confuseacat Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) I guess I just want confirmation.. Long story short I asked someone I like to hang out and he was keen and we went out...we work together so it could definitely have been construed as just a friendly thing. I guess I wanted plausible deniability and I was not very flirty, but still, if he was interested in me it would have given him a lead in to at least bring it up after the fact and maybe hint at doing something else in future..but nada (p.s we don't have each other's ph numbers) He has been acting as normal since, perhaps just that bit infinitesimally more comfortable-seeming around me. Just for context I had wondered if he was inexperienced, but now know he has been in at least one r'ship but I think it must have been over a long time ago and I've never heard him mention dating at all. Although I have dated and been in relationships (not many) I am pretty useless at it all, but would expect my asking him to hang out would have got the ball rolling if it was gonna roll right? Yes I am an avid over-thinker Edited July 3, 2015 by confuseacat
Manbrodude26 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 He may be shy, inexperienced, or just not wanting to start anything with someone he works with. Normally a man will make the first move, but it is not uncommon for women to make a move nowadays. Ask him out again, gauge his reaction.. Does his face light up? or .. If you go out with him again, and the conversation and or drinks are flowing make light body contact with him.. Again look for his reaction. You don't necessarily have to flat out or awkwardly ask him if he likes you.. Finally if he goes out with you again make sure to exchange numbers, if things went well and he was feeling you he will contact you 1
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I asked someone I like to hang out and he was keen and we went out...we work together so it could definitely have been construed as just a friendly thing. I guess I wanted plausible deniability and I was not very flirty, but still, if he was interested in me it would have given him a lead in to at least bring it up after the fact and maybe hint at doing something else in future..but nada (p.s we don't have each other's ph numbers) In that context no he might not have acted even if he had been interested because everything you did told him that you were not interested. He was not given the clear unequivocal message that any advance would be welcome so he did not take the risk because it wasn't sure he wouldn't be rejected and probably didn't want work to be awkward. You admit you wanted plausible deniability. That show you were unwilling to risk rejection too. If you want this you are going to have to step up your game & at least be more flirty. If you can't ask him out, you at least have to make it abundantly clear that if he asks, the answer will be yes.
green_tea Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Disagree with above posts. You asked him out and made a move - this takes a lot of courage. If he was interested he would have definitely made some type of move in response. The fact that he didn't leads me to think he is either not single, or not interested. Both of which are not good. I would encourage you to move on and forget about him. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Disagree with above posts. You asked him out and made a move - this takes a lot of courage. If he was interested he would have definitely made some type of move in response. The fact that he didn't leads me to think he is either not single, or not interested. Both of which are not good. I would encourage you to move on and forget about him. No she didn't. She asked a work colleague to hang out. That is vastly different and screams friend zone. If she had straight up asked him out directly without hiding behind a vague confusing & unclear term -- hang out -- I'd agree with you. But because she wasn't clear, we can't draw conclusions about him. Her equivocal behavior invalidates the results. Therefore this needs a 2nd clearer interaction. 1
toml Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Why do women (OP) here not ever think about the man. Imagine he was interested and liked you and he thought that she invited me out so she must like me too. Then he acts flirty and interested (more than friends) and you then act weird and shocked and cold and uncomfortable because he likes you more than a friend. Do you think a guy would risk that?! No Then the rest of the evening you ignore him etc. You women need to think more in our shoes and what could happen if women dont like us and we act intersted. Its humiliating for us when you women turn cold and ignore us
preraph Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 ^ Agree, BUT he didn't act flirty at all. That's her complaint. She thought asking him out would give him an opening if he was interested. While I see both sides of the logic in the above posts, I have to go with he's either not interested or doesn't want to get involved with a work mate or he's that awkward that he can't even take a hint, in which case all three lead me to say move on, it's not worth it. 1
toml Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I disagree with the above post. What if he didnt want to be embarrassed or get it completely wrong and the girl laughs at him for that. Its always better for the guy to act as friends and be safe then make a move to show he his insterested in the girl. Girls dont make it fair on us guys
Author confuseacat Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) Thanks for the replies It seems like some people think I should have made some kind of major move on him and some people think I did enough (by asking him out!) to indicate interest. I wasn't cold with him, (that was a weird assumption toml) we went and had fun doing the thing but he hasn't made a move back by inviting me to do something else, which I was hoping he would do if he was interested..otherwise it's just me chasing him. I was really scared to ask him actually and given that there haven't been signs back (apart from saying yes to the first invite) I don't feel that inclined to do it again. Like let's say he'd invited me initially, I would have said afterward well that was fun maybe we could do it again sometime or something..but he hasn't even mentioned it, like it never happened lol Edited July 3, 2015 by confuseacat
frustr8ed Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 Oddly enough I'm in this exact situation but I'm the guy. I went to the movies with a woman from my work. She asked me to go and I said "sure." I had a great time with her, but am totally unclear if she just wanted the company or if this was to push me forward toward asking her out. I got no signals either way. She wasn't flirty, didn't lean in to me in the seats, no head rest on my shoulder, that sort of thing you ladies tend to do. She shared her gummy bears so that was a plus. The movie was a comedy (Ted 2) so it was mostly LOL for two hours. I'm totally unclear what she wants, a friend or more. See it goes both ways.
green_tea Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 Oddly enough I'm in this exact situation but I'm the guy. I went to the movies with a woman from my work. She asked me to go and I said "sure." I had a great time with her, but am totally unclear if she just wanted the company or if this was to push me forward toward asking her out. I got no signals either way. She wasn't flirty, didn't lean in to me in the seats, no head rest on my shoulder, that sort of thing you ladies tend to do. She shared her gummy bears so that was a plus. The movie was a comedy (Ted 2) so it was mostly LOL for two hours. I'm totally unclear what she wants, a friend or more. See it goes both ways. Well do you want it to be more? Are you both single? If so try asking her out to dinner. It's not that complicated in my opinion. What's the worst that can happen? If she's not interested in more she'll set you straight and say she only wants to be friends.
Author confuseacat Posted July 4, 2015 Author Posted July 4, 2015 (edited) Oddly enough I'm in this exact situation but I'm the guy. I went to the movies with a woman from my work. She asked me to go and I said "sure." I had a great time with her, but am totally unclear if she just wanted the company or if this was to push me forward toward asking her out. I got no signals either way. She wasn't flirty, didn't lean in to me in the seats, no head rest on my shoulder, that sort of thing you ladies tend to do. She shared her gummy bears so that was a plus. The movie was a comedy (Ted 2) so it was mostly LOL for two hours. I'm totally unclear what she wants, a friend or more. See it goes both ways. Obviously I'm biased but as she took the initiative to ask you to do something (which may have been hard for her to do) even if she liked you she might not have wanted to be too forward without knowing where you stand. IMO if you like her / want to get to know her better I see it as the ball now being in your court to ask her to do something else..next time there may well be more overt signals...if 'my' guy asked me to go out again I would be more flirty next time..I wanted to touch him but it felt too soon for me to make that kind of move as I really just wanted to gauge his interest level first Edited July 4, 2015 by confuseacat
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 Especially in a work situation clearer signs are needed from both parties. As a woman, I have done things out of work with male colleagues I was absolutely not interested in dating but with whom I wanted to develop a friendship. I would make it clear that romance wasn't on the agenda by saying things like "I'm so glad we're becoming friends" or talking a LOT about my BF. As a tip to men I think many women you included OP struggle with being that straightforward so if one invites you to do something with her, even when her behavior is hard to read because there are no overt signs of interest, she may be playing the game of let the man chase the woman. So I think you are on solid ground to ask for a date. Because this is a work situation though if she says no, back off immediately, apologize and do everything in your power to act like it's no big deal & still work with the other person as though the request never occurred.
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