Bradt Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 I’m still a bit broken but think I moved passed most my emotions at this stage. Me and my ex-gf met 7 years ago. We met through social media. At the time I was still with someone else (a rebound gf and I was her rebound bf)She went back to her ex after we found out my baby mama was her half-sister.8 years ago my baby mama and I broke up because she cheated on me. Anyway from day 1 me and my ex(of 7 years) were cool. We met had a drink went to her place drank some more and she became really tipsy. We were half naked on her bed… and she said she’s drunk. I stopped, got up and left. Told her I’m not the type of guy that take advantage of drunk woman.(This was the person I was before this relationship) We stayed in different towns but it was like 30mins drive and we could see each other a lot. We were great together. Did everything, go clubbing, partying and some days just chill at home and talk for hours about anything. Awesome times. Well she became pregnant a year into our relationship. Her niece moved in by them and then the crap started. She became distant while she were pregnant. One night I came to her and found her and her niece talking to other guys that came to visit them. I would have liked an introduction but instead the guys left when I got there. She had 4 different stories on who these guys were. Until her mom told me the true story. I lost it to think she is carrying my child and want to hang out with guys she just met! This was the first time I lifted my hands for her. And I’m still ashamed of myself years later. We broke up and made up…. I eventually moved in with her after my parents kicked me out the house because she was pregnant and my mom couldn’t stand her. But I couldn’t leave her while shes pregnant, I loved her and my new baby boy in her belly. We lost the baby 8 months into pregnancy….Tough times. Me and her eventually got our own place and got engaged. Crying as I write this! Where things took a change for the worst was when she became very controlling. I couldn’t do anything right. I didn’t clean, make the bed, wash dishes etc. the way she want it done. I started feeling scared of her when she come home. Because I knew she will find something wrong and throw a tantrum. I also had an anger problem and we would end up arguing and swearing each other. I would always apologise afterwards when she gave me the silent treatment. She never said sorry. The second time I lost my temper was… I told her I don’t feel like drinking that night. She wanted to get out the house though. So we went to the bar to play pool and have a beer or two. We had fun until an old neighbour guy of hers came to the bar. The two of them made plans to go to our place and go drink further. I couldn’t say “no” after she already said yes. So we went, me, her, him and two of his friends. Everything went well. But a while back this guy sent her an sms, telling her how “hot” she is while he knew I was with her. It pissed me off. Anyway, that night at our place I told him I forgave him because I haven’t spoken to him since the sms. He told me “WHATHEVER HAPPENED BETWEEN ME AND (MY EX) IS OVER NOW”. I knew for a fact there were nothing, I might have been wrong. So I told him not come talk **** of my woman! This is when she came and started screaming at me, calling me a C(female vagina in an ugly way). Those people left and my ex was still screaming and shouting at me. I begged her to stop. Again I snapped and lifted my hands to her. I kicked the gate so hard she was standing against that a broke the gate. I didn’t want to hurt her so I kicked the gate. I threw her on the floor and stepped next to her head and told her to shut the **** up! She broke up with me, then she,her mom and aunt came to my place and just took her stuff…we made up couple of weeks later. This was probably our 4th break up. We moved to another place. The controlling became worse. I felt like I’m walking on eggs. I was not allowed to play my PS3 if she is home. We only listen to her music and I have to kinda get approval from her if I want to do something. I became so frustrated that I put her out one night.(wrong of me). There were times I had to get out of bed, get dressed and go sit in a bar at 1AM because she had a tantrum, but I have to wake up 4hours later for work. I have to admit I was not all innocent in all this. I also lost it more and more. Not physical but with in my words. The how many-eth break up… She invited me to her work party. I went there sober, when I got there she were tipsy already. I then noticed she and another guy(Co-worker of hers) were very close. The 3 of us would be in a conversation but one minute in they would totally ignore me. They were kind off touchy feely. I left them alone and hung out with other people she work with, played pool etc. I got tipsy later on and told them they better stop their **** because I’m getting upset(at this point I was sooo Pissed-off). But I knew how the argument will go if I would say something. Me and her would end up swearing each other. And she would tell me to F-off. We got home and she passed out next to the toilet, vomiting. I felt like leaving her there because of the way I felt about her and the other guy. But I picked her up, got her shoes etc. off and put her in bed. The next day I sent her a message that I want to please talk about what happened because I felt hurt, and I don’t want to argue. I got home, she was in the bath and I spoke to her calmly. She just ignored me. I asked her to pleaaaase just apologise because I understand she was drunk. Still she ignored me. I got so upset that I spit in her face.(I’m still bloody crying! How could I do these things). She than left me again! This was last year. The same time I got a new job and went through intense training. I was broken in a million pieces. I went to work drunk! I been studying after work and made a lot of effort for this new position at work for 12 months, and then it all meant nothing to me! She f-n broke me down to the point where I became suicidal. I felt like every other guy she know mean more than me! And I gave her everything. I’m still in debt. I still begged her to take me back. I went to cry by her mom and dad because I have no one left. My mom(my rock) passed away 2011 and I’m not close to any of my family. I eventually moved into a flat with a friend. I started going out and meeting new friends. Went back to doing kickboxing and went back to church. I went to see a phycologist to help[ me with my suicidal thoughts because I have my child from my old ex that depend on me because her my kid’s mom don’t work. My phycologist helped me to also deal with my own anger problems. My ex-gf than came back again and I felt I am ready to do things different, sure I could make it work. We were still just “seeing” each other. Then I introduced her to gay friend I met while me and her were separated, she ended up flirting with this guy in front of me. I could not say anything because I soooo wanted her back. I then got sent overseas for further training. Me and her skyped and I called her a lot. But then times she would just tell me it’s over for no reason. The next day everything would be fine again. We sent each other kinky videos and I felt we getting somewhere. I went all over the place and even got my buddies involved looking for a specific shoe she wants while overseas on training. I got back to my country after training and did not have a place to stay, so I stayed by a friend for two months. All my stuff was in storage at the time. I eventually got a place and told my ex that she should stay by her aunt(they had a 1 room 1 kitchen and toilet flat), and we should take it slow to work through our problems. She decided to not do that and just move in with me. I was happy but also broken still. For a month is was ok-ish. I registered to continue studying part-time(after work) for my engineering diploma so I can provide a better life for me, my child and my to be wife. So the studying took a lot of my time. But I was home not out partying. I tried to do things different. I told my ex I love her more often but she replied “no you don’t, I don’t see it”. I called her at work twice and both times she asked me “why are you calling me? You never call me”. I felt worthless, helpless and hurt. But I acted as if everything was fine. I would have taken her to work the Saturday so can get up early to study, but she decided to leave home early to take a taxi(cab). The night we had a couple of drinks and then she only told me she was walking with a guy to work that told her he “still” love her! He told her this last year as well and she never told me. I told her I trust her and I don’t care about him. The next day we argued about it. She turned the story around, said the only reason I said I trust her is so that we don’t have to argue. Then came the silent treatment again, for about two weeks. We worked through that. We were ok again with the occasional breaking me down with words. This is the part that hurt the most… I started falling for her again. I told her I have not felt like this in years. I was happy just to see her, I don’t know where it came from. I almost think it was the first time I ever been in-love, I have loved before. WOW I know what in-love feels like, it’s amazing. Anyway the same week she woke up in a bad mood. She started a fight, I kept quiet and apologised for not cleaning the bath. I took out the garbage and was eating in the kitchen. She came in there shouting at me because I didn’t take out the HEAVY bags she said her dad will take with the truck. I threw the bread at her because she was looking for a fight and I had an exam the next day. In which I only had a couple of hours to study for that day since my Maths took all my time. That same day she had a work function on that I knew nothing about. So she came home 3 hours later than normal. We argued. And I had enough of her BS. I told her if she want to leave then she must go. Because by then she broke me down so much. She even told me that I will never get another gf. And she also said she will help me find a gf. So 3 weeks of silent treatment I thought I can try and talk things through. I was wrong. We made love that night. I dropped her off at work the next day. I waited for her to come from work but she went to her mom. She told me not to come there. I went and she, her mom and aunty was getting ready to come fetch her stuff. I tried pleading to not leave me. I was told “I’m done with you, I have F-ol left to say to you, leave”. I felt like a dog. She and her aunty told me what a terrible person I am. So like 7 weeks N/C felt like hell. My work fell behind. Breaking down crying, going in shiver while crying. Convinced myself that suicide was the only way out because I will not survive to see her with someone else. One night I was going to do it, just end it all, didn’t think of my child or anything else. I was drunk, and don’t know how I got home. I woke up in my bed confused. I went to my phycologist for help after I had another shivering episode that week. I had no self-confidence at all. My ex broke me down lower than the bloody dirt! But a friend introduced me to an awesome girl. We met last year during my breakup but have not said two. So me and her hung out on Friday. I took her home and there was this awkward moment. We stood infront of each other and like uhmmmm… I turned around and said good night…The next day she text me to say she didn’t know if she should hug me, I said I felt like kissing her but was scared she might smack me. We both had a laugh about it. Saturday we hung out again and things got intimate….very intimate….So WTF was my ex talking about me not being able to find another woman without her bloody help. Plus Sunday this beautiful-er and sexier woman and much more chilled and amazing and wonderful and and and … came and stayed over by my place with her child…OH ja she got a kid, and so do I. Her parents is so cool with me and her seeing each other. She also recently broke up with her baby daddy. I know you thinking “REBOUND”….HAHAHA. But we are in the same boat. And we make each other happy. The only problem is that she is 13 years younger than me….But leave me alone on that. I might have to post another heart break story about that. But allow me to be happy even for a short while. Or it might last, I don’t know and I don’t care. All I care about is we are both happy, and she don’t talk much so no more tantrums. Know there is always someone that will see the bad in you, Stick with people that see the good in you….
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