Is it worth trying to get back together, or should we just try to be friends(Updated)

[kenmore]

"hiii so I don't mean to bother you again but if you don't mind i want to talk to you because I have some questions and some stuff that I kinda wanna figure out because I'm really confused and I also wanna hear what you've been thinking lately too.. if you don't wanna talk on the phone that's fine we can just text but if you do want to just let me know if/when you're available to talk :)"

 

William told us there are duplicate threads that may be confusing and this is no doubt one; but if you still need some help, please talk freely. Do be a little wary of those who wish to talk privately until you feel you know them.

 

You seem vulnerable to me and I don't want to see you get hurt. You are young and new here. Honestly, one reason they don't let new people private message is because it's too easy for them to get hurt. I don't want to tell you what to do, but I don't like the feel of this.

 

Take care Grace. You deserve better!

 

Ken

[contel3]

I don't think he will forget about you, but he will think about you less. Just like you will think about him less. Staying in contact is self-sabotage. The only situation where I find it useful to keep in contact is when talking to them reminds you why you don't want to be with them in the first place. It keeps you from putting them on a pedestal. Anything else than that is too painful.

[organizedchaos]

It depends on him. You're 16, though. So, I wouldn't worry if this one forgets you or not. You will meet a lot of people.

 

Stick with NC.

 

^This

 

It was a 4 month "relationship". You're 16! In time you will forget all about this. You will meet many more people who will be even better. Just move on and live your life.

[TaraMaiden2]

Nice new photo William, 007! LOL

 

Also, this deconfuses me a little.

 

William as Blofeld...?

 

Good grief now that IS kinda scary....

[d0nnivain]

Some people do have short memories so I suppose over time he may forget. Most people do remember fondly the person they dated as a teen.

 

NC is designed to help you heal from his absence. If you keep calling him or stalking his social media you will not get over him & you will not be able to move on to a new BF

[Chi townD]

To the OP. You're looking for a closure meeting. Why? So, you can give him an opportunity to tell you what YOU did wrong? What YOU did to cause the demise of the relationship and take very little to no blame himself? Why bother?

 

 

Oh, and you are not friends with him. I'm pretty sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with him for the ultimate goal being that you are nothing more than just a really good friend to him. Can you be friends in time? Sure. But, only after you've started NC so you can heal and make positive changes in your life. Once you get to a feeling of indifference towards your Ex, then you can entertain the idea of a friendship. But, not if you still harbor any romantic feeling for your Ex.

[d0nnivain]

Do not send the text. Texts should be short. Yours are wordy & they ramble.

 

Also the line about needing to talk but being OK talking via text really grated on my nerves. Never ever try to have an emotional conversation electronically. Emotions are best expressed in person. Voice on the phone or skype is an OK substitute but text, FB, social media in general, email etc. are huge No Nos.

 

Also understand something. When during a break up somebody says they want to be friends, they don't mean it. They are lying to you. those are empty meaningless words people say in a break up to soothe themselves & to show they are not heartless jerks. You cannot be "just friends" with an EX especially when you want more. You will only end up getting hurt. Do you really want a front row seat to his next relationship? Do you expect him to talk to you about how to win her over?

[StrangerThanFiction]

By sticking with NC he'll either realize that he misses you and wants to be with you or he'll move on. By breaking NC and reaching out to this guy who broke up with you he'll realize he can still have you as his safety net without making any effort at all.

[changeofseasons]

I know it's painful, but trust me a few years from now you're going to look back and be like "psh no biggie" It may not even be that long, stop worrying about him getting over it and start worrying about what your needs are.

 

Being a teenage boy does make a huge difference, i'd say he didnt call you because of lack of maturity but now to think of it i've had 30 year old men do that to me so Just stick to NC.

[e.grace]

My ex and I are both 16 and he broke up with me 6 days ago. I was devastated initially but gave myself time to think and the last time I talked to him was the day we broke up (6 days ago). I had asked him to call me the next day but he read my message and didn't respond, and I've been no contact since then but I'm really thinking of reaching out to him tomorrow.

 

I've probably done the equivalent of a month's thinking since the breakup as I haven't really been sleeping, and I've come to a conclusion: I want to try to get back together with him. No, this isn't because I feel desperate or lonely, I have legitimate reasons. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but in my eyes, it was great. The four months we were together we didn't fight once, and I've never clicked with past boyfriends the way I click with this guy. He's way more understanding and caring than almost all the guys I know who are my age. He made me a better person, and I don't want to say that he was the only thing made me happy because he isn't, but he definitely added to my happiness a lot. And just about a day before the breakup, he told me that I made him so happy as well. The only problem is that we're long distance (2 hours, which is a lot for 16 year olds) but he lives near my beach house and I'm going to be up there this summer a lot.

 

When I asked him to honestly tell me the reason for the breakup he told me that it was solely the distance and that he didn't want me to "waste my summer on him", as he felt like he was holding me back because we hadn't been as frequently in contact for two weeks because he had been busy with friends/exams. Now I don't know if that's honestly the truth, but I'd like to think it is because he's a very honest person. He never mentioned any loss of feelings. After we broke up he texted me a few hours later and asked if we could be friends, and that if I didn't want to, he understood. I'm probably going to text him tomorrow night (I've given him a week of space) and ask if we can talk because we never talked anything over really.

 

I understand that he may not respond in the way I hope he does, and if that happens, I'll just need to get over him- I respect his decision, whether it's to not get back together, to just be friends, or to cut off contact completely. Whatever he tells me he wants tomorrow is final, so that means if he has no interest in getting back together, I'm going to give it up. But if he did say he still wants to be friends I'd be really happy because he's great. But I'm not going to give up this easily. I'm not going to beg (any guy I have to beg or even politely ask to be with me isn't worth it), nor am I even going to bring up the idea of getting back together, but if he happens to mention it, do you think it's worth it?

 

I'll be near him a lot this summer and I've realized that if we were to get back together, I would have to understand that he's busy with friends and doesn't use his phone as much as I do therefore we won't be in contact 24/7. I know a lot of people may not take this seriously as we're 16 and it probably just sounds like puppy love, and that's fine, but I'll appreciate any advice!

Edited July 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Adding paragraphs and merging multiple threads on the same topic

[d0nnivain]

No matter how many times you ask the same Q, the answer is not going to change.

 

You can't be friends with an EX. He doesn't really want to be friends. It's just something people say.

 

Let it go already.

[dumbass2]

Getting back is not up to you. He knows you didn't want to break up, so he knows what you want. He broke up with you. He no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. It's only been days. You should back away from contact now and give this some time. You can't force something that he doesn't want and you will push him away right now.

[pidgeon1010]

Revising the question a little and re-posting is not going to change the answer. He broke up with you. He needs to make the attempt to reconcile. You already asked him to call and he didn't respond. You are obviously not going to listen to the advice that has been posted on here by several different people, so do what you seemed inclined to do (i.e. send another message which is tantamount to begging btw) and see how it pans out.

I want to try to get back together with him.

 

See the pronoun you used "I want to try..."? "HE" needs to try because he broke up with you. If he wants you back, he will reach out to you. His silence means he wants to be left alone. He has told you he doesn't want to do long distance. You should try and move on.

 

People break up for different reasons: people who love each other break up, people who had a good relationship break up. In your case, he doesn't want to do long distance which trumps everything else. You have to try and understand that. He may still have feelings for you but at this point in time, the long distance unfortunately outweighs those feelings.

[William]

Merged two threads on a similar topic; there may be some duplication. Thanks!

 

I did a further review and found more content on the same topic and merged it all here. If there's anything confusing, simply ask the thread starter for clarification. They appear to be young so we've been lenient but, for now, expect their postings to be delayed. Our rules are rules for a reason and we value the time and energy members put into responses. Thanks and please continue!

[e.grace]

My boyfriend broke up with me last week and yesterday I finally got closure, but it hurt even more because I found out that the relationship wasn't nearly as important to him as it was to me. Anyways, since then, I've been feeling really really nauseous (I can't even eat) and I can't sleep. Is this normal?