First Breakup... hope?

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

I'm an 18 year old boy who just graduated high school. Last year I met this girl, and immediately we had chemistry. I had never had a girlfriend before, and she was somewhat shy, so it took around 6 months of flirting before I asked her out in April. For the first 10 months of our relationship, we were inseparable. I told her I loved her on the train only 3 weeks into our relationship, and she said it back. We would text every minute. We would hang out nearly every day, and almost always on both weekend days. In January, she even said to me that she could imagine us spending our lives together. It was absolutely the happiest time of my entire life. For our 6 month anniversary, I bought her a Tiffany's necklace, and she absolutely loved it. Everything was perfect. Admittedly, we did start neglecting our friends a little bit. Around 10 months into the relationship, she told me she thought we should start to see each other less because she wanted to spend more time with friends. When she said this, I freaked out slightly, as I thought it was the beginning of the end of her feelings of love for me. However, things were still going well until early May of this year, so while I was insecure and she knew it, our relationship did not seem threatened by it.

 

While we were hanging out one day in early May, she was being slightly cold and distant and told me that for around a week she hadn't loved me as much as she did before. Still, she wanted to stay together as she just thought it was a phase. The next month was emotional hell for me. She started saying things that were progressively more and more hurtful, like "everything you say annoys me" and "I would rather hang out with friends than you every single time." Once, in the car, she even said "I had fun with you this morning, but I would have had more fun with my friends." Over the course of the month, she broke up with me and then called me a few hours later crying and begging me to come back. We had two or three arguments a week that always ended in tears and promises to make it work. Finally, after graduation, around three weeks ago, she said she was almost certain she didn't want a boyfriend and asked to take a break to think it out. However, just two days into the break, she texted me and told me that she was certain she wanted me in her life and certain that she loved me. Four days after we got back together, she broke up with me saying she was already reverting back to her feelings from before the break, where she wanted to spend more time with friends than me. Four days after this breakup, however, she got back together with me saying she was being stupid as she can't decide what she wants and knows its hurting me, but she's decided that she wants to be with me and loves me more than anything

 

Now, as a couple, we had decided last october that we both wanted to continue the relationship in college despite the overwhelming odds against us as both of us were confident in our love for each other. It ended up that our colleges are just 15 miles away from each other, so it would not be terribly difficult to make it work while also pursuing personal growth.

 

A few days after she got back together with me, she told me that she no longer wanted to be a couple in college and instead just wanted to be together this summer and stay in contact during college, but not as a couple. This was crushing to me. Throughout the entire month of fighting and turmoil, I loved her as much as I always have, and I did everything I could to make it work. I told her that I didn't know if I could be in a relationship that has an expiration date, and that I would think it over and tell her my decision. A few days later, I decided that I could be in a relationship this summer, however I would need her to be open to possibly rekindling the relationship in college if we both want to, because we will be so close. She disagreed, saying she would never want to be in a romantic relationship with me again after we break up for college. Then, she broke up with me, saying "this will not work" and things like that. That was last Thursday. It is now Monday of the next week. Over the past few days, especially right after the breakup, I texted her incessantly telling her I love her and want to make it work, and that if she were to want to come back, I would be there for her. I texted her friends, asking them how she was feeling, as i had done that the previous break up to learn she was devastated. This time, her friends told me she was not sad, and in fact was even relieved that the relationship was over. Around 2 days ago she had one of her friends tell me to stop contacting her and her friends, and that there was no hope for our relationship and that it was definitely over. In response, I said I understood and would try to move on. The next day, I went to her house to pick up things that I had left there. She left them on the porch, and I left her a loving, apologetic and thankful letter. This morning, I texted her one final time asking if she had read the letter, and she said that she had, but it had not changed her attitude and that I should stop contacting her because she is "more content than sad about our breakup because she put herself in that mindset." The previous times she broke up with me, she had said we have no chance of reconciling, but she too had been as devastated as me.

 

I am absolutely shattered. The girl that I love more than anything, and who I shared so many special moments with, and who told me she loved me just as much back no longer wants to be with me. She is my first love, my everything, my all. It is extremely difficult for me to refrain from texting her, as for some reason I will not let go of a tiny sliver of hope that she will come back to me, despite everything she has said. My question to you guys is, how do I move on? I truly do not think I will feel like this about anyone else again. Should I keep hope for reconciliation? Should I contact her again? What should I do? I am broken. And to make matters worse, I fear that she may already be moving towards being able to get with other guys, even though she has said that she will not be able to for a long time. We ended on me telling her I loved her and would be there for her if she needs me. She did not respond. What do I do? I met with a therapist today, and he said that it seems like the only way for me to get her back would be to stop contact with her and hope she misses me. The longest we've gone without contact in our relationship has been less than 48 hours.

[La.Primavera]

If you truly love and respect her then you have to respect her wishes and let her go. There is no if's or but's about it. She has made her decision, she is done. To keep contacting her would be harassment.

 

It is time to focus on yourself now. Pursue new interests and keep yourself busy. You are about to have amazing new experiences at college. Focus on all the things you want to do when your there. Spend time with your friends, keep active and have fun.

 

Breakups are tough, especially your first. It may feel like you will never find love again, but in time you will move on. You will get through this.