What am I supposed to do?

[biogal]

I've been dating a good friend for a couple of months. We've been friends for about 7 months and dating for about 2. I thought it was going to be just a hook-up sort of thing, since that's the only thing he says he's ever done. But almost immediately, it turned into dating without either of us saying anything. Scarily, he started accidentally saying he loved me and then saying oh **** I can't believe I just said that, sorry. He wanted to see me every single day, but I held back so that we were seeing each other every 2-3 days instead.

 

Now he's getting really weird. Saturday, right before I left his apartment, he said he wanted to think about some things. And I got a weird feeling and asked, things to do with us things or work things? He said both but that he didn't want to talk about it with me. Then last night he texted me to ask if I wanted to do something today and I said yes. I call him when I'm leaving work to ask what he wants to do and he said he made plans with someone else. Then we talked a bit more about work, etc. and then he said he really wants to talk to me but not over the phone and he'll see me later. I started to get upset... not yelling or anything but just asking questions like what does he want to talk about and why can't he talk about it with me now? Why did he make plans with someone when he had already made plans with me instead? He asked if I wanted him to cancel the plans with his friend and I said no. But then I kept asking him what he wanted to talk about and he started to get mad and said he had to go. But then he kept talking and said he didn't know what was going on, he didn't know if he was my boyfriend, if he wanted to be my boyfriend, etc. Then he said it wasn't fair for me to be upset about him seeing his friend because we never had concrete plans for tonight and I was just being manipulative and giving him psychological tests.

 

What is happening? I feel like he was the one rushing into things and freaked himself out and now he's taking it out on me... I really like him. We have an amazing time together and have never had a moment of unpleasantness until this. Should I just break up with him? After the way things have progressed, I think I do want him to be my boyfriend, but not if it's terrifying him this much. And I definitely don't want to be **** buddies now. I don't know what to do..

[pewpew]

It sounds like to me you both may just need a few days of non contact.

 

Let him get his thoughts together and the same applies to you. You both seem to be questioning where this is going or if you are ''official'' so I'd say best thing to do is take a few days to think things through both decide what you want then meet and tell each other how you feel.

[Redhead14]

I've been dating a good friend for a couple of months. We've been friends for about 7 months and dating for about 2. I thought it was going to be just a hook-up sort of thing, since that's the only thing he says he's ever done. But almost immediately, it turned into dating without either of us saying anything. Scarily, he started accidentally saying he loved me and then saying oh **** I can't believe I just said that, sorry. He wanted to see me every single day, but I held back so that we were seeing each other every 2-3 days instead.

 

Now he's getting really weird. Saturday, right before I left his apartment, he said he wanted to think about some things. And I got a weird feeling and asked, things to do with us things or work things? He said both but that he didn't want to talk about it with me. Then last night he texted me to ask if I wanted to do something today and I said yes. I call him when I'm leaving work to ask what he wants to do and he said he made plans with someone else. Then we talked a bit more about work, etc. and then he said he really wants to talk to me but not over the phone and he'll see me later. I started to get upset... not yelling or anything but just asking questions like what does he want to talk about and why can't he talk about it with me now? Why did he make plans with someone when he had already made plans with me instead? He asked if I wanted him to cancel the plans with his friend and I said no. But then I kept asking him what he wanted to talk about and he started to get mad and said he had to go. But then he kept talking and said he didn't know what was going on, he didn't know if he was my boyfriend, if he wanted to be my boyfriend, etc. Then he said it wasn't fair for me to be upset about him seeing his friend because we never had concrete plans for tonight and I was just being manipulative and giving him psychological tests.

 

What is happening? I feel like he was the one rushing into things and freaked himself out and now he's taking it out on me... I really like him. We have an amazing time together and have never had a moment of unpleasantness until this. Should I just break up with him? After the way things have progressed, I think I do want him to be my boyfriend, but not if it's terrifying him this much. And I definitely don't want to be **** buddies now. I don't know what to do..

 

Yes, he was rushing and has now come to that realization. He is now uncertain about what he wants with you. You need to give him some space. Sit back and let him come to you if he wants to. Don't initiate anything with him. Let him do that. Don't reach out to him first. When/if he contacts you, you be receptive and responsive. If he calls but doesn't ask to see you, don't bring it up or ask to see him. Let him demonstrate what he's decided he wants with you. Do this for the next month.

 

If he's dating you again in a way that doesn't indicate he wants a relationship with you and it's just casual or FWB and you want a relationship for yourself. You open a casual conversation about what you are looking for yourself and tell him that this arrangement won't work for you.

 

During this time you sit back and observe. Focus on your needs and whether or not this man has been meeting your early dating needs and what he's brought to the table thus far and whether or not you are feeling that he is a good candidate for you.

 

Do not pre-empt him by breaking up with him because you think he may break up with you. Let him show you first what he wants after having time to consider things. Mind-reading is a bad thing.