Friendship w/ ex doesn't mix (insight about dumper in the eyes of a dumpee)

[Angeleyez2583]

So this is the conclusion I've come to. You can not be friends with your ex. The person who did the dumping usually has some misconception that "I broke up with her/him so everytime they might try and contact me, they want me back." No matter what it has to do with, I honestly think they have some kind of ego about it.

 

If they're @$$holes, they will try and play mind games. Oh so and so is calling me, so I can either A) have them on the back burner if I need sex/or can't find someone else B) play some kind of sick twisted mind game and play with their heart.

 

 

Then there's the nice dumpers... Those people also have egos, but don't want to hurt the people they dumped anymore. they feel that if they call their exs back, it will lead them on.

 

Some of them feel, because of past relationships, they dumpee is going to spend months, maybe even years crying their eyes out over them. (this is my ex I think). They have some misconception all we do is think about them every waking moment of the day and that if they ever want us back, all they gotta call us up and we'll come running.

 

I think all that dumpers think about (not all but most) how the dumpee is trying everything in their power to get them back.

 

Basically exs suck. If they broke up with you, screw them. They lost YOU. You are wonderful, amazing and GREAT!!!!!! NC is good because it shows them how you have moved on with your life. They are expecting you to beg them back, but no. Be the STRONGER person. Don't give into their mind games.

 

You're finally single. Being single is wonderful. There are so many other people out there so much better then ur dumb ex. Don't ever settle either! Find yourself again. You know the stuff you did your ex hated. You either had to give it up or compromise. Well now you can do it. You can do it all the time and not have to worry about what ur ex is going to think. You are free. You can do whatever the heck you want to!

 

Remember, if it was love. They will call, and if they call, don't answer. Call back a few days later and act like you're busy. (Nothing makes an ex more crazy then if you go and act like you have moved on with your life.) Also, if they want you back, they will do anything in their power to get you back. Do not question false motivates (mind games). If they call you up wanting you back, you better be making them work.

 

They have to show you that what they did was a HUGE mistake and that they will NEVER ever do it again. Once they prove that to you, then maybe you'll think about giving them another chance.

 

That is, if you want them back at that point.

[dgiirl]

Originally posted by Angeleyez2583

You know the stuff you did your ex hated. You either had to give it up or compromise. Well now you can do it. You can do it all the time and not have to worry about what ur ex is going to think. You are free. You can do whatever the heck you want to!

 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Now I get to have a dog or a cat once mine passes away!!! W00t

[Marshbear]

I agree with everything you said...

[Lilly]

Well I dumped him the first time around and months later he came crawling back and I let him right back into my life...MISTAKE. We then proceeded to date on and off - same problems were still there - and then I dumped him again - but this time I suddenly changed my mind and a few weeks later contacted him to work things out.

 

What happened? He treated me like ****. I took him back when I was almost over him and had just about closed the book on him - but then I let him waltz right back in. Then he screwed up again and I got mad - then I stupidly turned around to try and make up - he's being a royal ***hole to me!

 

That's what I get for taking him back the first time. Sometimes I think I'm the dumbest person in the world when it comes to love. I don't learn the first time so I go back for seconds and thirds of abuse.

 

Now that I went back he's being a jerk. I'm so fed up and hate myself for going back to him because this little bit of power has totally swelled his head to gigantic proportions and he's telling everyone I've come crawling back (his mom and sisters).

 

I don't want him anymore - he's a loser.

[Angeleyez2583]

did u dump him because he was an @$$hole the first time? why did u break up with him? I honestly think he's very hostile from you breaking up with him, and is taking out his aggression on you. It is bull and not fair. And ur right. He is a loser. Kick him to the curb!

 

Another addition to my post:

 

Sometimes the dumper feels that there were certain issues wrong with the relationship. Such as he/she cheated, was mean, abuser, had a mental problem etc etc. Those are the people most likely to believe (in most cases, not all), the dumpee may have changed. Most of the time, the dumpee doesn't change however.

 

Those relationships are very unhealthy, and are GOOD reasons to dump someone (especially the abused/ mentally abused part).

 

However, sad to say, the dumper sometimes has a lot more control in that situation because we all know the line "i'm so sorry, I love you, it will NEVER happen again" When you hear something over and over and over again (and abused people are very very weak, once again not everyone) they may start to believe it. My motto is this.. Once a cheater, always a cheater.