Marc2686 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Hi, I met my now girlfriend at the end of 2010 through an on-line dating site after a month or so of messaging/texting. We went on a 3 or 4 "dates" between then and the end of the year. Then over Christmas / New Year time, things seems to not be happening, we didn't really text each other / speak a lot, so I thought this was not going to go much further. In January/February 2011, I had a heavy night drinking and ended up in bed with one of my friends friends (a girl) but from what I can remember, nothing happened sexually, just kissing etc. To cut a long story short, in April, me and the girl I met on-line decided to give it a go as B/f and G/f after a few months where we didn't really see much of each other. At this point I believe I showed commitment to her. My question is, Should I tell her about the one time with the other girl? It was years ago now and I think its beyond the point now that saying anything is only going to be bad. Also, I personally don't think I did much wrong as at the time, I didn't really think there was a future for us and the dating it was fading out. I only ask as someone I know said I should tell her in case it ever gets out? I just want to see what the general view is.
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Almost 5 years after the fact why now do you want to disclose a ONS where nothing happened at a point in time when you were not exclusive with your GF and were in fact free to do whatever? If your GF point blank asks, you can't lie but no good can come from this disclosure. My advice: keep your mouth shut. The fact that you still think about this is more destructive to your current relationship then the fact that it happened. If it was truly meaningless, why do you still care? That's the bigger problem for me.
Author Marc2686 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 Almost 5 years after the fact why now do you want to disclose a ONS where nothing happened at a point in time when you were not exclusive with your GF and were in fact free to do whatever? If your GF point blank asks, you can't lie but no good can come from this disclosure. My advice: keep your mouth shut. The fact that you still think about this is more destructive to your current relationship then the fact that it happened. If it was truly meaningless, why do you still care? That's the bigger problem for me. It was only because someone mentioned that I kissed her the other day so it was on my mind and the fact after discussing stuff they said I should have told my now girlfriend about it! I had not thought about it for years until then. Thanks for the advice.
salparadise Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 You had gone out a few times and weren't in a relationship- there's no need to disclose something that happened before the two of you were a couple. Doing so is only going to cause damage. No good will come of it. Stay mum.
Author Marc2686 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 You had gone out a few times and weren't in a relationship- there's no need to disclose something that happened before the two of you were a couple. Doing so is only going to cause damage. No good will come of it. Stay mum. Thanks for the advice. That is what I thought but I just wanted to make sure i wasn't the only one!
Methodical Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) I question the true motive behind the "someone" who told you to tell her. Going on a few dates does not constitute a relationship. Let's say she does find out. Um, everyone has a past, you weren't in a relationship, and it happened years ago. Who's stirring the sh*tpot? Is she immature/unintelligent to the point she can't make a rational assessment? Leave well enough alone. Edited July 3, 2015 by Methodical
preraph Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 You don't have to discuss your past with people you're dating, and some would prefer you don't. You think it's important, so that's the only real issue here, why you think it's important. Because it seems like something minor some years ago to me that should have no real historic importance in your life that you'd need to share, as opposed to, say, having a kid somewhere.
No Limit Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Would it help you in any way to know that your GF had some action while you might have been dating, but were not exclusively together? No? Then just be quiet about it. Unless she has asked you early on that she only wants to date someone who doesn't multi-date you didn't do anything wrong anyway.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 You weren't exclusive with your gf at that time, so you did nothing wrong at all. The reason it came up in your social circle is not good. What's the intentions of the person who mentioned it? You might what to tell your gf about it & why you're telling her at all, not now. That distinction is important. You are not telling her out of repressed guilt, but out of respect & to protect her. If she flips, you are with the wrong person. That is if she is on the same page about the non exclusive status back then. Of course if I was in an exclusive relationship & the communication stopped, I'd end things. I also don't believe in unspoken commitments like that. Events like becoming exclusive need to be discussed so everyone is on the same page. There's a word that makes an azz out both you & me if you use it.
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