yellowhibiscus Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I'm looking in the future and seeing myself dating again (or atleast trying to). I have a chronic illness, one that doesn't necessarily affect my day to day living and well being, but one that has the potential to get worse at any point and affects the possibility of me ever having children again. (I'm in my 30's with one child). Overall, I am fairly healthy, have a great job, masters degree, live on my own, and think I would have a lot of great qualities to offer someone BUT it is causing me a lot of anxiety about how to approach my illness with someone that I would be dating in the future. I am not sure how to go about it and I guess I have to realize there is a huge chance of rejection. Has anyone else ever dealt with this?
Gaeta Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I have friends with chronic illnesses and they date just fine. You have to jump in there and just do it. If it bothers one man than the next one will be ok with it. We all have issues, a lot of people out there have friends and family battling some type of chronic illness so many are familiar and understand it.
Curious-One Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I dont think anyone is perfect. We all have issues !
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 For me, it would depend on what type of chronic illness it is....and how debilitating it is to your, mind, body and spirit. The fact it causes you so much anxiety and insecurity would trouble me more than the illness itself....
baco Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Having a chronic ilness can have a significant inpact in one's life, not just for the ilness per se, but also for the mental anguish that it can cause (it depends a lot on the person offcourse), I don't know how long you have been diagnosed, but it usually takes some time to come to terms with it and to adjust, if you are pass this phase just put yourself out there, if you are still coming to terms with it, take your time and don't let the ilness define who you are. Wish you the best 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 It's tough to say without knowing what it is, exactly, but I would say as it affects your chances of having another child it's something that needs to be thrown out there pretty soon. Maybe within the first month or two, when a 'what are you looking for in the future' chat comes up, mention you're not looking to have any more kids because you're not medically likely to be able to. Be prepared that for some, this may be a dealbreaker. I have a chronic illness that has quite an affect on my dating life, it's a chronic pelvic pain condition that I've had since I was 17 and it's quite severe, I am on morphine, other painkillers and have to take antibiotics after sex, also I tend to have a lot of pain from sex sometimes, it's quite a risky venture for me in terms of pain afterwards and urinary tract infections but I don't really let it stop me if I can help it. To be honest I've just dropped it into conversations and then it's up to the guy if they want to find out more, I would make sure a guy knew of it before becoming exclusive though. To date, I've never had a guy be bothered by it or put off, I guess because it isn't something visible, not likely to 'get worse' in a sense that it's dangerous to me, it can't hurt them, the worst part is probably that I can't always have sex but I'm a very giving person other than typical PV intercourse, if you catch my drift, so it's never been a problem. The best thing you can do is just be honest with people, it'll put some people off but better to weed them out quickly. The right guy won't care... that's not to say there's anything wrong with someone deciding they don't wanna date you because of it, because there isn't. But there's no point going down the path with someone withholding something that may make you both realise you've wasted time with someone it ain't gonna work out with. It's tough though. I never talked about it with casual flings. I remember once though telling my ex when we were still friends prior to dating about it and saying how hard it was to talk about, because I guess it's quite intimate really (bladder stuff, although I just get pain I've never had incontinence or anything like that thankfully) and he said 'you think that's bad? Try telling someone you used to have an STD' haha. Put me right at ease 1
Author yellowhibiscus Posted July 4, 2015 Author Posted July 4, 2015 For me, it would depend on what type of chronic illness it is....and how debilitating it is to your, mind, body and spirit. The fact it causes you so much anxiety and insecurity would trouble me more than the illness itself.... It's a rare type of anemia that requires me to have frequent blood tranfusions and be on prednisone for an undeterminable amount of time. It happens to be genetic so I have a 50% chance of passing it to my child. I've been dealing with it for years so it doesn't really cause me much anxiety. I get tired often but am able to work and enjoy life. What causes me the most anxiety is having to let someone know that I probably won't be able to have any more children because I don't want to risk them also getting this condition.
ascendotum Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 For me, it would depend on what type of chronic illness it is....and how debilitating it is to your, mind, body and spirit. The fact it causes you so much anxiety and insecurity would trouble me more than the illness itself.... I agree ^. The fact that you can still work is great, but it may leave you exhausted at the end of the day and on the weekends. It also may sap your vitality for life, sex and adventure...like someone dealing with CFS say. I think a woman with a chronic illness is going to be better off than a guy when it comes to dating (what Ive observed as well) The fact that your condition is hereditary would put a number of guys off it they wanted to have a child with you. Maybe a single father would be the better bet, but there will still be a number of guys that don't want any children of their own. If your biggest fear is the future child issue rather than its impact on the day to day aspects, then I think you are worrying unnecessarily if its holding you back from dating. Just be upfront with anyone you meet so their is no anxiety about what might happen down the line. Everyone you meet that you like does not have to be the ideal guy for future marriage/father either.
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