Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 I feel great dating two men at once. It's a nice ego boost. Especially because I've been single for over a decade. It just means I have options. And options is a good thing. One guy has hardly had any experience with a girl which is great for me as I haven't had many boyfriends and would prefer someone with the same level of experience. Unfortunately, he hasn't got much in the way of a job and so finds it hard to pay for dates and has to take out a few cards out of his wallet depending to see if money will go through. The other has money, has slept around in the past but prefers " pure woman". Although I'm certainly no virgin, I'm a little skeptical of someone who prefers " pure woman" but has had a previous life of sleeping around. The double standard is a bit disconcerting. I'm not entirely sure who I should go for as both have got qualities that are what I'm looking for. What has others done when dating more than one person at a time? and what has been the outcome? D
Shining One Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 Although I'm certainly no virgin, I'm a little skeptical of someone who prefers " pure woman" but has had a previous life of sleeping around. The double standard is a bit disconcerting.There are lots of double standards in dating that are fairly common. Promiscuous man wants a chaste woman.Short woman wants a tall man.Old man wants a young woman.Low-salary woman wants a high-salary man.Figure out if any are deal-breakers for you and reject accordingly. I'm not entirely sure who I should go for as both have got qualities that are what I'm looking for.Does either of them have all of the qualities you're looking for? You're still in the "discovery" phase, so you should keep options open. This includes men other than these two. What has others done when dating more than one person at a time? and what has been the outcome?I've dated several women at once. I stop multi-dating once things become intimate with one. With the exception of one, they have all turned into relationships. 2
Arieswoman Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 DoW, IMO there's nothing wrong with dating as many men as you can fit into your schedule. However, I would hold off intimacy until you find one that really floats your boat. Good luck and have fun!
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted July 4, 2015 Author Posted July 4, 2015 DoW, IMO there's nothing wrong with dating as many men as you can fit into your schedule. However, I would hold off intimacy until you find one that really floats your boat. Good luck and have fun! Thanks. Perhaps it feels convoluted for me and weird because I'm not use to mulit-dating. But I kind of have this almost hormonal desperation to make up for as much lost time as possible. I'm not talking about sex. I'm just talking about dating as many men as possible. It feels like "yes! this is great!" to " this feels weird".
elaine567 Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 I'm not entirely sure who I should go for as both have got qualities that are what I'm looking for You don't actually have to "go for" either of them. Dating is about weeding out those with "iffy" characteristics, not just going with the flow and making bfs out of those who show up. Too many try to fit square pegs into round holes. Decide what YOU actually want here. If a guy having a poor job and having to juggle credit cards is not to your liking and you see no potential in the future, then bin him. If you do not want yourself and any potential kids scrimping and saving all your life, then what is the point of taking this forward? If the rich, player type guy, wanting a "pure" woman sounds dodgy, bin him too. Sounds as you say a double standard and will your own sexual experience, such as it is, be a deal-breaker for him moving forward? If you feel uncomfortable with this, then bin him now, don't wait till he decides to go off looking for a virgin, as by then he will be well lodged into your heart. 2
candie13 Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 I think you should focus on enjoying the experience and getting to learn about those guys and about what you like in them. It's a phase, one day you're dating 2 - 3 guys, next week no one calls and you start all over again. Enjoy it while it lasts and don't settle unless you're falling inlove cheers 1
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted July 4, 2015 Author Posted July 4, 2015 I think you should focus on enjoying the experience and getting to learn about those guys and about what you like in them. It's a phase, one day you're dating 2 - 3 guys, next week no one calls and you start all over again. Enjoy it while it lasts and don't settle unless you're falling inlove cheers I think if you want to settle down and yet you haven't " experienced" as much as you should, in some ways it's too late. I would rather just settle than spend my entire years a lone. I'm enjoying experiencing what I've always wanted A.) a certain amount of control ( I get to decide who I date and when I date them) B.) having men like me and C.) usually there is a C but I just don't have one for this example. The truth is, I would rather have stability,security and long term relationship/marriage. I don't think I would want to date "many at one time" although it's an ego boost. I'd rather in some ways just choose out of these two and begin the relationship process that will hopefully lead to marriage. I've seen too many Pinterest,Facebook or Twitter profiles to know that spending a life of more than a decade is a lot less fulfilling and interesting than spending it with someone special.
morrowrd Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 You have more than two options here. I'm guessing this is an online dating scenerio, and the options are limitless.... First of all, dating two people is a pretty big club, alot of us do that. Dating is exactly that, dating. Meeting potential mates, and it's foolish to settle for just one right off. This isn't the 50's where when people dated, we knew something about each other, this is strangers dating strangers...and I got into the habit when I first started doing this, feeling guilty for seeing two or three people at once. I'd date one, then realized we didn't have chemistry or a real connection after a few dates, and then getting out was almost like breaking up with someone. And actually this happened to me several times so I stopped feeling guilty about seeing more than one. Ok back to you, you're seeing two people, and neither of them "feel good" to you. You're here for advice, here's mine. Get rid of them both and pick a couple others, and repeat the process if necessary.
Gaeta Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 I'd rather in some ways just choose out of these two and begin the relationship process that will hopefully lead to marriage. I've seen too many Pinterest,Facebook or Twitter profiles to know that spending a life of more than a decade is a lot less fulfilling and interesting than spending it with someone special. When you multi-date you let men eliminate themselves on their own. When one drops out of your list you go back online and get yourself a new one. You do this till one of them stands above the crowd and make a real impression on you. I have been single for 11 years. I would never qualify my single years as being unfulfilled. Actually the were very fulfilling as I have learn a great deal about myself during these years and took time to accomplish myself on different levels. One thing I have learn is there is no rush to settle, I will never run out of men to date and After 11 years living alone there is NO way I can settle for a man I feel only warm about. None of your prospect are relationship material. Go back online and get yourself 2 brand new prospects. 2
Arieswoman Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 OP, I agree with Gaeta. I have been single for 11 years. I would never qualify my single years as being unfulfilled. Actually the were very fulfilling as I have learn a great deal about myself during these years and took time to accomplish myself on different levels. One thing I have learn is there is no rush to settle, I will never run out of men to date and After 11 years living alone there is NO way I can settle for a man I feel only warm about. I was single for 15+ years in between divorcing my first husband and marrying my second one (who I am now still with !) Some of my friends said that I was "too picky" and would never find anyone ! My response was that yes, I was picky because I was looking for a life partner and wasn't going to "settle" for something I only half wanted. I would rather just settle than spend my entire years a lone. Please don't sell yourself short like this. Having been in a marriage that turned out to be unfulfilling, I can tell you there is nothing more lonely that being in a relationship where your needs aren't being met. Good luck and keep dating ! x 2
candie13 Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 Settling is a personal choice. I would prefer 100 times to be single but surrounded with people who make me happy - such as dear friends & family. Fear of being alone, fear of being confronted with ourselves will never disappear, irrelevant of.your settling or not. You can be single yet never be alone or feel lonely. You can be happy and yet not be in a couple. What people don't understand is that love starts from within, from yourself, not from meeting your partner. I hate people who see dating like a transaction. It's like you don't really like yourself so you have to meet someone else to put up with it, so that you don't have to. That's sad ! Anyway, in the end no one is worth a dime more than what they really think they are worth it. Hope u find whatever makes you happy ! Cheers 2
Radu Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 At least you are honest about the ego boost; it's something that many multi-daters [there was a thread a few yrs back about this exact subject] like to sweep under the rug. Have fun i guess.
Gary S Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 I first guy has money problems. The second guy is smart - he wants somebody better than him. But he blabs too much. Having choices sounds like a good problem to have.
preraph Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 The first one is terrible with money and the second one is a raving hypocrit wanting pure women. If I were you, sincerely, I'd be ditching both of them and find another couple of guys. Set some standards for yourself. The man should at least be solvent and not have wrecked his credit and try to be dating without any money! The other guy thinks women should be pure even though he's a ho. So guess what you will be once you boink him? A ho. 1
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