SycamoreCircle Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 Let's find axioms! Do you think that, almost universally, people who come from disruptive backgrounds which might include parental abuse and economically ravaged countries, systematically gravitate towards more apparently stable, nay RIGID modes and personalities? There's this barista at my local coffee shop that I've been casually character studying. I notice that she imposes on looser colleagues her own mild brand of order and methodology. Read: no fun. She also seems keen on this very attractive, but stiff English guy who came in. Today, I asked where she was from and she guardedly offered Greece. She reminds me a bit of a friend's ex-girlfriend who was Peruvian. Fiorella always seemed to be avaricious of culture. And from my own assessment, Peru is limiting. We seek to supplement what we are in absence of. We hate what is most like us. I use the word hate because I feel like on some very fundamental level I'm talking about pathological behavior.
Shepp Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 Wether its true for everyone who can say but my relationship has always certainly fit the bill! I had plenty of people tell me they found it hard to understand why me and the missus we were such good friends before we even started dating. I'm your easy going, laid back, pizza and a film (or preferably the footie ) guy. Whereas she's more spontaneous, adventurous, fiesty as hell, whirlwind. I come from a stable, close knit family, with lifelong friends. She didn't have that, she spent years moving around to then lose her mum at 13, and have numerous issues with a now estranged father. We was young teens, kids, when we met but she'd tell you then and now and almost from the get go she held of dating me cause I was quickly the most stable thing in her life and she didn't want to blow that. Even at 15 I was a steady guy, with a steady family and steady friends and a steady life, I've always been steady.. but see without her my world would be..a duller place - she's my firecracker, she turns up the heat and pushes me out of my comfort zone, she's he only person I've ever let do that! But at the same time who'd pick up the pieces and smooth out the ripples and deal with all the details if she didn't have me. She turns to me when all those grand ideas don't work out right. I've never seen her ask anyone but me for advice or help. It works because it works. I doubt it works like that for everyone, but it works for us! 1
Davey L Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 They say opposites attract. If you can find someone who's character complements your own, that is strong where you are weak and vice versa then as a couple you can be stronger and better than either of you are individually, and I feel that that is better than choosing someone similar to yourself, even though you may have less in common. It worked for me. I'm in a mixed race marriage, my wife and I are from different cultures and different countries. We are completely different personalities. It has its challenges but also it has its rewards.
Gloria25 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I hear what you're saying and I think that's why dating can be so difficult for me. I only date Caucasian guys. Now, while I have dated Hispanic, they are usually more "Caucasian" looking/acting. The thing is, IMO, I'm too "lively" for Caucasian guys - even though I'm a homebody and quite "melo", IMO. And yes, I think I seek out Caucasian guys cuz my dad was Black/Hispanic - and he was a womanizing, abusive jerk. I don't want all the drama that usually comes with ethnic guys - but at the same time the insecurities a Caucasian guy may have that he may not "measure up" gives me drama at the same flip of a coin. I wish they would just relax and enjoy me and stop worrying about the RL Also, a lot of ethnic woman/Caucasian guy RLs I see, seems like the black women seek out the white guy cuz they want someone they can control/manipulate/take advantage of...Then, they mess around with ethnic guys and get their fill of drama, sex, and/or whatever. But in my case, again, I just don't want the drama that comes with ethnic men - but I don't wanna give up my "spunk" and become booooring - like some Caucasian people. I also simply am not attracted Black and certain Hispanic guys. I haven't even kissed a Black guy ever - don't feel a thing for them.
preraph Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 If only it were universally so, we wouldn't have nearly as many criminals in the world. Unfortunately, most people model the behavior of their parents or primary role models and perpetuate the cycle because what they grow up with is not only what seems normal to them but, more importantly, what they were forced to develop the tools to deal with. So this is their set of tools to go into the world. Then a smaller percentage, I'll say maybe 20 percent, but that's just my estimate, not based on fact, rebels against it and works through it and resolves to overcome it and not pass it on. Those people are my heroes. 1
Recommended Posts