Biscous Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I tried to be the good guy but I was not emotionally honest with myself and had reservations. I realize I am the type of guy that sometimes foregoes my own feelings for others and at times I may explode. I will say that a good bit of the relationship I had reservations about her based on compatibility, lifestyle, and my perceived neediness of her and insecurities. I have made a few threads about it and there were CLEAR signs I should have ended it but I made things worse by ignoring my gut feelings. The past year and a half or so I have been there for her for many bad things that occurred in her life -Friend assaulting her and helping her w/ getting a case ready -Surgery she had -Mother going into the hospital -General complaints about work and wanting to quit/leave -One of my own friends attacking her at a party The past month and a half she was down and depressed and I tried to be there but I have been consumed with my own life as well and my duties. She has been coming off as more dependent and complaining about my time I spend training for a fight coming up as a hobby. I train MMA a lot. So this all boiled up and I maintained certain friendships with females and also sought out conversations with them. I admit I was flirty but I have never been sexual with anyone other than my gf. I admit I called another girl pretty or a smile, but for the most part I was friendly and not seeking anything but a change from my struggles with my girl. I know that relationships and break ups take two people, but I cannot help to place a lot of guilt on myself. Yes she had her flaws. I thought she was extremely needy and dependent. She was extremely emotional and name called a bit. I said hurtful things. I felt she was complaining about things instead of taking action. I feel like I should have been honest with myself more and addressed my issues up front and resolve them or end things amicably. Instead I said hurtful things to her, broke her heart, and broke her trust. I feel awful for all of this because she is someone that I loved dearly (perhaps not in love like she was with me) and would take a bullet for her. I am really at a loss of what to do now because last night we tried to talk and I said something hurtful out of anger. I just don't know what to do because in other relationships I'm sure I did things wrong but I didn't feel like the bad guy.
jay1983 Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 You didn't do anything wrong man. From what you wrote she seems like the type of girl where "it's all about her" I've dealt with the type and unfortunately it's always the very attractive ones. So you're beating yourself up cause you were a little harsh when you let her know what your thoughts were. No dude, you're good
casey.lives Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 let things cool off .. sleep on it and you'll be back at it soon time.. change is something most people are reluctant to .. in two days you'll be smiling and having make up sex.. again
54JA Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 She was assaulted twice!? What!? That has to be a major trauma that should have required professional help. If her needs weren't met, it's not your fault because you are not a therapist. She probably sought all the support and comfort in you, which you weren't ready for, which in turn really stressed you out. She probably had needs that were greater than anybody could deal with due to her being assaulted twice. It's not as simple as saying this is her fault or your fault. In the meanwhile, you can have compassion for the both of you, for her, and yourself. No one should have to go through that. 1
candie13 Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 well, she seems to tick you off, which is why you say hurtful things... maybe she's passive aggressive and you feel the need to protect yourself? It seems to be a game where she absolutely wants to play victim - and manages to. You also seem to be uncomfortable to be very honest and transparent with her - when it comes to admitting what your needs are... even that you are unhappy... or unsatisfied ! I think you should stop blaming and judging yourself and think about what you need. What you need from a gf. I understand that she needs support and stuff... but she should get a therapist and professional help, not a bf. A RS is made out of 2 partners, 2 people with equal rights, where no one exploits the other person's strengths - or weaknesses. By the look of it, you have a hard time setting boundaries and keeping them there. You also seem to have a hard time identifying what you really like and appreciate in a woman and going with that in your mind... Ever thought about talking to her about the things that aren't making you a happy camper? I mean, if it's always about her.... something's off, no ? who takes care of you?
Author Biscous Posted July 5, 2015 Author Posted July 5, 2015 I did feel bad until we talked more today in person. She is equating me complimenting other women and having female friendships as emotional cheating. I can only be accountable for so much. I wasn't sexual with other girls or seeking comfort in another female.
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