationship outside of the office. You remain friendly, but professional. Don't address relationship issues at the office. The only thing that is important is what happens outside of the office. If there's an elephant in the room it's because you've brought it there. Leave the elephant at home. It's gotta be crowded in the car It's not an office type environment. It's a large company. We see each other quite a bit and sometimes even work together. Relationship issues sometimes come up. He has brought them up more than me. I tried to remain professional the first time it didn't work out and that's when we started talking more and he asked me to date him again. I would just like to know from him whether or not it's working out for him, so that I can just move on. But I'm not sure that's what he wants and if I'll get the truth out of him.
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 It's not an office type environment. It's a large company. We see each other quite a bit and sometimes even work together. Relationship issues sometimes come up. He has brought them up more than me. I tried to remain professional the first time it didn't work out and that's when we started talking more and he asked me to date him again. I would just like to know from him whether or not it's working out for him, so that I can just move on. But I'm not sure that's what he wants and if I'll get the truth out of him. Work is work. You and he need to keep it out of there. If you see him again and he brings it up, you remind him. Don't ask him anything right now. Let him show you now that he's kinda MIA again. Don't get in his head, stay in your own head. Focus on how his behavior is making YOU feel and whether or not you could entertain this in the future. Because he does have children, etc. he may do this kind of thing again. But I'm not sure that's what he wants -- You're already feeling insecure in the relationship. If he was really being clear with his actions, you would be feeling less so. You may never get the truth out of him. He could tell you what ever he wants -- i.e. he wants to date you, but unless he's dating you the way you need to be dated, it doesn't matter what he says. How has the new dating scenario proceeded up to this point? Has he been consistent with communication and seeing you? Has he told you what he wants out of this new dating scenario -- did he say he's dating for a relationship or just casual? You said he said he wanted to date you again, but why?
kendahke Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 Got any thoughts about what I should say or do? Don't isht where you eat. Don't date coworkers. Don't date this guy. He's not interested.
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