Why do I need so much more

[amkxoxo]

So I dated this guy years ago and I was very into him. I constantly wanted more and more so fast and he just couldn't do it. I've dated other men since then and I am content and I know where we stand and it naturally progresses. I feel like I don't have to push so much with them and I am happy.

 

Now that same first guy is back and we have reconnected after two years. We hungout last night at his place and were drinking, eating, talking etc... all night long. We ended up cuddling in his bed and I expressed my need for more. I was honest with him but at the same time I think I am again wanting more and more from him so quickly. I feel bad because I think I scared him a bit. He says he cares about me and says I'm perfect, so I guess I get confused about why he doesn't move us faster into a relationship. I realize I need to sit back, relax, and just let it naturally progress with us if it will. I don't want to scare him away. I want us to move in a good direction naturally without the pressure I put into it.

 

I don't understand why I do this with him and him only. I need to learn how to stop it. Help!!!

[TheBathWater]

So I dated this guy years ago and I was very into him. I constantly wanted more and more so fast and he just couldn't do it. I've dated other men since then and I am content and I know where we stand and it naturally progresses. I feel like I don't have to push so much with them and I am happy.

 

Now that same first guy is back and we have reconnected after two years. We hungout last night at his place and were drinking, eating, talking etc... all night long. We ended up cuddling in his bed and I expressed my need for more. I was honest with him but at the same time I think I am again wanting more and more from him so quickly. I feel bad because I think I scared him a bit. He says he cares about me and says I'm perfect, so I guess I get confused about why he doesn't move us faster into a relationship. I realize I need to sit back, relax, and just let it naturally progress with us if it will. I don't want to scare him away. I want us to move in a good direction naturally without the pressure I put into it.

 

I don't understand why I do this with him and him only. I need to learn how to stop it. Help!!!

 

You cannot manipulate your own feelings into becoming someone or something else. A better approach might be coming to terms with the fact that you're going to feel the way you feel, and not having to act out on it in ways that might be counterproductive to your ultimate goal of the relationship budding. People have different needs and move at different speeds. Totally normal, totally fine. As long as one person is not demanding of the other so early on, I think it can work out. So, accept that you have these feelings, and yet see if you can tolerate some of the ambiguity of the early relationship phase until he reciprocates. If he is into you as much as it seems like he is, he will catch up to you eventually.

 

Good luck. Let us know how it works out.

[amkxoxo]

Thank you for your response. Its like when I am with him everything else goes away. But I realize that I can't be like that. I have so many important permanent things in my life to focus on that putting everything into something so uncertain will probably end in heartache for me again. I feel like I do not want to scare him away and that because I already said some things that he may already feel some pressure. I don't want to do anything wrong and I don't want to scare him away. I wasn't planning on talking to him today since he was at work. He texted me from work to say "I hope your not upset with me"

 

I was confused and asked him what he was talking about. He said that " A lot of stuff happened and was said last night."

 

I replied that " I know and I was a willing participant in it too. I like knowing whats going to happen and planning ahead. It is just the way I am. I did not expect us to end up so close as we did last night so I am still thinking about it myself. I'm not sure where you want to go from here. I am trying to not jump too far ahead and just take things step by step. "

 

I think I wasn't too clingy with that response. I was straightforward.

 

We kissed last night and I gave him a few hickeys on his neck. I kept apologizing and I feel so bad because today he covered them up with makeup and they were barely visible. Apparently during his day at work some of the makeup came off and he got written up for it. He texted me telling me so. I felt so bad. I apologized even more and kept telling him I was sorry and I would never do it again.

 

He said it was fine and that they weren't angry at him at work at all, it was just standard procedure. I still feel bad but at this point I can't keep apologizing. I stated my peace. He is trying to get a better position at work too, and I don't want this to hinder his chances. I didn't even realize I made so many marks on him until this morning. I wasn't thinking. He wasn't telling me to stop either.

 

I am not sure what my next steps should be. Maybe not reach out to him for a while until he reaches out to me?

 

I feel like I am already coming up with all of these thoughts and strategies when it comes to him and we only spent one night together since our two year stint of no contact. When I like someone I want to spend so much time with them and I get a high off of being with them. But with this guy he goes about things different than the average man.