IronZ Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I apologize for what will be a very lengthy post, but I need some helpful advice here and hopefully some encouragement. I have been dating several girls over the past few months in search of what we all hope, everlasting love. Unfortunately it hasn't really worked out too well for me so far. Most recently a girl messaged me on an OLD site. Yes, she messaged me. It's usually the other way around where the guy does all the messaging. Anyway, we talked and got to know each other, I asked her out, etc. She seemed fully committed to starting and growing a real relationship. We went out on 4 dates over the course of 3 weeks. I paid for every single date. And yet? Nothing happened between us. She never so much as even kissed me. I recall trying to hold her hand at one point and she got fidgety and weird about it. I could tell right then and there that she was never serious about the relationship. So what was she doing exactly? Using me for free food? Eventually she broke it off with me over text (yes, very classless of her) because she wanted to pursue another guy. Anyway, I'm not here to gripe about her, as bad as that experience was. The predicament I'm in now is that during those 3 weeks that I dated her, I ended up meeting her best friend a couple times. And I felt it immediately. We just clicked so well together. When I was talking to the both of them the conversation was usually between myself and the friend. We had so many things in common. We got along great. And she was extremely beautiful (way more attractive than the girl I dated). At one point when I was walking with the two of them, myself and the friend found ourselves making eye contact and she had this look. This look that I've seen before. I could tell that she liked me. It was immediate, unapologetic chemistry. And I even made the ballsy move of getting her friend's number. Fast forward to today, it's been 2 weeks since the "relationship" ended, and I haven't spoken to that girl since. I have however been regularly texting her best friend. We've had very meaningful and playful conversation together. A week ago she actually invited me out for coffee, but she ended up not feeling well that day so we rescheduled. Just myself and her. We are supposed to do something this weekend and I mentioned her favorite food and we agreed to have dinner. She's a recent grad and still interviewing for jobs so she mentioned she would like to go somewhere cheaper, but I let her know I would be a gentleman and pay for dinner. She responded to this with very sincere thank yous and I found that we sort of have flirted just a little with each other. Everything is going great, right? Ok so here's where it gets tricky. I understand that dating the best friend of a girl you were previously involved with is usually tricky business, but given the circumstances, I think I should be allowed. I was never in a real relationship with the previous girl, it was short term (a matter of weeks), and she's the one who ended it. That should give me clearance to go ahead and make a move, correct? But the real tough part here.. and I admit I'm ashamed to say it.. is that she has a boyfriend. Not only that, but she lives with him. I've even met him once, not that we really talked it was a simple hello. This guy is still a student and has no job so he lives with his parents. She lives with him at his parents' house. Look, I'm not a bad guy, and I hate the fact that I'm even considering this, but I need to try and get the girl here. She was perfect in every way and I feel like we really connected on a deep level. It's just hard knowing that at the end of the day she goes home to him. When I take her out this weekend I'll be doing so knowing two things: 1. She will go home to him at the end of the date. 2. It will be a very awkward sell trying to ask her to be mine. As excited as I am about seeing her, I'm also nervous and distraught. It's not that unusual for this type of occurrence to happen (the guy longing for the taken girl) but it's still very difficult. I would like some real advice here on how to best approach this situation. What's a good way of letting her know that I like her and that she's with the wrong guy?
darkmoon Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) does she see you as the right guy? like you see her as the right girl? we do not know offer her a home and invite her to move in, unless you want to be a side-peice, which might get you a thump from the guy she lives with if you sleep with her atmo, it could mess her up hormonally, having feelings for you but still with him, but we must see - why has she not moved out anyway? is something there that she likes? i do see meeting for dinner at a weekend as a sign of some low committment to the guy she lives with, me encouraging you Edited July 3, 2015 by darkmoon
Author IronZ Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 Good questions you've raised. Let's see... First I should say this "date" as I would call it (one on one meeting) is the first time I'm seeing just her. The previous 2 times I was with the last girl (her best friend). This is a little different in my book and could determine how it goes. Just wanted to make that known. I've yet to see her alone. This will be the first time. Does she see me as the right guy - that I do not know yet. I'm hopeful. Based on what I've experienced so far with her, I feel like she likes me. I also think she likes my circumstances as well. Unlike her bf who is still yet to graduate college and has no job/lives with his parents, I have a very good job and an MBA. I'm financially successful, soon to be moving into a new apartment, charismatic, gentlemanly, etc. She's told me all of this. She mentions that I'm so nice to her and I'm a sweet guy. She calls me pet names at times (although kind of throws it in casually). She uses heart smileys and kiss smileys. I think she flirts with me a little. I have a lot going for me. I know that she sees that too and I think this is a very good indicator that she sees me as the right guy. Offering her a home - Honestly, once I move into my new apartment, I would have no problem doing this if we actually started a serious relationship. She's not homeless. She has parents nearby who own a house. She lives with him because he's her bf. I have no doubt that if she broke up with him she would have a place to go until we made that jump (which I think is a big step in a relationship). No, I do not want to be a side piece. Until she breaks up with him I realize that's what it would be. I just need to get to that step first where she chooses me over him. Sleeping together - it has not gotten there. Just light flirting and planning to see each other for dinner. If it ever got to the point where she would want to sleep with me, I'd have to insist on the bf and her splitting up first. Meeting for dinner sign - I think you're right, and that's how I see it as well. If she's investing this much attention to me and doing a one-on-one dinner with me, it's surely a sign that she's not that emotionally invested in the guy. Right? What's the best way to approach this? Do I go all in and let her know I like her? Do I try to play it cool and not mention it at all?
darkmoon Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) you are doing all you can, dinner, fun, smartness, you both click... she might well leave him for you, these things do occur, but the one thing you did not respond to - why has she not moved out and left him already? this is a cog we need to look at you need to ask in a subtle way, try - how do you spend your week-night evenings? it might be that she is bored or thoroughly unhappy with her lot (we hope) Edited July 3, 2015 by darkmoon
Grumpybutfun Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 The huge red flag is that she is so obviously flirting and leading you on while she has a bf. If she will do that to him, she will do that to you. This is about integrity....yours and hers. She is displaying little and you are letting yours be compromised. If she is living with a man, their relationship isn't casual. Good luck, Grumps 2
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Agree with Grumpybutfun, you will be dating a cheater - she is not only dating this guy, she lives with him. You may feel you are rescuing her from the "idiot" bf, but fast forward and you may be the "idiot" bf. Flirting, giving you attention and agreeing to go on dates may not mean she is not invested in the other guy, she maybe just likes the attention of a side piece, cheaters often do. Some have no intention of leaving the primary relationship, they just want some fun. This girl has a bf and seems to have no qualms about dating someone her friend was involved with either... Just be careful here, tread warily, this may just be an elaborate game on her part, and I guess you may be the one getting hurt.
Rko28 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 wow... I was going to say go for it as it all sounded good and you have every right to date her because you never got serious with her friend... thats until you got to the part shes in a relationship. If youre after love, steer well clear, if you're after a bit of sex then its worth a risk. Personally I wouldnt even get involved
Lois_Griffin Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Even though her relationship sounds totally lame and juvenile what with living with her boyfriends' parents, it's really more about her character than it is her situation. As the others have said, if this gets to a stage where you're in a committed relationship with her, she's already shown you who she is. Don't make the mistake of thinking you were JUST that special that she broke a cardinal rule she'd normally never break otherwise. Seems she's pretty practiced at doing things behind her boyfriends' back, actually. And lucky you - that could YOU one day.
Author IronZ Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 Thanks for all the replies everyone. Yes, I understand the logic here. That if she's willing to flirt with me and possibly leave her bf for me, then what's to stop her from doing it again in the future. But the way I see it is what if this is just the circumstance we found ourselves in? She was in a relationship before she met me. What if I'm the right guy? I don't think it's fair to just assume she's a cheater when this could just be two people who are meant for each other finally finding each other. I know, that sounds very naive. I'm not a fool so I will tread lightly. I'll have to just wait and see what happens.
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