What is going on? What do I do?

[PUflight]

So my gf of a year broke up with me Monday, I'm 25 she's 23. Well herein lies the predicament. She still wants to be friends, so what do I do? She's called me a few times since we broke up and we talked about things,life and stuff. I have no idea why we broke up! She said she wants alone time, time to figure out her life, what she wants to do with it, etc and just doesn't want a relationship right now. She said I've been the perfect bf, never did anything wrong, treated her like a princess, etc. So I was like Why are you doing this? Our relationship had zero problems, we got along great, always had a fun time together, hardly ever argued and it was perfect. And everything was happy, then this came. It was a huge shock. She also stated that lately we were more of a friendship with physical aspects..isn't that what a relationship is?

 

Last night she called and I was asleep, so she just left me a message, then she called again earlier this evening, but I was busy trying to get out of the airplane and get to the hotel (I'm an airline pilot), so I called her back. We talked for about ten minutes, How are you doing stuff like that. And then I decided to tell her that I wanted to casually date her, back off of all seriousness, marriage talk/living together talk. She said she didn't know, she was doing this for herself (the time alone, not dating people stuff) but she agreed that she wanted to remain friends with the possibility of getting back together down the road, but she also stated she doesn't want any pressures from me. No big deal, I told her we'll just know when it's right. So we talked a little then that was it....

So my question is what do I do? Is there a chance we'll get back together? I figured this much, it's foolish for me to wait around, but at the sametime if I decided to pursue other avenues, it'll obviously be the end of us. And I do truly love this girl and feel that she could quite possibly be the one. So I figured I'd wait around a few months, not looking but at the sametime not going to turn down an opportunity that might be good. Seems good right?

Also here's another dilemma, haha. Her brother is getting married in June and she wants me to go with her, it would be a five day trip and I'm her date. So what's up with that? Is that the good moment as to where I figure out if something's going to happen or not?

 

I think I have a great job that people envy, make good money, good looking, have a great personality, laid back and fun to be around, so I don't know what to do,lol

Thanks for any help and sorry this is long, it's the whole story.

[lindya]

You can give her the fairytale, but maybe she needs to go out there and live through some of life's harsh realities before she can fully appreciate a fairytale.

[PUflight]

basically what I'm planning on doing is Backing off, not calling her, not bothering her. I'll leave all that up to her. I'm pretty sure she's going to end up missing me. We went from this perfect relationship, the best that either one of us has ever been in, and spending every evening that I wasn't sitting in a hotel together. I'm thinking she's going to get lonely and I'll leave that all up to her to make the move. In the meantime though, I've been looking for other options, eventhough she obviously is my first choice. I feel deep down that she's the one and I think she scared and confused herself by thinking too much about the future. We were so good together and everyone including mutual friends were in complete shock. So I'm going to show her I'm independant and don't need her in my life, eventhough I obviously do. I hate games, but it's looking like it's the only way to do this. I figure I'll go to that wedding with the hope of sparks rekindling but if there's still nothing I'm done.....

[Angeleyez2583]

Exactly. STOP THE PHONE CALLS. Stop talking to her completely. If she calls you, don't answer the phone. Also, you can either wait a couple days to call her back, or wait until she calls again. But when you call her back, make sure you make it a quick phone conversation. Be like, I have to go, I'm going out with friends. Or I'm busy right now, let me call you back later. It will drive her CRAZY. Oh, and don't go to the wedding with her. Unless you guys are back together at that point. But tell her something important came up for work and you have to cancel. If she calls you one day begging you back, just remember, she dumped you. (and if she really loves you and realizes her mistake she will do that). She broke your heart. So make her BEG, and I mean for awhile, how much you mean to her. Tell her if she can prove to you she's not going to do it again, then you'll think about it.

 

That way, the ball is in your court.

[ErinErinErin]

I think what is said is right...let her have the chance to really miss you- she will realize that she loves you and needs you...let her wonder what you are doing and who you are with...because she doesn't won you right now and can't control what is going on....

[PUflight]

Well thanks for the info everyone, I guess it boils down to me playing games, which I hate doing, but whatever. I'll follow the phone call advice, I'm not going to call her, and I won't answer when she calls, and I'll wait to return phone calls. Gonna be difficult, but I'll do it. I love this girl to death, but at the same time I'm moving on, had someone over tonight, just hung out nothing serious, but it's a start.....

[HoldOn]

It's not a game.

 

You don't owe her anything after she broke up with you.

[HoldOn]

Also here's another dilemma, haha. Her brother is getting married in June and she wants me to go with her, it would be a five day trip and I'm her date. So what's up with that?

 

ug. just sounds like she needs a date... and who is the most convenient, um... YOU!

[PUflight]

Well she called today, I didn't answer so I guess that's a start. Didn't leave a message, I think I'll conveniently miss the next call from her too. It's tough but I did it

[The Prototype]

Sadly, this seems to be the only way they will react. Which shows it is a petty, immature motivation.

 

Some people are too selfish to be in a relationship. The relationship SHOULD in theory be about the other person. if all of us thought this way, no relationship would unfulfilling. Everyone would have their needs met by their partner. Unfortunately, there is a prevailing mentality today of "I'm not happy this instant, I'm not getting what I need this second, me, me, me..."

 

Relationships are hard work' anyone who thinks they are going to be true bliss forever with no hardship is either being delusional, or not facing real world decisions and issues. I could get along well with anyone indefinitely, provided I never brought up politics, religion, children, values, morals, finances, family issues, health-care issues, etc. Unfortunately, these come up eventually whether you want them to or not...

 

Wonder why 50% of marriages end in divorce, and why 50% of those that survive describe themselves as "loveless" relationships? Boils down to a 25% chance for a happy, loving marriage!

 

Probably because people make excuses for bad behavior and will over look ANYTHING under the guise of "but we're in love!!"

 

I think the date for the wedding, while I imagine is something that is tempting (would be for me, admittedly), is only going to give her a false impression. Bad behavior should not be rewarded, IMO.

[PUflight]

Thanks for the response, I agree with it. I agree it is pretty immature when the no contact stuff is the only way they'll react, I figure it's better that way, I make it look like I'm not needy, I'm not sitting here begging for her back, and at the same time she's sitting here wondering what I'm doing, thinking she's losing me, etc... And I know for a fact she'll miss me, her roommate is never there and she always sits home alone, now I won't be there to keep her company and it'll bother her. I know her pretty well and she's the type of person that hates sitting home alone, either that or she already has someone,lol. in that case, I hope he screws her over like every single one of her past relationships, sounds bad, but then she'll realize what she had with me. But who knows if I'll be around, I've been in this situation before and had exes come back to me and a few come back but I was already involved. This one though was the one I wanted to keep, so we'll see. Time will tell.....

[PUflight]

So I'm sitting here on my computer and check my email, and I get this from my ex, no contact from me, makes me wonder what's going on here, I think my no contact thing is driving her nuts, hahaha

So what's up with this?

 

I tried to call you a few times this weekend/Friday. Maybe only twice,

but still. Nothing important but just calling. Once it went straight to

voicemail and another it rang and then went to voicemail, but I didn't'

leave a message either time. I didn't know what to say and you know how

much I hate messages- I barely check my own.

 

In regards to the Orbitz thing, you can email, mail or just give it to

me. All are an option you know. We could hang out or whatever... just

not you staying the night or too extreme. I know that may be a pain. But

the more I think about my pouting and being mad, it's silly really. I

know and you know, that I didn't like what happened. However I think we

both want to at least still be friends. I'm sorry for being so stubborn

or pigheaded or whatever other adjective you can think of to describe my

behavior. I didn't mean to be. I was angry, hurt and upset. My natural

reaction is to push people away and while that isn't fair, I can't help

but do so.

 

If you want, you can email or call me back. I'll try calling you later

as well. Have a good day.

[HoldOn]

lame.

 

My natural

reaction is to push people away and while that isn't fair, I can't help

but do so.

 

excuses....

 

 

 

I was angry, hurt and upset

 

what about?

[PUflight]

About what? I have no idea whatsoever!

[HoldOn]

That's super weird. She's upset, angry and whatever, but you don't know about what? You'd think she'd tell you... if she wants you to fix it! Argh....

 

My vote is that she's nuts and you should just let her go...

[RecordProducer]

I generally disagree with these people. See, the less a guy wants me the less I want him. If I were her, I'd say to myself "oh, he forgot me pretty fast so I did the right thing when I left him." You don't want her to be with you because she misses the attention and is lonely, but because she loves you.

I think you should answer her calls but don't call her. Actually the less you're around the more she will be getting used to you not being around. She is the one who broke up, not you so the reverse logic of 'no contact' doesn't apply here. In a few months you will be able to tell if this was just temporarily or permanent.

In my opinion she is not in love with you and honestly I advise you to start looking for new opportunities. You're probably not ready for it now, but perhaps in a few months. You have qualities and you will find the right one sooner or later.

[PUflight]

So, we talked tonight for the first time in like 5 days over the phone. She ended up calling me after she had written the email. She was just blabbing away about stuff and all of sudden I pulled up to my buddies place and I told her I had to go, I was going out. She was so disappointed/shocked it almost felt good. I told her she could call me whenever and all she could mutter was ok, it actually felt kind of good. So that's the latest. In the meantime I've been talking to this other girl, so things seem to be going pretty well for me, I've got a back up going on.......

[BrotherAaron]

Why you got to go and complicate things like that, RP?

 

I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. You can let them know that you love them, miss them, and would prefer to be with them - but they've also got to know that you can live without them because neediness is unattractive. I think that somehow you've got to let her know that you're still interested in her romantically, but make her initiate it if it's going to happen.

[PUflight]

Easier said than done,lol.

[julieg]

i think she has already moved on. she broke up with you but knew she was going to do it way before she did. take it from a girl who has been there. she loves you but loves herself more. she will lose it one day if she finds out you turned out to be the guy she should have never let go. move on and dont look back

[The Prototype]

BTW PUFlight, who do you fly for? I flew E-3s for the AF until 02, got medically retired after 5 years in. Damn left eye. Nice to see a fellow pilot on here.