seixal Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 I seriously doubt you'd say that if you had a vibrant dating/relationship life. It's sketchy from the get-go and will get nothing but more sketchy. Just remember your words when you are the boyfriend she wants to get away from. Very often when someone in a relationship gets involved with others it's because the relationship has deep problems. Except for some depraved ones, people do not cheat on partners they are perfectly happy with. In life you can guarantee many things but you can't guarantee feelings, that's why this whole bf-gf stealing thing is little a urban myth. You can't steal anyone from anyone that doesn't agree to it, therefore it's not stealing. I know people get hurt, but it's better to hurt knowing the plain ugly truth rather with a fake happiness. At least you can move on and look for real happiness.
Vercetti Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Ok I'll be a bit more simple. Why would you want to date a girl that crawls into another man's bed after the date. Why would you want to date someone with a limited schedule cause has to sneek and lie to boyfriend. Why would you date someone with the neg drama of when are they going to get out of the situation. Why are you going to shoot yourself in the foot in competition with someone she sleeps and lives with. Fun as it might seem for some odd reason, one day when she is laughing about how clueless her boyfriend is or how easy he is to gaslight...you might just wonder what's in store for you. If can text you boo hoo in the middle of the night next to boyfriend, what she gonna do at your place when youre sleeping. I learned this lesson at 18. Why make exceptions for any monkey that swings to the next vine while holding the last. Her problem not yours. If you don't work out, she will still be with the loser while going after some other guy. There is nothing to be flattered about here at all. 3
phineas Posted July 5, 2015 Posted July 5, 2015 Never mess with a woman who's heart is already taken - the odds say you'll loose. If she's texting the op then her heart isn't taken. That said, she wouldn't impress me much but if she wanted to come visit me then whether she slept on the couch or the bed with me would be up to her. Providing I liked the non-myspace angle nudes she sent me.
IronZ Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 i have been in your shoes. thinking she must like me. but i was just a friend or an emotional tampon who she complained to about her boyfriend. i was even thinking if they ever broke up i would at least be her rebound sex guy but no. when she broke up she slept with other guys and told me about them. i never had a chance to even sleep with her. you might well be in my shoes. completely friend zoned. I'm thinking in terms of if i was a girl who had a boyfriend and was attracted/liked another guy i wouldn't be on the phone and contact with him a lot. id only do that to a guy i met but had no interest whatsoever cos I'm so comfortable knowing I'm not attracted to him. can girls on here verify this? The key in that situation is to act fast. You can't just be the shoulder to cry on, you have to let her know you like her and initiate it. If you ever stood a chance with her this is when she'll jump into your arms. Of course there's always the possibility you were never that guy for her and were completely friendzoned. But that's a role you decided to play on your own. The friendzone in my opinion is an idea that's completely man-made. All you have to do is make your intentions clear and they will make theirs clear. If you don't stand a chance at least you'll know about it and can move on, but if you wait around and never say a word then it's all on you. Women aren't always mind readers they can't always tell you're head over heels in love with them.
Author The Octopus Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 I would think I'm more likely to be friendzoned if I just keep texting her for months on end and do nothing. She flat out said we need to get together soon. I don't think the clue could be any clearer. If I hem and haw for months waiting on her, the I'm definitely going to be in the friend zone. Men show their interest by making a move. I'm not going to vomit out my feelings in a text message to let her know I'm interested. And as Ironz said, the sooner I can figure out where I really stand with her, the sooner I can either move on or escalate. The only real way to test her is to make a move. If she was happy with fast food guy, she wouldn't be texting and sending selfies when I ask for one from her. I think our interaction last night was something like 90 messages. Either she is completely clueless about boundaries with other men, or she is looking for someone else. I don't want to be a text buddy forever. If she passes the test when I visit her, then we can start to work on removing the other dude. And yes, I guess I do see it as a challenge of sorts. But I do legitimately like her, so it's not just a game and then drop her if I get her. But given the level of challenge, I can also detach and bow out without putting myself into a "woe is me" state, since the odds were against me anyway.
wizer Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 Sorry but I have zero respect for a guy that tries to steal away another guy's girlfriend, and I have even less respect for a girl that will carry on like she's doing with you, when she's in a committed relationship. It says a lot about her honesty- and it's all bad. 4
phineas Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 Sorry but I have zero respect for a guy that tries to steal away another guy's girlfriend, and I have even less respect for a girl that will carry on like she's doing with you, when she's in a committed relationship. It says a lot about her honesty- and it's all bad. It isn't his job to police someone else's fidelity. Also he isn't trying to steel her. He just wants to borrow her for an evening. Besides, if it wasn't him its be someone else. But I think this chick is just bored with her bf and looking for as much male attention as she can get.
oberkeat Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 The minute I learn the girl I'm talking to has a man, I move on. You'd be better off putting that energy into finding someone who's single. 1
Author The Octopus Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Hmm well the intrigue level is rising... I went to her town and it was unquestionably a "date" with her. I wasn't going to settle for anything less than a kiss close to show her I was into her and to test what her real interest level is. Sure I was hoping to go back to her place, but she's a bit socially awkward and shy so I wasn't expecting it. Dinner at a casual place, then bowling. Just the two of us. Totally had a super fun time. Good kino. Towards the end I hug her and go for a kiss close. I move forward, she moves forward too and its a lips to lips kiss, she didn't turn a cheek or pull back. Something still felt a bit off though...can't really explain it. It could be that she is just a bit of an awkward person. In fact as I'm driving home she texts and says "Sorry I was awkward". I just said you were fine I had fun and she said she hasn't had that much fun in a long time. So I went in search of answers, and like any good riddle I ended up with more questions. A couple of female friends indicated that even though I had a bit of an odd feeling, she certainly wanted that kiss too because she moved into it as well and didn't try to avoid it. She might have felt some guilt about kissing another guy. The other thing was she made no mention of the fast food guy bf, either before or later after i left, like "sorry I can't do this I have a boyfriend." or the dreaded LJBF. In fact she apologized like she had done something wrong to me. I was hoping to find out definitively how she felt one way or the other, and if Lord Fast Food wasn't in the picture I'd say it was a good first date. I guess the game plan is now she knows for certain I'm interested in her in that way, go for a second one and if she is willing to go out with me again one on one then it's a green light to go. She might just be too shy and awkward to initiate anything herself but she seems like she wants it. Then if she goes on a second one definitely escalate. If I didn't legitimately like her, I would probably have bailed since I'm actually starting to invest real time and money into this. But I also haven't gotten any stop signs from her either...in fact all lights have been green thus far...
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 She will put the breaks on when you try to sleep with her.
Author The Octopus Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Then she loses me when I try to sleep with her. Indifference is a good friend of mine.
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Then she loses me when I try to sleep with her. Indifference is a good friend of mine. I was just saying that is how this is going to play out.....you are wasting your time now.
Author The Octopus Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 She stayed up chatting with me until midnight last night and works at 6 am. She was excited when I said I'm coming to town again (this time it's free because work is paying) in 13 days and said what are you thinking? Still haven't gotten a stop sign. But for the first time today I'm starting to question the amount of time I'm dumping into this. But for me to be able to snatch her from him I've got to prove more value. This might be a bridge too far. Well I guess I'll find out in 13 days. If she goes out one on one again then I'm golden, if there is a protective gaggle with her then its friends pit and time to eject.
MovingOnIsHard Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 She stayed up chatting with me until midnight last night and works at 6 am. She was excited when I said I'm coming to town again (this time it's free because work is paying) in 13 days and said what are you thinking? Still haven't gotten a stop sign. But for the first time today I'm starting to question the amount of time I'm dumping into this. But for me to be able to snatch her from him I've got to prove more value. This might be a bridge too far. Well I guess I'll find out in 13 days. If she goes out one on one again then I'm golden, if there is a protective gaggle with her then its friends pit and time to eject. Hey OP, let's say you finally snatch this girl away for yourself, then someone so much better than you walks along and snatches her, how would you feel about that? Hopefully you've considered that. If she can dump her current bf to be with you then I have no doubt she will drop you too when she finds an even better guy.
wizer Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Hey OP, let's say you finally snatch this girl away for yourself, then someone so much better than you walks along and snatches her, how would you feel about that? Hopefully you've considered that. If she can dump her current bf to be with you then I have no doubt she will drop you too when she finds an even better guy. That's usually how it works. But this guy is convinced he's better than all those other guys so it can't possibly happen to him. Until of course, it does.
seixal Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 "If she cheats with you, she will cheat on you". Ok can anyone bring any evidence of that? Or is it just a catch phrases from people who are judgmental or fearing abandonment? You can't nor is it your best interest to force people to be with you. None knows her intentions she might be a skeezer or she might be genuine, only time will tell.
No Limit Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 She's definitely no prize, but I doubt your ego will allow you to back away from this now. Just know that once she leaves you for another guy it's just her. And if said other guy doesn't match you look-wise, well, he's just a better player than you are. Good luck.
IronZ Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Well, it sounds like things are going well for you. I say next date you need to move in even more. Greet her with a hello kiss instead of waiting for the end of the night. Hold her hand. Hold the door open for her. Touch the small of her back when leading her into the door. Be a boyfriend to her in every sense of the word. And as painful as it might be, at some point you will need to bring up the current bf. Make it clear to her that you intend on filling the position, and that you're not interested in part time work... if you know what I mean.
Author The Octopus Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Wow the floodgates just opened she just said she really likes me and is really unhappy with fast food guy. Mission accomplished!!!!
smackie9 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 You guys get together, then 3 months later she becomes unhappy again and starts hookin up with some guy she's been chatting with on a dating site.....REBOUND.........boing!
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