grokcahsevol Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I went NC for 2 weeks, and she reached out to me so I set up a date and we ate and went to the movies.. that went great, we held hands and didn't rush things. Last night we went to go see a band we both liked.. I knew she was off the entire time and I was so confused. We were starting to drink (the whole time I thought this will help ease the tension she seemed to have.. NOPE) after a few drinks she just said "Is that a girl or a guy.. it was a gay girl and then she said "I don't know what I want. I think I like girls" " We talked and I told her I don't understand.. you got me so confused.. she then started to cry I told her not to cry and have a good time (at this point, i went on my own and one of our mutual friends stayed with her). She called me to see where I was. That night, I went back to her house (to drunk to drive) and she went into bed and I went to the couch (she said you can sleep in my bed, I kindly rejected) The morning comes and we talked and she was telling me "Theirs no spark anymore" and all the other things that go along like "I need to figure myself out" She always seems to think about the future, shes afraid we would get a divorce if we got married (her parents are divorced) I told her you shouldn't think negative like that and to take life day by day. She then said "I'm so sorry to reaching out to you, I should had never done that" I told her I will leave, we hugged, and I kissed her forehead and said "Will be back together one day" and she said "I know we will" As mean as it sounds, I stated that kinda to test her and see what she'll say. What gets me really confused is this.. when we went out she started talking about how we should do this and that like making plans to go to another concert and to the amusement park like she was ready to try the relationship again. That night.. bam! In case you are wondering, we were 9 years Going NC again.. It seems as people say NC is to heal and to get over things and not a use for the ex coming back.. I find NC is for both.
quattrob Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 If you think NC is for both then that's why you're where you're at when it comes to this girl. As far as I see she doesnt want to be with you still. NC didnt change anything.
OldSoul86 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 It can be for both. In the case of using NC to get back together with someone - it is not a proven method, there is no such thing as a proven method for that. Bearing that in mind, a lot of people don't use it for that purpose - they use it to get some distance to gain objectivity to evaluate the relationship they were in. Only once you have taken an objective stance on the relationship and have really trudged through the hows, whys, and ifs can you really attempt to reconcile (if that's what the person chooses to do.) After 9 years it is understandable that she wants to make plans with you, that being said though, it is important to gain objectivity and truly think about your future - irrespective if it involves the ex or not. If you want to make the best choice, you need to put in the effort (stay NC, work through your feelings, reflect, journal, seek help if you need it, etc) and give both of yourselves some time and distance to curtail any sort of jumping back into the relationship due to loneliness/familiarity.
pidgeon1010 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I went NC for 2 weeks, and she reached out to me so I set up a date and we ate and went to the movies.. that went great, we held hands and didn't rush things. Last night we went to go see a band we both liked.. I knew she was off the entire time and I was so confused. We were starting to drink (the whole time I thought this will help ease the tension she seemed to have.. NOPE) after a few drinks she just said "Is that a girl or a guy.. it was a gay girl and then she said "I don't know what I want. I think I like girls" " We talked and I told her I don't understand.. you got me so confused.. she then started to cry I told her not to cry and have a good time (at this point, i went on my own and one of our mutual friends stayed with her). She called me to see where I was. That night, I went back to her house (to drunk to drive) and she went into bed and I went to the couch (she said you can sleep in my bed, I kindly rejected) The morning comes and we talked and she was telling me "Theirs no spark anymore" and all the other things that go along like "I need to figure myself out" She always seems to think about the future, shes afraid we would get a divorce if we got married (her parents are divorced) I told her you shouldn't think negative like that and to take life day by day. She then said "I'm so sorry to reaching out to you, I should had never done that" I told her I will leave, we hugged, and I kissed her forehead and said "Will be back together one day" and she said "I know we will" As mean as it sounds, I stated that kinda to test her and see what she'll say. What gets me really confused is this.. when we went out she started talking about how we should do this and that like making plans to go to another concert and to the amusement park like she was ready to try the relationship again. That night.. bam! In case you are wondering, we were 9 years Going NC again.. It seems as people say NC is to heal and to get over things and not a use for the ex coming back.. I find NC is for both. How do you find NC is for both? You haven't gotten her back. What you described is someone who is very confused and needs to find herself. You assume finding herself includes coming to a realization that wants a relationship with you. You should really use NC as a way to move forward this time. When we do NC and then cave as soon as ex contacts you, without holding them accountable to explain why they are contacting you, the end result is what happened to you, sorry to say. Her actions are what you need to concentrate on---I assume she broke up with you, then reached out during NC to satisfy whatever "craving" she was having and then realized why she broke up with you to begin with and is now back to square one. You are prolonging your healing. However, I am sure you will do what is best for you. Best wishes! 1
dumbass2 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Yep, it sure does suck. Been there, as I think we all have. Your logic knows what to do. There is nothing left but to let her go and move on because she is nowhere close to knowing what she wants, but she does like you there just in case. Your heart is what is making you do what you are doing now. You get confused when the heart and logic struggle. It's a no win right now and why you feel this way. The way to change that is to get away from the situation and let her go figure it out and don't wait for her because you'll be wasting your time.
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