loveweary11 Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 There is SO much wrong in this statement lol. 40 yo should go play with women their age. There is something extremely dysfunctional in a man of 40 seeking the attention of 20 yo. Probably emotional immaturity that 40 yo women can smell from a mile away and won't deal with. No there isn't. She has a shell of shyness and quietness up because she's nervous, most likely. He needs to make her feel comfortable so she can open up. How,exactly, is that wrong? Please explain to me why someone should not put effort in to helping the person they are seeing open up and be more comfortable... I'm all ears.., or eyes as it were. Or.. are you just being prejudiced and an ageist? 1
elaine567 Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 What in the world do you want to be talking about after you went over music and movies? She doesn't open up because she has nothing to open up about. She is a blank canvas!! She is barely starting life, she has no stories, life experience, wisdom to share with you and she knows it. She also knows each time she opens her mouth she risks saying something stupid like NY is your Capital and chocolate milk comes from brown cows. I think you make good points, her own stories and life experiences she will think are mainly not for the ears of a 40 yo man, a man who may see them as immature and silly. She will be heavily filtering her output and that leaves very little else to speak about. She may not even want to go there with conventionally safe subjects like music and movies either, else she shows her naivete and her lack of 40 years of knowledge. 1
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Posted July 1, 2015 No there isn't. She has a shell of shyness and quietness up because she's nervous, most likely. He needs to make her feel comfortable so she can open up. How,exactly, is that wrong? Please explain to me why someone should not put effort in to helping the person they are seeing open up and be more comfortable... I'm all ears.., or eyes as it were. Or.. are you just being prejudiced and an ageist? Are you, or have you, been involved with an age gap relationship too?? She does open up, normally after a few beverages
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Or.. are you just being prejudiced and an ageist? There is a difference between dating younger and dating barely out of the crib. At 40 he has 20 years ahead of her. He lived his life and made his mistakes and now he's cruising his life with his baggage and preconceived ideas. She doesn't have any baggage or experience. She deserves to discover life, love, and make her mistakes with a man around her age, someone at her level of maturity. Not with some dude that has seen it all and is probably so jaded women his age won't give him attention. If she were 30 and had lived a little and he was 50 I'd say sure what ever rocks your boat.
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 She does open up, normally after a few beverages Fell off my chair....................
loveweary11 Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Are you, or have you, been involved with an age gap relationship too?? She does open up, normally after a few beverages Non stop. Not so much a relationship as a ton of girls in that age group that circle around, hook up, then come back. I'm the "cool older guy" in the millennial hook up culture apparently. None sure if I'm relationship material, but all interested in fun/sex. It's an odd role to be in. And I'm certain you just need to help her become as relaxed around you as she is around her friends. 1
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Posted July 1, 2015 There is a difference between dating younger and dating barely out of the crib. At 40 he has 20 years ahead of her. He lived his life and made his mistakes and now he's cruising his life with his baggage and preconceived ideas. She doesn't have any baggage or experience. She deserves to discover life, love, and make her mistakes with a man around her age, someone at her level of maturity. Not with some dude that has seen it all and is probably so jaded women his age won't give him attention. If she were 30 and had lived a little and he was 50 I'd say sure what ever rocks your boat. Ok, let me step in. Firstly, there is 18 years age gap not 20. I have not made any mistakes, and by baggage I presume you mean children right? If so, there is no children involved. I have ideas yes, but you don't know what ideas this young woman has either? So basically what you are saying is that a 22 year old MUST date another 22 year old! Why? If I am 40, and she is 22 why can I not share some life experiences with this girl so when I am 50 and she is 32 we can look back with fond memories? Anyway, this is going off the topic
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Posted July 1, 2015 Non stop. Not so much a relationship as a ton of girls in that age group that circle around, hook up, then come back. I'm the "cool older guy" in the millennial hook up culture apparently. None sure if I'm relationship material, but all interested in fun/sex. It's an odd role to be in. And I'm certain you just need to help her become as relaxed around you as she is around her friends. Good man....... I'm looking forward to the vacation and knowing more about her, and cracking this shell
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Ok, let me step in. Firstly, there is 18 years age gap not 20. I have not made any mistakes, and by baggage I presume you mean children right? If so, there is no children involved. I have ideas yes, but you don't know what ideas this young woman has either? So basically what you are saying is that a 22 year old MUST date another 22 year old! Why? If I am 40, and she is 22 why can I not share some life experiences with this girl so when I am 50 and she is 32 we can look back with fond memories? Anyway, this is going off the topic When I said baggage I did not mean children, actually if you were a parent I doubt you would be chasing 22 yo and you'd see my point. By baggages I meant you have had a chance to experience your youth and make all the bad decisions we usually make at a young age.
Redhead14 Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Ok, let me step in. Firstly, there is 18 years age gap not 20. I have not made any mistakes, and by baggage I presume you mean children right? If so, there is no children involved. I have ideas yes, but you don't know what ideas this young woman has either? So basically what you are saying is that a 22 year old MUST date another 22 year old! Why? If I am 40, and she is 22 why can I not share some life experiences with this girl so when I am 50 and she is 32 we can look back with fond memories? Anyway, this is going off the topic Sure, older men can date younger women who are at least more mature for their age. But if the maturity level isn't at least a little beyond their years, the older man basically becomes a father figure. If the young woman is mature beyond her years and strong and established and confident, which this girl doesn't appear to be, sure, it could work. I in fact, would encourage a young woman to date a man at least a couple of years older than they are when they are 20 to 23-25. No offense to young men, but girls do mature more quickly than men and so a 22 year old guy is actually mentally/emotionally a little behind her anyway.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 A 40 year old man dating a 22 year old creeps me out
SmartDude Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 Meh, my veiw of younger women would take an essay to write, Not going to do it. I am early 40's and for some damn reason always seem to attract the mid 20's woman. Yea the younger ones will be shy and on top of that probably a bit judgmental as well. In my opinion it is just a different kind of relationship. It's not for the long term but that does not mean that it is any less. With a close to 20 year age gap you can either help her or harm her. The choice is up to you. LTR is not likley, so you just enjoy the time you have with her. You can still love her, it is just not going to be a permanent situation...Be ok with that or you are going to suffer. It might "work" and you could be married for decades but maybee not hehe. But yea she is going to be quiet until you open her heart. After that she won't shut up. But to a man of 40 this constant dialouge is like listening to birds chirping in the forest. No problem at all...
Author SSM3 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 A 40 year old man dating a 22 year old creeps me out Would a 27 y/o female and 45 y/o male creep you out??
Author SSM3 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Meh, my veiw of younger women would take an essay to write, Not going to do it. I am early 40's and for some damn reason always seem to attract the mid 20's woman. Yea the younger ones will be shy and on top of that probably a bit judgmental as well. In my opinion it is just a different kind of relationship. It's not for the long term but that does not mean that it is any less. With a close to 20 year age gap you can either help her or harm her. The choice is up to you. LTR is not likley, so you just enjoy the time you have with her. You can still love her, it is just not going to be a permanent situation...Be ok with that or you are going to suffer. It might "work" and you could be married for decades but maybee not hehe. But yea she is going to be quiet until you open her heart. After that she won't shut up. But to a man of 40 this constant dialouge is like listening to birds chirping in the forest. No problem at all... Well, got back from holiday this morning and it went better than I thought I have to say. The first couple-few days were challenging but after that we just relaxed around each other and it was ok. She did open up, but only slightly, as she is a very protective person. We spoke about this and she admitted that she is frightened of getting hurt, as previous relationships have not ended well. She knows that I won't hurt her but she is playing her cards close to her chest. We are still dating, however, I have noticed a change with her though. I think she is possibly playing hard to get or testing me to see how much I actually like her. Ah....mind games
smackie9 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 She's 20.....of course there is insecurity and mind games..... If she was 30 and you 50 then things would be different.....maturity/experience.....she doesn't have enough of it. Good luck and keep us updated. 1
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