lindya Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 I was in an on/off relationship that went on for 3 years. It was the usual thing where we were both wrong for eachother, but the chemistry was great and I was convinced that he was the big love of my life. We'd generally split up after 2 months, then after about 4 months whichever one of us had decided to end things this time would go crawling back to the other via the usual, chatty "just thought I'd get in touch....not trying to spark up the relationship again or anything like that" email. Presumably he'd break "no contact" for sexual purposes. Generally he'd have drifted away from me on the scent of some other woman. Some time would pass, and then I'd receive the chatty email. He'd then return, full of dewy-eyed renewed lust, insisting that no other woman seemed capable of meeting the standards I'd set (loosely interpreted as "she dumped me") and ruefully smiling that I seemed to be "the only one" (who would tolerate his crap). For me, it was always that I'd have got through the whole miserable break up period without contacting him. Then I'd start feeling better, would get a spring in my step again...and develop this feeling of complete and utter conviction that I was no longer in love with him. So naturally I'd contact him with this joyful revelation, and break the news that I was ready to be "just friends". Within no time, he'd have gleefully whizzed across town armed with a bottle of wine in his hand and a couple of condoms in his back pocket. I'd tick him off for being presumptious, he'd retort that I had my best silk undies on - and the whole destructive cycle would begin again. Fun at the time, though. I'm interested in hearing what does it for other people? Did you contact your ex because the pain has got too hard to bear - or was it because you had genuinely fooled yourself into believing that you really could be "just friends" with them?
laRubiaBonita Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 Originally posted by lindya Presumably he'd break "no contact" for sexual purposes. i think that is the ultimate answer in your case.
beesknees Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 i broke NC because of emotions. i wanted closure, and if i'm being honest, i wanted to hear him say that he loved me again. closure, shmozure... it wasn't worth it. i only hurt myself.
Author lindya Posted May 1, 2005 Author Posted May 1, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita i think that is the ultimate answer in your case. No doubt.
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 I'm gonna start NC after finals are over. I usually don't text the ex, but texted him tonight asking him about what I should do with telling my mom about getting accepted into a dif. school for nursing. (they're going to pay for everything and it's only 12 months instead of the original 18). I texted him saying this "how do i tell my mom I want to go to such and such school in the fall instead of the school I planned on going to." I highly doubt I'll go to this new school, but if I went there I'd be with friends from back in high school that I miss terribly. Plus the school is 5 hours from here, and I think I am well in need of a change of scenery. The only problem is this stupid lease I signed back in Jan. He wants to be good friends. I want to be good friends. He's all under this impression I am texting him b/c I want him back. Sometimes he'll answer, sometimes he won't (I hardley ever text him). I highly doubt u can be friends with ur ex, even if the person broke up with you. Stupid ex thinks like a girl, and thinks I have some stupid underlying scheme of trying to win him back. Just because all of the girls he's broke up in the past couldn't get over him, he has this ego about what a "wonderful guy he is." Lol... too bad i'm stronger than that.
Jadey Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 Everything. I just cant do it. Its too hard for me cos i have to see him everday at school..But i wouldnt want to not speak to him anyway..
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 ok so out of the 7 or 8 times I've texted him over the past 2 months, he's always texted me back. This is the first time he hasn't responded. And am I crying about it??? Hell no!
Meadows Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 Panic attacks and not thinking clearly - I broke NO CONTACT today when I was having a panic attack and thinking oh no - we haven't spoken in 3 weeks he might really think it's over - I don't want it to be over yet. Now I'm paying the price - for calling him I got a major dose of arrogance and had to listen to what a horrible person I am. I regret breaking no contact - BIG TIME. Don't do anything during panic attacks - that's my advice!!
whichwayisup Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 Don't do anything during panic attacks - that's my advice!! That's when you call a friend, write an email, vent it out (never PUT the email address in, just do a draft, then delete it!) or do a post about what you're feeling. Whatever you do, do NOT pick up the phone and dial the number, hit send on the email, or do any IM'ing/text messages... Keep busy, spend time with friends, have FUN...Just remember why and what it was that broke you guys up and remember the bad stuff...Ask yourself DO I really want that back in my life? Once your heart and head are together as one - Everything else will fall into place. Take back the power and TELL yourself 10000x that you are better off doing NC. Yes, it will hurt, but you won't die. Hang in there!!
Meadows Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 Yea I only hurt myself by calling him but I do feel better because at least now I can get closure. Where as before I didn't know what was going on and I was unable to get him off my mind for one second. I spilled my guts, was sweet and nice and swallowed a huge dose of pride - for what? To get stomped on and tortured. I called to tell him I miss him and love him and got nothing but cockiness and coldness in return. Now if he had of called me I would have said "Hey, we're fools, I love you and I'm glad you called". He not once said "Thanks for calling me I've missed you too". I'm a sucker for torture I guess. Now I'm back to No Contact but now I've got enough closure and pride to walk away and not look back or sit around waiting for him. It's truly over and I'm going on with my life.
Gottabestrong Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 I am usually quite good at sticking to NC. Not because I dont want to speak to him, but mostly because of my pride. I figure he dumped me so he should get in touch. Anyway, NC only ever gets really hard for me, when he starts contacting me. I feel really bad for ignoring him. And of course those contacts make me think something along the lines of "Hmm, if he still contacts me that must mean he still cares for me, and so maybe there is a chance of reconcilliation". Well, 7 months of being broken up and no chance of reconcilliation in sight should have taught me a lesson. I would be on week 6 weeks of NC now, but I broke it 3 weeks ago, because he practically begged me to give him some sign that I am still alive after I ignored him for about 3 weeks. So I caved and sent him a short message. Don't I regret that now. His concern was just a ploy to get me to reply and I fell for it. If I had stuck to NC I would be so much further along already, instead of counting the days until I finally reach 3 weeks. Don't break NC for anything, is my advice!
Author lindya Posted May 2, 2005 Author Posted May 2, 2005 I played that "no contact" game with the on/off guy I mentioned. We had a penultimate break up that seemed to have a real air of finality about it and lasted for a very lengthy period. When we got back together (hard to say whose idea...it was a mutual thing on that occasion) he talked about marriage, children etc. This was a first - he'd never before promised that we'd have any kind of future together - "don't promise what you might not deliver" being his mantra. So of course now it seemed as if we were having a proper relationship at last and I congratulated myself for having stuck to "no contact" for so long. Nothing like that to make a man realise how he really feels for you etc etc. A few months down the line, I went away on a work-related trip. When I came back, there was clearly something wrong. Turned out he'd slept with his best female friend - a woman who'd always been strongly opposed to me and my relationship with her pal. As well as sleeping with this woman, he'd had a lengthy discussion with her about me, and was now (surprise surprise) questioning whether our relationship could work. Obviously a huge argument ensued about all this, there was a lot of very painful discussion - and it was all completely pointless....because when things eventually calmed down he told me very bluntly and coldly that although I was his "favourite girlfriend" so far in life, he just didn't love me. He was sorry. Not much you can say to that. I agreed to "stay friends". Obviously we haven't, and I'm sure neither of us will ever be tempted to make a booty call to the other again. No contact, after that, was purely about healing myself from a very confusing and unpleasant break up. And as other people have pointed out on the board, that's probably the only really valid reason for no contact. Everything else is just games-playing, and you certainly can't "play" anyone into genuinely loving you.
Recommended Posts