missfortune Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) About 1 week after dumping me, my ex went to a convention and met this pretty girl. They exchanged numbers and have been getting friendly ever since. As far as I know, they talk to each other almost daily, they've gone drinking together, they've had dinner together, and my ex has even done huge favours for her (i.e. driving her to places). Whenever I ask my ex about her, he gets really irritated and insists that it's platonic. But I'm suspicious that it's something more because A) He frequently lies about having been with her. B) He spends a lot of time with her. C) She is single and she has no idea that I even exist. She doesn't know anything about who I am. Do you guys think she's really "just a friend"? Or do you think my ex is interested in her? The reason I care about this is because I still want my ex back... And he knows I want him back. He says he still loves me, but he's not sure what he wants right now. So he may or may not want to get back together. :( P.S: I'm thinking of sending her a private message (without telling my ex) and just politely ask if there's something going on with her and my ex. Would this be a bad idea? Edited July 2, 2015 by missfortune
hunk Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 There is 100% something going on and your ex is 100% interested in having some sort of relationship with this woman. He is stringing you along because he has complete power over you and thus has zero respect for you or any desire to be with you in a romantic sense again. Your behavior has and is destroying any attraction he had for you and literally throwing him into the beds of any women he is interested in. As long as you are hanging around and he knows you want him back, he is essentially sapping you and using it to fuel his confidence and desire to be with other women because you are his go-to back up plan and emotional tampon if all else fails. Sending a message to this girl is completely pathetic and the absolute worst thing you could do, so don't even consider it. You know what to do. 3
54JA Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 I think it's a bad idea. The bottom line is, it is no longer your business. Although it's not that important, your ex will find out and pull back even more (which should not matter anyway). It's a lose lose situation because if you do find out that they are in fact more than friends, you will suffer (although it might really convince you to move on). If it turns out that she is just a friend, you will appear crazy and pathetic both to her and your ex.
Methodical Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 You are keeping an extremely close eye on what he does in order to know his business and the constant inquisition is kind of controlling and stalkerish. He's getting irritated bc you are no longer together, yet you continue to probe and badger him for information that's really none of your business. Yes, he is interested in this girl and I believe he is trying to let you down easily rather than being an a$$ and telling you to leave him alone. Continued meddling will bring out the ire in him and drive him farther away. So long as you hang around like a stray dog, he has a guaranteed backup plan. 2
Author missfortune Posted July 2, 2015 Author Posted July 2, 2015 You are keeping an extremely close eye on what he does in order to know his business and the constant inquisition is kind of controlling and stalkerish. He's getting irritated bc you are no longer together, yet you continue to probe and badger him for information that's really none of your business. Yes, he is interested in this girl and I believe he is trying to let you down easily rather than being an a$$ and telling you to leave him alone. Continued meddling will bring out the ire in him and drive him farther away. So long as you hang around like a stray dog, he has a guaranteed backup plan. OK thanks everyone for the responses. I agree that I'm acting somewhat "stalkerish". Let's say HYPOTHETICALLY that he comes back to me. At that point, do I have the right to tell him that I don't want him being friends with this girl anymore?
changeofseasons Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 OK thanks everyone for the responses. I agree that I'm acting somewhat "stalkerish". Let's say HYPOTHETICALLY that he comes back to me. At that point, do I have the right to tell him that I don't want him being friends with this girl anymore? I can tell by what you wrote you are too good for him, but the thing is is that you need to realize it. Don't settle for breadcrumbs, if he wants you he'll come back, but for now it doesn't look like it so please, make the most out of your time and focus on you right now.
erklat Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 About 1 week after dumping me, my ex went to a convention and met this pretty girl. They exchanged numbers and have been getting friendly ever since. As far as I know, they talk to each other almost daily, they've gone drinking together, they've had dinner together, and my ex has even done huge favours for her (i.e. driving her to places). Whenever I ask my ex about her, he gets really irritated and insists that it's platonic. But I'm suspicious that it's something more because A) He frequently lies about having been with her. B) He spends a lot of time with her. C) She is single and she has no idea that I even exist. She doesn't know anything about who I am. Do you guys think she's really "just a friend"? Or do you think my ex is interested in her? The reason I care about this is because I still want my ex back... And he knows I want him back. He says he still loves me, but he's not sure what he wants right now. So he may or may not want to get back together. :( P.S: I'm thinking of sending her a private message (without telling my ex) and just politely ask if there's something going on with her and my ex. Would this be a bad idea? He was getting friendly with her while you were still together too. There was emotional cheating too. He doesn't want to get together with you. He got gigs. That would be tragically bad idea. Like really really bad. She won't respond you and you will be psycho ex gf who can't move on. 2
Arieswoman Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 missfortune, Please get some self-respect and stop this silly behaviour. This guy has dumped you. Translation - he doesn't want you and now he's moving on with someone else. It's tough, but you hanging around waiting for crumbs isn't going to work, and it makes you look desperate. As others have said I bet you any money he was getting pally with her before he finished it with you. So he's someone who can't bear to me on his own. Do you really want such a sad, needy person in your life? Stop poking your nose in his affairs. His life is nothing to do with you any more, so leave him alone. Yes, I know it hurts, it hurts like stink but you making yourself into his fall-back plan won't get him to respect you, love you or want to be with you. I'm sorry, I really am x 1
wizer Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 I agree that I'm acting somewhat "stalkerish". Let's say HYPOTHETICALLY that he comes back to me. You don't have to worry about that, it's never going to happen.You aren't acting somewhat stalkerish you are acting very stalkerish. As in, you ARE stalking him. Find someone to talk to about this. Not your ex bf. Someone else.
FancyFace Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 Instead of dealing with the hypothetical, deal with the reality. The reality is that this man does not want to be with you and is actively pursing another woman whilst you sit by the sidelines, helpless and hopeful that when he gets bored with her that he will choose you. Old trusty faithful. Not a good look girl! People are honestly not that complicated, he told you in no uncertain terms that he does not want to be with you right now and the best thing you can do is absorb that information, let it really sink in. Once you do that, the only logical thing to do is to let it go and start the process of moving on. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 missfortune, Please get some self-respect and stop this silly behaviour. This guy has dumped you. Translation - he doesn't want you and now he's moving on with someone else. It's tough, but you hanging around waiting for crumbs isn't going to work, and it makes you look desperate. As others have said I bet you any money he was getting pally with her before he finished it with you. So he's someone who can't bear to me on his own. Do you really want such a sad, needy person in your life? Stop poking your nose in his affairs. His life is nothing to do with you any more, so leave him alone. Yes, I know it hurts, it hurts like stink but you making yourself into his fall-back plan won't get him to respect you, love you or want to be with you. I'm sorry, I really am x This ^^^ Sweetie, if you can't control yourself anymore than you're doing now, you should consider going and speaking to someone. If you were my ex that I just dumped and were acting like this, I'd be scared. You need to wrap your head around the fact that your R/S w/him is over. What he's doing is NONE of your business. I know it hurts being rejected but everyone has and survived it. You will too if you vanish from his life. Get mad at yourself and say no one is worth this kind of behavior. Seriously, VANISH from his life. Leave him alone. If he contacts you, ignore him. Heal from it, learn from it and move on. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 He met a new woman one week after he stopped dating you Whether she's a friend, a FWB, his new GF or his new therapist is none of your concern. That said, based only on what you describe, she is the woman he would like to date next. She is certainly not simply a platonic friend. My advice to you though is stop paying attention. Do not talk to him. Do not ask Qs about his life. Cut all social media. Instead concentrate on your future and what you are going to do next. You sending her a PM asking about her relationship with him would be obnoxious. He's not your BF anymore. Do not reach out for her. It makes you look like the deranged EX who can't let go.
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