ZA Dater Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Repeat after me the universal traits ladies like : Money : Status : Looks : Socially normal with lots of friends : Drinks : Loud and super confident. : Their friends like him. I am expecting much mud to be throw in my direction but I challenge anyone to prove that ladies don't find any of these important. As for being bitter and angry, sure I get that, I am in the same boat though it varies from day to day the extent of it. 2
ZA Dater Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Yet I still have a great woman. I am glad for you.
joseb Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Guys, I'm in my 40s and I have far more success with women now than I ever did in my 20s. A lot of my 30s was in a LTR but the part that wasn't was .... a lot of fun. A lot of it is attitude. Seriously.
mike_89 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 It's been 14 years [ ... ] those hearts. Well I have had roughly the same experiences you did (though I wasn't overweight, I was really underweight and only grew tall when I was 17 years old). Girls never spared me a look until I started rowing 6 times a week in a rowing team and the rest of the story is practically the same as yours, until I met my (now) ex. My ex is extremely attractive and very intelligent as well, basically a ton of good things. I could not fall in love with her though. It just did not happen. But I started a relationship with her anyway, lasted 2 years. And even though I did not fall in love with her, I did love her eventually. I learned that I still could love women, which I thought impossible: I thought I had been numbed down too much. In the end we were not fit for each other (she was too young and still had too many ambitions to travel and I could not bring up the patience anymore to deal with her manipulative guilting behaviour) so we broke up. I am really thankful for having met this girl because my experiences with her taught me so many things about myself. Now I know that I can still love (and be loved) and I look at women in a different way. My anger at these "double standards" has vanished because let us face it, we use exactly the same standards. Being angry because of these "double standards" is fairly hypocritical, they aren't double standards. The only thing to be angry about are the feminists claiming you should love obese women like normal women, those are the true double standards. But women not wanting to sleep with overweight (or underweight, small or unattractive) guys, that's not double standards, that's pretty much just how the dating game works. I'd say just find a girl that has all the qualities you are looking for (attractive, intelligent, whatever) and start a relationship with her. Even though you might not fall in love, you still might love her eventually. Learning you are not a bitter ******* incapable of love is powerful, it was for me at least.
guest569 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Sucks to be so amazingly perfect that no one can possibly date me because I'm too good. Wait, no one is perfect. Least of all the hateful, bitter people who have no qualms about breaking hearts? Wow.
baco Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 There is so much anger and generalization towards women in some of the posts. I think it's normal for women and men wanting to experiment sexually at a younger age, also as people they are still maturing, it's normal to make a few mistakes in our teens and even as young adults, I know I did. I really don't know if it applies to some of the cases described here, but sometimes at a young age women just don't want to enter a serious relantionship, so it's normal for them to reject guys that have a different views about the future of the relationship. You guys talk about women that rejected you when you were younger and now approach you, but the same can be said about men, how many men rejected a women in the past because she was just not attractive and a few years later the women becames hot and all of those guys surrond her like flies. We tend to focus in ourselfs and easily relate to people who have similar issues, but completely ignore the problems of others. 2
elaine567 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Some did invite me to try and maintain friendship, but usually I just blew them off. Anyway, whatever it was before, whether a lack of respect for myself (I had a lot of problems from childhood that involved alcoholic mother and drug addict father, and I did experiment a lot in college with drugs) or a lack of confidence, I had since fixed it. My problem isn't getting women now, it's actually caring about them. My problem is letting myself love and not just keep them all at an arms reach. I guess you need therapy, growing up in an dysfunctional household will have damaged you. There are four basic roles in the dysfunctional family:The Four Dysfunctional Family Roles ? A Blog About Toxic and Non-Toxic People - Which one were you? Also The Effects of Parental Alcoholism on ChildrenChildren of Alcoholics and Intimate Relationships Also investigate "The people pleaser". Trauma, rejection, neglect as a child will still be affecting you today. Your anger is a defensive reaction and designed to protect you from being hurt. Numbness, Emotional Blunting and the inabililty to love are also protective mechanisms. If you do not love anyone, if you do not get close, if you send them away, then they cannot hurt you.
ZA Dater Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 If you do not love anyone, if you do not get close, if you send them away, then they cannot hurt you. There is actually a lot of merit in doing that. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I think it's normal for women and men wanting to experiment sexually at a younger age, also as people they are still maturing, it's normal to make a few mistakes in our teens and even as young adults, I know I did. I think that for a lot of guys, constant rejection or lack of opportunity cuts much deeper than the usual "mistakes" made in dating, sex, and relationships. Trying to filter out the OP's individual circumstances, here's my take on things: -- In his early, formative dating years, the OP gained the sense that he wasn't good enough for girls to date and this bothered him greatly. -- Years later, he actually became what his younger self thought was "good enough" (Congrats! I hope someday I reach that point.) and started getting attention from women. -- However, this newly found power has not resulted in the satisfying emotional connections he thought it would. Now there is bitterness because he thinks the period when he wasn't "good enough" has robbed him from the ability to form these connections. I don't blame the OP for feeling bitter and I don't blame him for taking advantage of his attractiveness -- this is the "experimenting" guys are supposed to be doing when they are young. I find it interesting that player behavior is received very differently, in a negative way, once someone learns that he was a "nice guy". As if it's more acceptable from a man who has always had that opportunity and behavior from day 1. Anyway, I think there are multiple layers of healing needed. One, the OP needs to forgive/accept himself for not being "good enough" when younger. Two, the causal connection between this younger "not-good-enough" period and the future needs to be cut. How to do these things? I wish I knew. If I did, I wouldn't be on LS anymore! I do think that the suggestions for therapy or counseling should be taken seriously. 2
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 There is so much anger and generalization towards women in some of the posts. I think it's normal for women and men wanting to experiment sexually at a younger age, also as people they are still maturing, it's normal to make a few mistakes in our teens and even as young adults, I know I did. I really don't know if it applies to some of the cases described here, but sometimes at a young age women just don't want to enter a serious relantionship, so it's normal for them to reject guys that have a different views about the future of the relationship. You guys talk about women that rejected you when you were younger and now approach you, but the same can be said about men, how many men rejected a women in the past because she was just not attractive and a few years later the women becames hot and all of those guys surrond her like flies. We tend to focus in ourselfs and easily relate to people who have similar issues, but completely ignore the problems of others. Yes, for a lot of men, I guess me included, it feels like a competition 1
Author VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 smiley, I guess I should reiterate... no one is perfect, but I strive for it. In everything that I do, I am not happy with it unless it is perfect. The problem is that I spent years of being lonely, wondering what was wrong with me. Now that things are changing in that regards, I don't feel any less lonely. I just have sex now. I'm bitter because what the **** is so special about some girl that she thought she was better than me at one point? Where I thought there was happiness, I see mostly weakness. Elaine, thanks for the links, and I read through them. The one about the roles, I can see parts of those in myself, the fact that I am always cracking jokes at things that should be serious. That I am the golden child and my sister is the scape goat. My mom used to yell and yell at her, while I was above the law so to say. As I read the list of things that can describe those with alcoholic parents, I can't believe how much a lot of this resonates with myself. It was something I noticed when I was a kid that I never knew what to expect when visiting other families and I still don't like to be around other people's families because I don't know what to expect from them. Where's the drunk uncle that no one likes? Where's the dude that we're not sure what's wrong with him but he's family, so... I am insanely self critical. I'm not crazy, I don't call myself a dumb **** for making mistakes, but I expect perfection from myself. I don't want to get a part of an exam wrong, I don't want to go to this presentation without it being 100% ready, my own figures made with no imperfections, and experiments that work. I found it drives me. I welcomed it with open arms and let it push me into success with my education. And within this, my trust issues are apparent. I don't trust anyone to do anything for me. I don't want to depend on someone for something, I'd rather do it myself to make sure it gets done.. and done correctly. I don't want to have to give the excuse that "well, he did that part, or she was suppose to write it". I don't want someone to go do my shopping or someone to do my laundry because I don't want to be mad at them when they **** it up. And I assume most people are going to do it. I trust girls not to cheat, but I certainly push people away before I let them in. There are just a few of the things, that whole post was filled with things that sounded like me. I am inbetween jobs right now and am applying for positions in my field. I think as soon as I get health insurance, I'll make an appointment with a therapist. Oh, that MGTOW seemed like one of those scam sites bro. Like if you watch to the end of this video, I'll tell you how to pick up every hot chick in the bar using these two simple ideas. But before I go there, I want to tell you a story... That kind of shady. Anyway, I'm feel your anger and I totally understand your points. Though I would say I'm less angry and more bitter and frustrated, or maybe angry, but it just seems different. Or maybe you've learned to direct and find the source of your anger and mine is just blindly seething out of me. 2
Author VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 I'll check him out. I'm all about going my own way. I'm don't particularly like to subscribe to societal standards, monogamy, marriage, kids.. you know, what you need to do to build your happiness. I find it's less straight forward, and find that I prefer life many times to be single. It's just easier. I'll check it out anyway. I'm not opposed to listening to ideologies, even if I don't subscribe to them.
GorillaTheater Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 This is what happens when you spend too much time on the internet. It's really not healthy. And the internet is the only place this guy would talk to you like that. As per usual. 4
Author VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Gentlemen, let us remain civil-ish. I'm all for debate over cynical attitudes vs complacency or acceptance. Hell, I'd love to have an apocalypse either way. I'm 30 and confused about how I managed to mold myself, better myself, and become this person that women would want, only to realize that I don't want most of them. I mean I do at first, but weeks in to months in, to even a few years of a relationship, I'm unsatisfied and and unfulfilled. I want from listening to Queen's "I want somebody to love" and thinking that it was written by a guy who is lonely and can't get someone to love him to realizing it's about a guy who just can't find someone worthy of his love. Let's not ruin my bitter filled rant with pointless character attacks, regardless of who is the dick and who is not. 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Why is it hard for you understand? Most women want protection & security in a mate. Before pregnancy, they want the aggressive bad boy Alpha male types. After kids most want a guy to stay around & provide for or help with her kids. Basic human instincts. 1
jay1983 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Why is it hard for you understand? Most women want protection & security in a mate. Before pregnancy, they want the aggressive bad boy Alpha male types. After kids most want a guy to stay around & provide for or help with her kids. Basic human instincts. That's a very black and white picture. How many women spend a decade sleeping with some tatted gangster, then marry some computer nerd? 3
empresario Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Gentlemen, let us remain civil-ish. I'm all for debate over cynical attitudes vs complacency or acceptance. Hell, I'd love to have an apocalypse either way. I'm 30 and confused about how I managed to mold myself, better myself, and become this person that women would want, only to realize that I don't want most of them. I mean I do at first, but weeks in to months in, to even a few years of a relationship, I'm unsatisfied and and unfulfilled. I want from listening to Queen's "I want somebody to love" and thinking that it was written by a guy who is lonely and can't get someone to love him to realizing it's about a guy who just can't find someone worthy of his love. Let's not ruin my bitter filled rant with pointless character attacks, regardless of who is the dick and who is not. This is the internet. ANARCHY. Just kidding, I agree. It always boils down to what I said early. Are you happy? If not, work on changing the brain problem. I'm not speaking from ignorance. I am a late bloomer, too. You can't blame a whole population of females for the actions of a few. Doesn't improving one's self make you more attractive not just to future mates but to employers, friends, etc.? If you're going to hate them, hate your job for not liking you before you had a PhD. We improve so that we have more opportunities. Do what you'd like but at least get rid of the hatred. You are better than hate. 1
jay1983 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Gentlemen, let us remain civil-ish. I'm all for debate over cynical attitudes vs complacency or acceptance. Hell, I'd love to have an apocalypse either way. I'm 30 and confused about how I managed to mold myself, better myself, and become this person that women would want, only to realize that I don't want most of them. I mean I do at first, but weeks in to months in, to even a few years of a relationship, I'm unsatisfied and and unfulfilled. I want from listening to Queen's "I want somebody to love" and thinking that it was written by a guy who is lonely and can't get someone to love him to realizing it's about a guy who just can't find someone worthy of his love. Let's not ruin my bitter filled rant with pointless character attacks, regardless of who is the dick and who is not. Look it's really not that complicated. Most women don't like fat dudes or dudes who act like push overs. Most men don't like fat chciks or boring chicks and it doesn't matter how nice they are. Why didn't you get in shape and stop acting like a chump sooner? 1
Author VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Why is it hard for you understand? Most women want protection & security in a mate. Before pregnancy, they want the aggressive bad boy Alpha male types. After kids most want a guy to stay around & provide for or help with her kids. Basic human instincts. My problem isn't understanding this. My problem is that it pisses me off that I suffered loneliness, rejection, and the like from people that weren't any better than me and when I finally turned my self around over a 5 year period, I realized it. I'm annoyed because I thought I would be happy and in the end, I'm not. I want to find a girl who is worth my love, not some girl who made me her plan B. I know, some of you may say to find another girl, but it's that every girl was this. You can't blame a whole population of females for the actions of a few. Doesn't improving one's self make you more attractive not just to future mates but to employers, friends, etc.? If you're going to hate them, hate your job for not liking you before you had a PhD. We improve so that we have more opportunities. Do what you'd like but at least get rid of the hatred. You are better than hate. That's an interesting point of view, I'll think on it. I would love to not hate, but it's not a decision I made. It just happens/ed. I think Elaine has been pretty point on that it's possible my attitude is less related to women, just manifests this way, but I could be having issues of letting people in and trusting them from my childhood. I don't know. I want to find 'love', alas, I have no idea what it is I am looking for. I just don't want to sell my self short to a girl who isn't worthy and would have skipped over me because I wasn't what society called attractive at one time. Though, I don't know, but I think it has to be because I feel the anger rise everytime I see a feminist post on my facebook feed about what real women look like and about how [real] men are suppose to feel and think. I just find a hypocrisy in it all.
Author VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Why didn't you get in shape and stop acting like a chump sooner? Change doesn't happen over night. It's not as simple as, oh let me stop being fat. It took me 4 years of dedicated lifting to go from being weak to being able to bench 360 lbs. It took me 6 months to be able to run 2 miles without stopping. It took me 2 years of running 2-3 miles per day to shed 50 lbs. It took me 5 to get a phD.
jay1983 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Change doesn't happen over night. It's not as simple as, oh let me stop being fat. It took me 4 years of dedicated lifting to go from being weak to being able to bench 360 lbs. It took me 6 months to be able to run 2 miles without stopping. It took me 2 years of running 2-3 miles per day to shed 50 lbs. It took me 5 to get a phD. 2 years to lose 50 lbs? Dude you could've just stop eating so damn much and did that in 3 months. Did you really need a PhD?
Author VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Have you ever lost 50 pounds and kept it off? Don't minimize the challenge in it. It's not as easy as you think it is. It's a battle every day, not everyone is the same. I watch my 6'2" skinny friend pile away 1/2 a pizza, some bread sticks and skittles or 2 burgers and a brat at a bbq while I eat normal portions and lose nothing. Some people can eat pretty much anything and not gain weight. I, on the other hand, went vegetarian before I could lose weight. I eat nothing but fruits and vegetables now. It's not like I made a choice at some point to be fat. My dad thought dinner was a giant piece of red meat, a potato, and corn. Break fast was eggs, a lot of eggs. My mom loved to make pasta. I was in 4th grade when I got told that my cholesterol was high, even at an adult standard. Then, your only support system is being ****ing teased by everyone. Getting spit on at the bus stop, being called fat, being the butt of pranks at school, only to go home to a place where no one gives a **** either. I had a lot of **** to overcome to shed that 50 lbs, so don't tell me it's a simple choice. I ran 3 miles every other day at this track in grad school and lapped skinny kids, kids who gassed out at a mile at my pace and found it funny how many people would come up to me and tell me how impressed they were, as if it were the first time they got beat by a fat kid. The phD was just because I'm naturally an intellectual. I am always asking the questions of why. I was also good in school and thought I would have better job opportunities in the end. That and it never occurred to me to stop before the top. It's also a part of who I am. I don't want to stop until I can make all those ****ers in my past realize that I am better than they are. And what do you do when you get at the end and realize your goal and feel unsatisfied?
GorillaTheater Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I don't want to stop until I can make all those ****ers in my past realize that I am better than they are. And what do you do when you get at the end and realize your goal and feel unsatisfied? I think you may have answered that question with the sentence preceding it, not to mention your user name. There's a fair chance you've accomplished all that you have, which is considerable and impressive, not for yourself but rather to show up the various people who wronged you in the past. I think if you made these accomplishments strictly for yourself, you'd feel far more satisfied with everything you've done. My dime store analysis. Take it for what it's worth. 4
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 That's a very black and white picture. How many women spend a decade sleeping with some tatted gangster, then marry some computer nerd? We both know that doesn't happen. She'll end up with a Sancho like his PO. A step up from him, but can provide stability for raising the kids.
Recommended Posts