Hyperfocal Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 So I go on my first date in 15 years last night, we are both mid 30's. Prior to the date, the lady is very kind, texting, and messaging about every 12 hours for 2 days with me. I walk up to her at the restaurant, the greet is standard fare. We talk for just under 3 hours, then get going. She goes ahead and pays, insisting! I interpret that to be a disconnect tactic, but she does this 3 minutes after shoring up the details of a boating venture with me next week. During the conversations, I was very comfortable, we connected perfectly at an intellectual level which was a surprise for both. At a romantic level, hmm, I don't know, she is beautiful, bright, kind, but so sister-like. Doesn't raise my pulse any. Perhaps my lack of nervousness and candid display turned her on. Why did she pay? I deliberately showed up in my old little cheap car that is well kept; but she knows my career, so I can't play poor too long, maybe that was it. Or, I had to drive West, then back East from work to same city to shower and meet; she may have felt bad about my hour of extra driving? She ends date by us walking to her car and chatting about it (nothing braggy or tacky, but she wanted me at her car, i.e. not just a disconnect and run type of ending). Ended with a hug. That evening I emailed her 3 sentences of kind affirmation, status quo, she has not replied. She has not logged onto Match in 2 days. Her writing is very eloquent, feminine, and bubbly, her person is more intellectual yet kind, a bit less femininity there. I am curious about her real personality? We both share the same intj personality type by the charts, really unusual. She did ask some questions about my divorce and hour into it, I know that is odd, but I am comfortable with all of it. One of her questions was if my divorce was final; I guess she runs into some married's, that is ok. I guess I am boating with her on Monday, perhaps send another message on Sat to confirm? I am conflicted by her: kind, bright, beautiful, knowledgeable, yet I don't know if she is part robot, certainly lacking the bimbo chromosome (and that may be best!). I guess what I am asking: is she into me or not?
Popsicle Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Yeah, you don't really know about someone until you get to know them in person. Don't put too much stock in what they write. Consider it an unknown until you get to know them in person.
awooga Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 It's very easy to be anyone you want to be online. You may think from the way they message you that they are confident, outgoing etc but in reality they could be the most shy, quiet person going. I wouldn't be too bothered if she hasn't logged on it's not like she logged on and so you know saw your message and hasn't replied. Maybe like you said send a message to confirm the date as she know's when it's been arranged and see what she does.
yxalitis Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 I think you're putting far too much pressure on the first date! Too many people think that the love of their life will be apparent the instant they see them, it's not true. Yes, there is often that moment when you see them across the crowded room, and your heart jumps, but more often you build a feeling for them as you get to know them...and that's more likely to last then a purely physical reaction to their appearance.
Author Hyperfocal Posted July 1, 2015 Author Posted July 1, 2015 Yes, there is often that moment when you see them across the crowded room, and your heart jumps, but more often you build a feeling for them as you get to know them...and that's more likely to last then a purely physical reaction to their appearance. Thanks, I agree with that, and I admit that I knowingly had a slight form of that expectation of reckoning the next 40 years in 40 seconds, yep, need to contain it! Your statement aligns with why I am trying to carefully invest in my relationship(s) to come. Any ideas on why she insisted on paying while detailing a trip with me the next monday, and then has not messaged?!? My message out that evening was on Match's communicator rather than email/txt, perhaps that is it.
Gary S Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Why did she pay? - it could be an attempt to show she's not a goldigger, or because she does not like you and does not want to feel obligated to you, or because she is a nice girl. In other words, you just don't know at this point, lol Just see if she goes through with the second date. You don't have a relationship for two months. Anything can happen up until that point.
Author Hyperfocal Posted July 1, 2015 Author Posted July 1, 2015 Thanks Gary, She must be on this forum, j.k. She just messaged now, a positive note indicating that there was a match.com error whereby her effort to send one yesterday had failed... I am new to all of this, collective wisdom helps, thanks.
angel.eyes Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 You've already been on a date. There is absolutely no reason to still be using Match to communicate with her. Text or, better yet, call her on her phone. Any interpretation for why she insisted on paying will be pure speculation. Only she knows for certain why she did this, and it would be tacky to quiz her about it. Assuming you thanked her on the date when it happened, let it go, and focus instead on planning a great second date. I love boating and anything on the water. I'll sure you'll have a great time!
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