kendahke Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I didn't bother to read all of this. If the number of women he's been with bothers you that much, the break up with him. Nothing is going to spin the earth backwards to the moment his number surpassed yours, so either let it go or bounce. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 From my understanding, it also varies greatly on where you live. People who live in cities (such as my boyfriend in NYC) tend to have more partners. I read somewhere that San Francisco residents have an *average* of 30 partners. oh, please. there are plenty of hot tails in small towns. Where someone lives has nothing to do with how many people they choose to have sex with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Quick story: I waited until my wife to have sex. When we married, my wife says she had five partners before me. To me, at the time, that made her the biggest whore on earth. I treated her the same way you're treating your boyfriend. Couldn't get over it. Kept agonizing over it. Wondering how I compared to those other men. On and on. My insecurities got the best of me and played a big role in our divorce. My point is there are guys who could treat you the same way. Nine is not exactly chaste. Nor is nine much different from thirty. When I look back on it, I realize how silly and foolish I was. She married the next guy she met and has been with him for 20 years. It's safe to say I now have had many more sex partners than her. My perspective is much different. Even if she was my first and only, I now feel that I was still wrong. I can't tell you how to deal with it because I know the feelings are real and intense. However, if you can't change, it may be a good idea to let him go and free both of you from your judgment. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SilentiousBird Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 oh, please. there are plenty of hot tails in small towns. Where someone lives has nothing to do with how many people they choose to have sex with. Of course there are plenty of "hot tails" in small towns. I never said there wasn't. But bigger cities = more people in a congested area = more opportunities to hook up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SilentiousBird Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Quick story: I waited until my wife to have sex. When we married, my wife says she had five partners before me. To me, at the time, that made her the biggest whore on earth. I treated her the same way you're treating your boyfriend. Couldn't get over it. Kept agonizing over it. Wondering how I compared to those other men. On and on. My insecurities got the best of me and played a big role in our divorce. My point is there are guys who could treat you the same way. Nine is not exactly chaste. Nor is nine much different from thirty. When I look back on it, I realize how silly and foolish I was. She married the next guy she met and has been with him for 20 years. It's safe to say I now have had many more sex partners than her. My perspective is much different. Even if she was my first and only, I now feel that I was still wrong. I can't tell you how to deal with it because I know the feelings are real and intense. However, if you can't change, it may be a good idea to let him go and free both of you from your judgment. I can understand this. I'm pretty certain that if I break things off with my boyfriend, sure I can maybe find a guy with less partners, but that doesn't guarantee the guy will treat me well. STDs aside, I feel silly and wrong for letting this all bother me as much as it does. I think I'll regret destroying an otherwise great relationship over my insecurities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 This is one of my self-penned principles which I live by to great good effect: "I only give the best of myself to others. The less than best I work on in my own time." That means that I don't visit my issues on others. In this situation, this is your issue. Your boyfriend can't do anything about it, other than by being kind and loving, which it seems he is. If I were you, I would work on it alone, and not visit it upon your boyfriend. I'm not speaking about the STD here, because I see that as a separate issue. If you want to 'work on it in your own time,' you could arrange some single-issue counselling. Even 5 or 6 sessions might get you unstuck from this. You could also write about it in a journal, or look for other things you can do. You could also go away completely on your own for a short while to wrestle with the issue free from distraction. Even if the relationship ends, you've still got an issue that needs to be addressed. Work on it in your own time. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) Double post. Sorry Edited July 2, 2015 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I really wish that people would get the idea that raking through each others sexual past is not a good idea. The past is the past, but in some cases it can spoil the present. If the present is spoiled, the future is spoiled along with it. If the issue can't be resolved in the present, there is no future. The past is not just the past. It shapes who we are today and thus is always relevant. Certain things are deal breakers for people, and should be respected...rather than glossed over with the tired ole "the past is the past" saying. OP however, should have not compromised on what she really wanted in a mate for the beginning. I stick by what I said earlier. Bail on this guy, and go find someone of similar values, who you can be truly happy with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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