amkxoxo Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I'm so confused. I'm more confused than I have ever been. I recently had a fling with a good guy friend until it came to a head. We were either going to be in a relationship or remain friends only. He wanted a relationship, while I was unsure. Being unsure, I told him we should be friends only unless I decide something permanent. My friend made me so happy and secure. He made me feel beautiful and I know he would treat me well. He gets my sarcasm and we laugh a lot. Also, recently my ex has moved back into the area. We had a fling two years ago, but he wouldn't commit to me because he knew he was moving away and his life wasn't in order. I tried to give him everything I had in order for it to work, but it takes two people and I was left hurt. My ex invited me over to his new place last night for some drinks and food. I went. I was dying to see him. I couldn't believe it had been two years. I didn't know how it would be, but for some reason, to my surprise it was like I saw him the other day. We got to talking and catching up. We clicked immediately again. It was like the chemistry we had just all flooded back. We were both a little flirty and it was fun. His roommate, also a friend of mine came home and the three of us drank and hung out to all hours of the night. I was too intoxicated to drive home and kept joking with them that I needed to test both of their beds to see which one I found comfortable, and that whichever one I choose that person has to sleep in the bathtub. It became a funny joke, when all along I think we knew I would end up in my ex's bed. Alas I did. He and I started watching a show on his bed. Then we cuddled up to watch it. Then that led to kissing etc... We didn't have sex. I never had sex with him years ago, and wasn't planning to suddenly after two years. He knew and understood that. We talked until all hours of the night too about us. About us two years ago and what happened. He told me he knew he hurt me and that I didn't do anything wrong. I'm sarcastic and sometimes he doesn't seem to react to my sarcasm. He told me that I was perfect two years ago and I still was and he cared so much about me. He said his way of protecting me was not committing to me. I told him that if I was so perfect why didn't he want to have me. Why wouldn't he have pinned me down. He said that how was he supposed to pin me down with a beat up crap car, living with his parents, being a waiter. I understood his mentality. I understand his decisions two years ago now more than I did then. I am not as bitter with him about it. I let him know that us being together in his bed and everything meant something to me. I wanted to make sense of what we were, are etc?? I let him know that I want something serious. He told me that I keep thinking and trying to jump to step 12 when we need to start at step 1. I told him okay and then he needed to initiate step 1. He cuddled me all night and held me so tight. He gives the best back rubs. We we up when he had to go to work this morning. I had accidentally given him two hickeys on his neck. He covered them to go to work. I thought they looked pretty well covered to me. We parted ways with a tight tight hug from him. He texted me an hour later and said "I hope your not mad at me." I was confused and asked him what he was talking about. He told me because so much happened last night and we talked about a lot. I told him that I like knowing what going to happen and I like being prepared with plans and knowledge. I told him how I didn't expect anything last night and am still processing it myself. I told him I didn't know where he wanted to go from here. I told him I was trying not to jump to step 12 but keep to step 1 like he seemed to want. We've been texting throughout the day about his work etc...I don't know how things are going to go. I have wanted my ex back for the last two years. I feel like this is all I dreamed of. But at the same time, I keep thinking of my guy friend. He makes me happy in a totally different way. My guy friend is more stable and secure at this time, but I can't seem to let go of my ex. I feel like if I don't try again with him, I will always wonder. I could get hurt again. I'm so confused.
VengeanceGuidesMe Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I wouldn't drag your friend into this. You should let him go. I mean if you're simply confused, then clearly your friend isn't it for you. As for your ex, sometimes we have these unanswered questions. I have one, and it was on my mind. I was in a relationship when she made it clear she wanted something with me, of which I didn't bail on my relationship. Fast forward 2 years, my relationship had ended and I found out we were living not far from each other. She came over and we hung out, but now she had a boyfriend. It stung a little, but in the end, it wasn't really a big deal for me. You have that question... but more likely than not, it wasn't meant to be or you would have made it work the first time. I would let them both go.
Grumpybutfun Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 (edited) Breathe. Slow down and remember that patience is your friend right now. This is life and how relationships work. We have to let things develop at an organic pace and not try to force things on us or other people. Be open and upfront with both of them about each other if you want to continue seeing where they each lead. My humble opinion is that your friend represents stability for you and you really aren't into him. Let him go if that is the case. If you have someone and jump into something with someone else, it means you don't care to lose them as much as you care to have an opportunity with the ex bf. Also remember, a long term history with you can make your ex bf feel very tender about you right now, but problems you had before will almost certainly resurface so figure out if that is fixable this time around. If not, let this guy go too. Relationships that last are either easy or they are made up of two people who love each other enough to work through just about anything with compassion and kindness. Best of luck, Grumps Edited June 30, 2015 by Grumpybutfun
Author amkxoxo Posted June 30, 2015 Author Posted June 30, 2015 Thank you Grumpy. I appreciate you commentary. I care about my friend. I think stability is what I need and want, but for whatever reason I've wanted my ex back from the time we parted. I can already see our past problems resurfacing and we spent one night together. He doesn't know what he wants. He cares about me but... I see that already. I feel like he doesn't pursue me like a regular guy. He never asked me out on a normal dinner and movie date. We are exactly where we were two years ago. Me sleeping over in his bed and snuggling and then going about our normal lives with no commitment. He kept saying to me how he wants to start at step one. I will ask him what step one is, because I don't know. I mentioned that maybe he should ask me out like a normal guy if that would be step one. But I feel like I do not get any straight answers as to what he means. Okay, maybe he wants to start totally over. Its going to be hard to pretend we don't know each other, but starting over requires some sort of dating or friendship. I don't know what he wants. I don't think its unreasonable for me to want to know that. He tells me I'm perfect and he cares about me and has my interests in mind, so then why aren't we dating??
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