NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 So, i've posted my story on here before, so this time I'll keep it to a short summary and an update. I'm 18 and just graduated high school. Around 15 months ago I met this amazing girl and we fell in love instantly. For the first year, we were completely head over heels in love with each other, and inseparable. It was truly amazing, and we started telling each other that we were the loves of each others lives. We were each other's first kiss, love and first "time." Around 13 months into the relationship, she started acting cold and distant towards me. Now, we had our fair share of fights, but we always made up and ended up stronger together. I've always had this insecurity that I would lose her, and when she started acting cold and distant, I started becoming slightly possessive and controlling, and we started fighting almost constantly. She never gave me a direct reason for her coldness, just that she "didn't feel normal with me." After 2 months of non-stop fights and things getting progressively worse, she asked for a break. Halfway through the break, she texts me saying she made a mistake. Then, we fight again and she breaks up with me. Get back together. Break up again, and here is where I stand. It has been 8 days since the most recent break up, and I think this is the final one. The first break up lasted only four days, and as soon as we broke up, she was devastated and crying, and got back with me just four days later. Immediately following this break up, I made the mistake of texting her and her friends several times, asking if she was sad about the breakup and if there was a chance of getting back together. All of her friends told me that there was no chance, and her best friend, on my exes instructions, told me to leave her the F alone. Then, my ex called me and told me that it was certainly over. I asked her if she still loved me, and she said she couldn't say she doesn't, but she does not want to be with me. The next day I went over to her house to pick up my stuff, and left her a letter that outlined how much I truly love her and want to make things work with her. She did not respond to this, and when I prompted, she said the letter did not change her mind and that she was more content than sad about the breakup. After this, I stopped texting her for five days. This morning, I wrote her another letter, this time telling her exactly what I think went wrong in our relationship, as we had so much love turn into this. I went to deliver it to her by hand, and she freaked out, saying she doesn't want to see me and that I should go. She did, however, angrily listen to what I had to say and took the letter. I was very gentle and kind in my words. When I got home from her house, I find out that she blocked me on Facebook. I was really hurt by this. To complicate matters, college starts in less than two months, and we're going to colleges that are just 30 miles away from each other. This was not planned, although we had planned to stay together in college regardless of distance. I'm sitting here now, and I don't know what to do. Just 3 months ago this girl was telling me how much she loved me and was committed to me, and now this. I know she still cares about me, but I just don't know what to do. I can't live without her, but I can't even contact her now. The pain is immense, and completely earth shattering. This is the girl I thought I would spend my life with. What we had was so amazing and special and committed. I genuinely feel as though I will never feel this way about anyone else. Should I wait some time and then try and contact her again? Should I forget her and move on? Should I contact her in college? Do you think she'll contact me? What should I do?
Yummm Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 You've read it before mate... I'm sorry your going through this. The breakup is very fresh for you so you're going through all these crazy emotions. The reality is that she said its over, you can't make her change her mind, if she wants to she will have to do it for herself. Go strict NC, do NOT contact her nomatter how weak you get. Post here and vent when you feel like $hit. This time is about YOU and your HEALING - NOT hers. Let her experience life without you and you need to emotionally detach yourself from her, by NC.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 4, 2015 Author Posted July 4, 2015 The worst part is, I feel like I've ruined every chance that I possibly had to get back together with her with my post-breakup actions... and even worse, I feel like now she doesn't look back on the relationship well, she just thinks I'm crazy...
Yummm Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 This should not concern you. Nothing about her matters right now, your emotional well being does. Focus on you and do whatever you need to do to detach yourself from her! You may not see it now, but you're 18, so young, with a whole future ahead of you. It will pass, just stay strong... if she's meant to be in your life she will. People unless they are inhumane do not forget relationships, but just because they don't forget doesn't mean they want you back....
dumbass2 Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 Which is exactly why you should go NC and stick with it and we know it is hard to do. There is absolutely nothing you can do that involves her. You need to back away because she has made it extremely clear that she wants nothing to do with you. You tried, a little too much, but that can happen and you'll learn from this. If you commit to backing away and working on things you can to improve yourself, you never know what might happen much later down the road, but continuing to contact her will push her so far away that it will be what she ends up remembering about you. From this point forward, anything you would want to say to her, just type down on your computer. Get things out, don't hold them in, and stash it away on the computer and do not ever send them. Look at them again weeks, months down the road and you will see how bad it would have been to send anything else. It's a process that you are going to go through and it will take some time. Take one day at a time.
Emily Broke Up Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 Don't beat yourself up because you said the wrong things or acted crazy. You're so young, it's your first break up, so what, you acted desperately? If you had kept your cool she probably wouldn't have come back, but if she had, how long would it have lasted? A week? Nah, you did what you did. And now you're in a very bad place. The good news is that it will only get better if you do one thing: zero contact with her. A heartbreak is a serious, physical pain. I almost cried when I read you post as it reminded me of the one I had recently. It's awful, but try to accept it as quickly as you can. Even if it slaps you in the face, tell yourself it's over, as often as possible. Accept it because that's what is going to save you weeks, or months of pain. You'll still hurt a lot, but the quicker you accept the break up the quicker you will heal. Don't hope for a relapse, when you tell your story it really seems that it was over. Sometimes, it's just over. Maybe when you're older you'll meet again, but you should focus on yourself for now. Don't worry about how she will see the relationship, if you truly had good moments she will only see that after some time. You're lucky because soon you'll be in college and have a whole new life. You'll meet new friends, and new girls. Meanwhile, try to get over your heartbreak by treating yourself gently and moving on. Prepare yourself for the rest of your life, and if you do it well you won't bring you baggage into your next relationship. I sensed that you had some insecurities: work on them. Try to be a better version of yourself. Workout. Travel. Read. You'll be just fine
bubbaganoosh Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 OK friend. You told her how you felt and you got her answer and it comes down to the fact that she is moving on and it's over. Now it's time for you to do the same. If you think for one minuet you can get her back by becoming a pain in the ass to her then your in for a rough ride. She made it clear so my advice to you is move on before she starts feeling like your harassing her. Then you got more trouble. Look your 18. I'm a 67 year old man with a ton of hash marks running down my arm and I have to tell you that this will not be the last time you have this kind of a problem. The answer is learning how to deal with it. Leave her go. You can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way. It doesn't work and by continuing to write letters, text, phone calls or showing up where ever she might be makes you look real bad. Trust me you'll get over it. It takes time. The more you dwell on this, the longer it will take to move on. Stop before you ask for trouble.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 4, 2015 Author Posted July 4, 2015 Thanks for all of your input guys... I really feel as though I will never love anyone as much as I loved her again in my life... And I have no desire to, nor do I think I will have any desire to be with anyone else, even though I know she does want to go out and hook up with random guys in college. A lot of people say that one never loves anyone as much as their first love. This is really scary to me, because my first love doesn't want to be with me anymore. Do you have any thoughts on this?
Jimmyjackson Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Thanks for all of your input guys... I really feel as though I will never love anyone as much as I loved her again in my life... And I have no desire to, nor do I think I will have any desire to be with anyone else, even though I know she does want to go out and hook up with random guys in college. A lot of people say that one never loves anyone as much as their first love. This is really scary to me, because my first love doesn't want to be with me anymore. Do you have any thoughts on this? No I don't think this is true. The reason you're saying what you are is because you've only had one lover, therefore have nothing to compare your ex to.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 5, 2015 Author Posted July 5, 2015 How do I accept that it's completely over? For some reason I'm still hoping that she texts me in regret, or that she realizes that she wants to be with me when it seems to be clear that that will not happen.
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