yxalitis Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 This new girl I'm dating, who has now asked to be exclusive, has one thing that I want to ask about here. Around half of her conversations with me centre on various past relationships. This one very rich guy who bought her a Mercedes, who she lived with for two years, but broke up with because...well, actually, I never quite worked that one out...apparently we wasn't romantic enough... This other guy who taught her all about sex, made her squirt, opened her up to all sorts of new things in bed. Her husband from any years ago, to whom she has a 20-year-old daughter (Who drives that Merc...), whom she left after 8 years. Another guy who has my name, who she never had sex with, but "gave him oral" when he nagged her about it. Some other rich business man who "was just a playboy" (She had a photo of him, and yes, he really is the head of a large Australian company) Other various short and long term relationships... And funniest of all, the SAME guy who used to date my first Chinese gf two years ago, and over whom I broke up with her. Seems a tad over the top to you?
changeofseasons Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 lol oh man if i were her i would never say any of that stuff, most guys would automatically think: hoe. if past relationships come up often, its not a good sign. She either has issues she needs to work through or shes telling you all this stuff so you can "do better" than past dudes in her life. 1
awooga Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 I'd probably grow tired of it if she kept doing it as it would make me think they maybe weren't totally over the ex otherwise why keep bringing them up? I'd actually tell her as maybe she's just not aware of how often she's doing it and say it's bothering you a bit and see what her reaction is maybe she will take note and not do it so much!
TheBathWater Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Oh God, I dated a woman like this not long ago. I liked her a lot otherwise, but this part of her personality drove me nuts. I think it represents either a form of self-aggrandizement to fill a self-esteem void and/or unresolved past issues. A person who knows they are attractive, worth it, and is ready for love, will NOT demonstrate this kind of behavior. It is normal at some point to disclose aspects of past relationships that are relevant to either your relationship now (e.g. a past trauma being triggered) or that give you a better sense of who she is as a person (e.g. a life lesson she learned from her marriage). But when this stuff comes up as frequently as you mentioned, or too early in the budding relationship phase, it is a serious red flag in my eyes. I hope every woman reading this who currently does this takes note. There is no quicker way to turn a man off than this kind of behavior. 1
Gary S Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 There is no sense staying with a woman you really don't like. 1
phineas Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Thats annoying. Ask her why she thinks you want to hear about her ex's? she will either stop or dump you. Either way it's a win/win in my book 2
TheBathWater Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Thats annoying. Ask her why she thinks you want to hear about her ex's? she will either stop or dump you. Either way it's a win/win in my book I agree. Call her out on her behavior.
Author yxalitis Posted July 1, 2015 Author Posted July 1, 2015 Well, it's more complex than that, she asked to "go steady" (be exclusive) but I don't see this girl as a long-term thing...this aspect is the only truly annoying thing she does, otherwise it's just fine... But, I do have to let her go, my friends say be direct... But..how?
TheBathWater Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Well, it's more complex than that, she asked to "go steady" (be exclusive) but I don't see this girl as a long-term thing...this aspect is the only truly annoying thing she does, otherwise it's just fine... But, I do have to let her go, my friends say be direct... But..how? Exactly how you are saying it here. If I were you, I'd straight up say something like, "you know, there's a lot of things I like about you so far, but one thing I've noticed that rubs me the wrong way is...." and see how she responds. If she apologizes and says she didn't realize this, see if you can work past it together. If she gets defensive, shuts you down, or anything else similar, that's your exit cue. Welcome. You will now join the ranks of those she whines about. She sounds like a Taylor Swift song.
Raena Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Be direct and polite about it... Next time she brings up an ex, politely tell her that you don't wish to hear about her ex relationships any further that you'd rather be in the here and now with her.
mightycpa Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 There is no sense staying with a woman you really don't like.tell that to the guy who nagged her for oral. 1
Arieswoman Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 yxalitis, Maybe it's because I'm a Brit or maybe I'm just a BOF but I think this is really trashy behaviour from a female. ( I say female because IMO she isn't a lady) There are some things that ladies keep to themselves until the time is appropriate. Talking about other guys half the time is just downright bad manners, so tell her to put a sock in it. I would also think really hard if you really want to continue with this realtionship. But bear in mind if you dump her she could well be talking about you next.
elaine567 Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 I thought YOU were still heart broken over YOUR ex.
PrettyEmily77 Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 I thought YOU were still heart broken over YOUR ex. Yeah, this had me confused too. Weren't you about to let her go and get back with your ex? Maybe she felt threatened (she was right, going by your own thread here alone) and wanted to give you a taste of your medicine? Also, accepting to be exclusive with a girl you have no intention of staying with long-term is just not classy, man...Let her go already, and don't try to find an excuse to do that because of anything she says or does. Man up and tell her you don't see things working out long-term because you're still hung up on your ex - you know, give her a genuine reason as opposed to an excuse...
kendahke Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Give her a bill for $120 every time she mentions one. If she asks you why your'e doing that, tell her it's the going rate for therapists. 2
Author yxalitis Posted July 1, 2015 Author Posted July 1, 2015 Yeah, this had me confused too. Weren't you about to let her go and get back with your ex? Maybe she felt threatened (she was right, going by your own thread here alone) and wanted to give you a taste of your medicine? Also, accepting to be exclusive with a girl you have no intention of staying with long-term is just not classy, man...Let her go already, and don't try to find an excuse to do that because of anything she says or does. Man up and tell her you don't see things working out long-term because you're still hung up on your ex - you know, give her a genuine reason as opposed to an excuse... I'm going to do exactly that tonight, don't worry, but when you're lying next to someone and they pop the "Let's not see anyone else" statement...well, for me at least it's very hard to say something like: "Gee, can I think about that?" But, yeah, time to move on...
Author yxalitis Posted July 2, 2015 Author Posted July 2, 2015 Merging threads: updated: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/535506-now-she-wants-go-exclusive-wah
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