smiley12345 Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Hi, I made an account here and made this first post purely because I feel stuck and confused and I dont know what to do. I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends about what has happened, I have only told a friend small details and he was horrified and said my gf/ex is majorly in the wrong. So about 14 months ago I met a girl I really liked. From the get go I told myself in my head i'm gonna treat her real good and not hurt her like i have to a girl in the past. Pair that with the fact that she told me how badly she had went into depression because of her ex of 5 years cheating on her and the fact she grew up with only one parent made me be extra careful about her feelings and how i treat her. She told me if she hadnt met me and if i wasnt the amazing saviour angel that i am etc she would still be suffering from very bad depression. Anyway after a month or so she told me she really misses her ex and i have to help her get over him, it hurt me to hear that but i didnt tell her, i did my best to help her and gave her honest unbiased advice regarding him, being more like a best friend than a boyfriend. So about 2 months into our relationship, I had to temporarily relocate to a different city for 2 months. We were together but obviously long distance. She started talking to her ex again, and she somehow convinced me to give her permission to let them meet up as 'friends' she convinced my by saying she needs to to get over him and because of how much she is suffering by missing him etc. It obviously hurt me but I didnt want to add to her pain so i let her. A while later she started telling me she doesnt know who to be with, me or him, i did my best to convince her to be with me i told her how much ive helped her etc and i told her why would u wanna be with someone who made u suffer from depression and made u self harm and hurt u so much. I cant remember properly because this was like 11 months ago but for a few weeks we ended up in a situation that she is with both me and her ex at the same time, obviously her ex not knowing a thing. It became too much for me and i decided to break up with her, however she cried so much and said alot of emotional stuff and how much i mean to her, that i regretted breaking up with her and i went to her city the next day and we were back together, i cared for her and loved her so much i rather be her 2nd bf than not be with her at all. So after a while, her ex moved to a different city for uni and i moved back to her city. she told me she is upset her ex has moved away and broke up with her ex, but is happy because she can be with me properly now and i was happy too. She also revealed to me that whilst i was in the other city, she slept with her ex but was really really sorry and would never do anything like that again. I forgave her just like that. A few weeks into this, she started talking to her ex again. Looking back, i cant believe i was such a doormat but she somehow convinced me to let her go see her ex. The reason i used to hang on was she constantly told me im better than her ex and i make her happy and i help her with the depression her ex caused and she thinks i am 'the one' etc so i used to just think ok she needs some time to get over her ex. Anyway she started seeing her ex as 'friends' again, whilst me and her were still together. Then that turned into actually seeing him as bf/gf but she had promised me they wouldnt do anything more than kiss and hug. All this time she used to talk to me more, see me more, tell me she loves me more. Also, throughout the time ive been with her, she has hurt me by comparing me to her ex and saying he is better at stuff, and then sometimes she says im the complete opposite and says im the best and most amazing person alive. Anyway a few months later, her ex cheated on her. She came to me crying and absolutely distraught. During her crying she revealed to me she had sex with him and cant believe he still cheated on her. I obviously became angry and upset and she started having a go at me like 'stop being angry and upset why are u being like this, ur meant to be helping me' so i kept the pain inside and helped her get over him AGAIN and forgave her. We had a happy few months, until she started talking to him and seeing him again. This time i was so used to the pain i began to kind of not care about our relationship which led to arguments and what not. She was fed up of me not showing an effort that she tried to break up with me, i got very emotional and told her we cant break up and i will change, and i wanna be with her even if she is with him as long as they do nothing sexual (i regret that now, i should of let her break up). Anyway fast forward it to recent/current times and she is back with her ex. We argue alot and i dont show alot of effort. Yesterday i broke up with her and said i wanna be treated like someones 'the one' and i want to be loved properly and i mentioned my exes name who i havent had contact with for years and i said i want someone to love me like my ex does and not hurt me like she wouldnt of. After i said this to my gf she told me ive never hurt her so much and she is extremely hurt and heart broken and cant believe i did this etc. I broke up with her because in my mind i thought i would get back with my ex, i started talking to my ex and she said she needs time. I know i can get back with my ex eventually. But i am having second thoughts. I feel really bad about breaking up with my gf and hurting her. I dont know what to do Any advice please
Redhead14 Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Hi, I made an account here and made this first post purely because I feel stuck and confused and I dont know what to do. I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends about what has happened, I have only told a friend small details and he was horrified and said my gf/ex is majorly in the wrong. So about 14 months ago I met a girl I really liked. From the get go I told myself in my head i'm gonna treat her real good and not hurt her like i have to a girl in the past. Pair that with the fact that she told me how badly she had went into depression because of her ex of 5 years cheating on her and the fact she grew up with only one parent made me be extra careful about her feelings and how i treat her. She told me if she hadnt met me and if i wasnt the amazing saviour angel that i am etc she would still be suffering from very bad depression. Anyway after a month or so she told me she really misses her ex and i have to help her get over him, it hurt me to hear that but i didnt tell her, i did my best to help her and gave her honest unbiased advice regarding him, being more like a best friend than a boyfriend. So about 2 months into our relationship, I had to temporarily relocate to a different city for 2 months. We were together but obviously long distance. She started talking to her ex again, and she somehow convinced me to give her permission to let them meet up as 'friends' she convinced my by saying she needs to to get over him and because of how much she is suffering by missing him etc. It obviously hurt me but I didnt want to add to her pain so i let her. A while later she started telling me she doesnt know who to be with, me or him, i did my best to convince her to be with me i told her how much ive helped her etc and i told her why would u wanna be with someone who made u suffer from depression and made u self harm and hurt u so much. I cant remember properly because this was like 11 months ago but for a few weeks we ended up in a situation that she is with both me and her ex at the same time, obviously her ex not knowing a thing. It became too much for me and i decided to break up with her, however she cried so much and said alot of emotional stuff and how much i mean to her, that i regretted breaking up with her and i went to her city the next day and we were back together, i cared for her and loved her so much i rather be her 2nd bf than not be with her at all. So after a while, her ex moved to a different city for uni and i moved back to her city. she told me she is upset her ex has moved away and broke up with her ex, but is happy because she can be with me properly now and i was happy too. She also revealed to me that whilst i was in the other city, she slept with her ex but was really really sorry and would never do anything like that again. I forgave her just like that. A few weeks into this, she started talking to her ex again. Looking back, i cant believe i was such a doormat but she somehow convinced me to let her go see her ex. The reason i used to hang on was she constantly told me im better than her ex and i make her happy and i help her with the depression her ex caused and she thinks i am 'the one' etc so i used to just think ok she needs some time to get over her ex. Anyway she started seeing her ex as 'friends' again, whilst me and her were still together. Then that turned into actually seeing him as bf/gf but she had promised me they wouldnt do anything more than kiss and hug. All this time she used to talk to me more, see me more, tell me she loves me more. Also, throughout the time ive been with her, she has hurt me by comparing me to her ex and saying he is better at stuff, and then sometimes she says im the complete opposite and says im the best and most amazing person alive. Anyway a few months later, her ex cheated on her. She came to me crying and absolutely distraught. During her crying she revealed to me she had sex with him and cant believe he still cheated on her. I obviously became angry and upset and she started having a go at me like 'stop being angry and upset why are u being like this, ur meant to be helping me' so i kept the pain inside and helped her get over him AGAIN and forgave her. We had a happy few months, until she started talking to him and seeing him again. This time i was so used to the pain i began to kind of not care about our relationship which led to arguments and what not. She was fed up of me not showing an effort that she tried to break up with me, i got very emotional and told her we cant break up and i will change, and i wanna be with her even if she is with him as long as they do nothing sexual (i regret that now, i should of let her break up). Anyway fast forward it to recent/current times and she is back with her ex. We argue alot and i dont show alot of effort. Yesterday i broke up with her and said i wanna be treated like someones 'the one' and i want to be loved properly and i mentioned my exes name who i havent had contact with for years and i said i want someone to love me like my ex does and not hurt me like she wouldnt of. After i said this to my gf she told me ive never hurt her so much and she is extremely hurt and heart broken and cant believe i did this etc. I broke up with her because in my mind i thought i would get back with my ex, i started talking to my ex and she said she needs time. I know i can get back with my ex eventually. But i am having second thoughts. I feel really bad about breaking up with my gf and hurting her. I dont know what to do Any advice please Get a grip man. This woman kept repeating history on you and was hurting you! She wasn't meeting your needs PERIOD. Take some time to process all this. Forget about her and forget about your ex. Focus on your own life right now and figure out why you allowed all this to happen so it doesn't happen again. Get centered about what it is you need in a relationship and find one who can deliver and meet those needs. You've given this girl a number of chances, why would you give her a second thought? She was unreliable, untrustworthy and she told you that you hurt HER? That's blame shifting. Move on. Go no contact. 2
Toodaloo Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Any advice please Stay away from drama queens. Find yourself a girl that treats you with dignity and respect and do the same in return. If at any point you find yourself being used like this just use your feet and walk away. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 in my mind i thought i would get back with my ex -- by the way, you're starting to do what she's been doing. Struggling with a current relationship and seeking comfort and shelter by reaching out to an ex. 1
empresario Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I'll keep this brief. Let's say, ideally, you help her get over her ex and she is only with you. The second she feels 100% better, you don't think she will move on from you, too? You are not her boyfriend. You are an emotional outlet. She will and can never have respect for you because you don't have respect for yourself and she's seen that. I think both of you need to be single and/or make your own mistakes for a while. 2
Author smiley12345 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Posted June 30, 2015 hmm thanks for the replies people i really appreciate it. I let her get away with everything because i felt sorry for her il stop doing that
fitnessfan365 Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 She was trouble from the very beginning. I mean what type of woman tells a guy "I want you help in making me get over my ex"? You should have walked and never looked back. But instead you stuck around to be her therapist and long distance pen pal, while she got back together with her ex. The only reason why she even came back to you at all is because her ex cheated on her again. You were never with her to begin with because her heart/mind always belonged to her ex. However, where does she get off acting "hurt" whatsoever? All she did the whole time you knew her was rub her ex in your face. Yet, you mention an ex GF once when you finally decide to call it quits, and she has the nerve to act high and mighty? In my opinion, this woman is an awful, manipulative, human being and you need to drop her like a bad habit. 3
Author smiley12345 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Posted June 30, 2015 She was trouble from the very beginning. I mean what type of woman tells a guy "I want you help in making me get over my ex"? You should have walked and never looked back. But instead you stuck around to be her therapist and long distance pen pal, while she got back together with her ex. The only reason why she even came back to you at all is because her ex cheated on her again. You were never with her to begin with because her heart/mind always belonged to her ex. However, where does she get off acting "hurt" whatsoever? All she did the whole time you knew her was rub her ex in your face. Yet, you mention an ex GF once when you finally decide to call it quits, and she has the nerve to act high and mighty? In my opinion, this woman is an awful, manipulative, human being and you need to drop her like a bad habit. I know right, when i mention all the wrongs she has done and how much ive been hurt she ignores it plainly like i didnt say anything. And, I was stupid to 'try help her get over he ex' but it was because i believed her when she said she doesnt want to be with him but since she has been with him for so long it will take her time to stop thinking about him
fitnessfan365 Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I know right, when i mention all the wrongs she has done and how much ive been hurt she ignores it plainly like i didnt say anything. And, I was stupid to 'try help her get over he ex' but it was because i believed her when she said she doesnt want to be with him but since she has been with him for so long it will take her time to stop thinking about him The moral of this story is to focus on a woman's actions. She cay say that she cares about you all day long. But any woman who continues to sleep with ex, and rub your face in it, doesn't give a crap about you man. When a woman truly cares about you, you are her one and only. Unfortunately, her one and only was her ex BF and you were collateral damage. I'm hoping that you'll act like she's dead to you from now on. 2
katiemiller Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I would move on to someone else who is more emotionally stable. I know it's hard and I had to get over someone like this (he did really crappy things but kept coming back), but once I did it was great. A relationship that is an emotional roller coaster like this isn't fun. You are not having your needs filled and it's not fair to you. Once I moved one to a nice, stable guy it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulder and there was no more worrying. Let her go for now because she obviously needs time to fix her emotional issues. Say in a few years, she comes back and is emotionally ready for a relationship, give it another go. I'd hate for you to stay with her and then form resentment later on. No fun for either of you.
Versacehottie Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 ok, I try not to kick people when they are down and calling you a doormat or stupid won't help. This "gf" is one of the worst stories I've ever read on this site. Do not talk to her again ever. She is a user and untrustworthy. First of you need to build on the positive momentum you have going here. You've taken the first step and broken up with her. Based on your pattern with each other, staying broken up on your end may prove to be challenging. You have to get through it and do it though. Every time you "miss" her think of how humiliating and embarrassing it is to tell your love story. She is humiliating you. She is no good. There is nothing you could tell me that would make me recommend being with her. EVER. You need to put all your energy into getting on with your life. I suggest you spend as much time as you can working on your self-esteem so that you can have a balanced relationship the next time. Never be a counselor for someone's past relationship. That alone tells you what priority you are for them (number #2 at best) and it's a recipe for disaster. good luck.
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