Redhead14 Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I've been rejected twice within the past two months. Both were by guys that I initiated with first. Decided that guys prefer the chase, so I'll never initiate first ever again. Well, I agree that women should let the man initiate and demonstrate sincerity about dating her. However, men hesitate to initiate first as well because of rejection. This is a dance that really doesn't have music. They're afraid, we're afraid. If you initiate a date with a man and he accepts, you go from there, but what you do is give the reins back to him and sit back to let him demonstrate his clear interest going forward. You stop initiating for a little while and observe him. If you've initiated a date with a man and he declines, so be it. No big deal. It's the same thing a guy goes through. If you like to initiate or don't really mind or it's your style, what have you, stick with it. If you just did it to switch things up and weren't really comfortable with it, that comes across in your approach so the engagement attempt wasn't strong enough perhaps. Either way, it's just how it is. There are lots of guys who appreciate being approached. You just haven't found one yet 1
kendahke Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Not sure why i take rejection so hard but i do. I am 28 and have only been rejected 2-3 times. Its not something i am proud of because i missed many chances with girls because i wasnt 100% sure she was into me. The girls i asked out most of the time i knew for a fact they would say yes. Anyway few weeks ago i decided to delete all my old numbers from the phone and i was deleting two girls numbers who i was really attracted to back in college. One of them was a shy girl that was extremely beautiful but very shy. I met her in college and i had 3-4 classes with her but she never spoke to anyone in either class except me ( i am very outgoing so i talked to everyone). Anyway as we talked more in college i got her number and asked her out two times and both times she said she couldnt because she had full time job and full time college (she actually did so i believed her). Anyway fast forward 2 years after not texting her i shoot her a text before deleting her phone number and what do you know she responds. I was surprised and we texted back and forth 10 times... i ask her few questions she asks me few and convo is going smoothly. She mentiones that she has a full time job so i am thinking ok shes not as busy now. I text her that we should catch up and grab a coffee sometime and she doesnt respond after that. Honestly i am not even sure why i too it so hard but i have been feeling kinda down and i dont even know why... i mean i could text another girl right now and set up a date for this week but its been bugging me that she didnt even bother responding to me and i feel like all my energy has been drained. Anyway i am curious how many times have you been rejected and how do you deal with it? Does it affect you at all or do you not care? For the past 5 years that I've been single (after 13 years in a relationship), I have attempted to date and cultivate relationships and have been rejected every single time. To be fair, I've rejected some, too. I spent last year cultivating a LDR with every intention of flying over the UK to see him this year, but he crumpled by the beginning of the fall under so called "job and family problems", and I found that he had a brand new dating profile up on the site I found him on by January of this year. This year, I met a man who turned out to be an alcoholic mess who crumpled about a month into dating him. He had me competing with booze.. and told me he wanted me to compete with the booze. Ha! Not going to happen. I'm not giving up yet---I just read some posts on a facebook page and this mature couple met at a restaurant in Grand Central Station in NYC and started dating and got married. There is hope for me and others and age has nothing to do with it. Location and opportunity are the hurdles I need to overcome. I deal with it by just allowing myself to be disappointed and feel the disappointment then I dust myself off and get on with my life. If I'm inclined to search OLD for a date, I will. Otherwise, I don't think much about it. I'm at the point in my life where being alone for the rest of it isn't frightening to me. It is what it is and truth be told, I like the peace and quiet in my house, my heart and my mind. The right man will surface if that is what's supposed to happen. Til then, I'll be about Kendahke and doing what she likes and wants to do.
kendahke Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 also, rejection can also = dodged a bullet flip your paradigm around to serve you, not tear you down. 2
mr_dave Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I just got rejected an hour or so ago, and it feels bad! I don't approach women often, but only do so if upon meeting them I'm blown away to the extent that my inhibitions are overcome - I just HAVE to do it. Three girls in ten years at age 26. First pre-relationship rejection. At least I haven't invested years into it I guess!
SycamoreCircle Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Also, I've heard from women talking amongst themselves that rejection shouldn't be such a big deal for a man. "You got rejected, so what?" I don't know if that applies to them as well. I have heard more than one woman, on the cusp of being rejected by a guy, say to the guy "FYI, I've never been turned down." I guess they see that as a selling point.
Lokin4AReason Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 been rejected many of time(s) maybe because of why ( I don't have a clue ) along w/ being stood-up ( so I bring a book and read while I wait ) =0/ I just blow if off and try w/ someone else =0)
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Plenty of times.. Sometimes for silly reasons and other times for serious reasons. Sometimes it stings and other times I laugh about it. It's part of life.
Redhead14 Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Also, I've heard from women talking amongst themselves that rejection shouldn't be such a big deal for a man. "You got rejected, so what?" I don't know if that applies to them as well. I have heard more than one woman, on the cusp of being rejected by a guy, say to the guy "FYI, I've never been turned down." I guess they see that as a selling point. "FYI, I've never been turned down." -- That is self-validation to deflect the "rejection". And, unnecessary. To me that message is "too bad, you would have gotten laid . . ."
Author Curious-One Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 This was really intertesting to read hopefully i can get more replies
casey.lives Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 rejection is not abandonment... rejection to me is helpful, if anything. one less to worry about.. 1
Author Curious-One Posted September 29, 2016 Author Posted September 29, 2016 Interesting to read my old threads would love more opinions on this.
carhill Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Yeah, pretty cool to read old threads. As far as rejections, too many to comfortably remember. Sometimes getting older can be a blessing in that the memories fade, at least the emotional content. TBH, divorce cured me of a lot of that stuff. The realities are still there but they don't matter any more. Part of life. I can state I wasn't rejected maybe ten times and four of those turned into LTR's and one of those turned into a marriage. That's a marginally more pleasant memory
AMJ Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Getting rejected is the worst! I don't mind admitting that. Even when it's meaningless your pride still stings. And when it's from someone who actually matters, then it's just painful, obviously. I think learning how to handle all forms of rejection and criticism is a underrated quality. I actually feel bad for people who've never experienced rejection, because eventually something will not go their way in life and they will have no coping ability.
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