mjkcal Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Hi everyone, First, I have to say that this forum is by far the best I have seen on the web. Reading what others have written and the responses have been incredibly helpful. My girlfriend and I recently broke up. The weeks leading up to the breakup was quite complicated, involving her going to rehab, and coming back very confused and essentially a different person. She is an alcoholic. She waffled back and forth showing interest, then disinterest. It got so bad that I really questioned whether she was being deliberately cruel, or just going through a lot of confusion. She came to me and said she needed space to "figure herself out." I asked her to be completely honest with me, and if she wanted this to be over, to tell me. She wouldn't do so. She said she loved me and didn't want to lose me. I respected her wishes, and didn't reach out for about a week. Then I heard from her. She wanted to get together. We got together, and she behaved as though she was madly in love with me. She invited me to her place to have sex, and we did. We texted some that evening, and she seemed fine and happy. The very next day....adios...she ignored my messages. A few days later, I finally get a reply. She indicated she needed to be single for awhile, and she was too busy to call and tell me so, so she was doing it through text. Goodness, that stung. After several months together I expected at least a conversation. It was very insulting to have her lie and say she was too busy to give me a five minute convo. So, should I have replied? I didn't. I said nothing. I was insulted, and all I could think of were not kind things to say. I thought there is some credence to letting her have it. But then I also thought no response saves me the back and forth and if she can't give me a 5 minute convo, she doesn't deserve to know how I feel, and how much I care. Thoughts?
quattrob Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 If you didn't respond then you did the right thing. Breaking up with you through a small text and lying about being too busy to tell you in person is downright disrespectful, rude and selfish. She obviously wanted to avoid going through the difficult part of telling it to you in person or on the phone. She just sent you a small text telling you it's over so she didn't need to face you or go through the process of hearing you beg or making her feel guilty etc. I know it's hard to do but I wouldn't give her any kind of respond, that's the best respond you can give her. She WILL feel guilty at some point and it's going to bug her like crazy, when that time comes, I'd still ignore her. 1
pidgeon1010 Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Perfect! She doesn't deserve any response from you. I doubt this is the last you've heard from her though. 1
Satu Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Step one of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step program: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." It wouldn't be good for you to have that chaos running wild in your life...
Author mjkcal Posted June 30, 2015 Author Posted June 30, 2015 If you didn't respond then you did the right thing. Breaking up with you through a small text and lying about being too busy to tell you in person is downright disrespectful, rude and selfish. She obviously wanted to avoid going through the difficult part of telling it to you in person or on the phone. She just sent you a small text telling you it's over so she didn't need to face you or go through the process of hearing you beg or making her feel guilty etc. I know it's hard to do but I wouldn't give her any kind of respond, that's the best respond you can give her. She WILL feel guilty at some point and it's going to bug her like crazy, when that time comes, I'd still ignore her. Thanks for your comments. I agree she just wanted to avoid the unpleasant process. But, after months, I think she owed it to me. I mean come on, how can you do that to someone? Yeah I won't say a word to her unless I hear from her. Even if I do, it will have to be some massive apology on her part before I entertain speaking with her again. It's unacceptable. My gut says she ditched me for another guy. I won't lie the last several days have been hard, but it seems to me I have no choice but to just silent treat her.
Author mjkcal Posted June 30, 2015 Author Posted June 30, 2015 Perfect! She doesn't deserve any response from you. I doubt this is the last you've heard from her though. Glad you agree that it was the right decision. Why do you say I'll hear from her? Personal experience?
Author mjkcal Posted June 30, 2015 Author Posted June 30, 2015 Step one of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step program: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." It wouldn't be good for you to have that chaos running wild in your life... Yeah, true. I know she's likely to relapse and such based on statistics. The thing about this whole recovery, she's using it as a major excuse to just treat everyone however she wants. She has been saying "well I have to be selfish now it's all about me and my recovery." I understand the idea behind that, but it doesn't mean you get to dispense people in our life and disregard their feelings. It's not ok.
Author mjkcal Posted June 30, 2015 Author Posted June 30, 2015 I gotta ask though...what the heck is the basis of such wishy washy behavior? Any of your have experience with that? I mean asking for space, then suddenly wanting intimacy, then finally cutting completely lose of me...hard for me to grasp.
mightycpa Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Indecisiveness. Weakness. Selfishness. None of those are qualities you look for in a person.
kasop Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I gotta ask though...what the heck is the basis of such wishy washy behavior? Any of your have experience with that? I mean asking for space, then suddenly wanting intimacy, then finally cutting completely lose of me...hard for me to grasp. My ex dumped me the same exact way she wanted space.. so i stopped talking to her for 3 days.. she calls me and wants to get together.. she acted like she was in love.. next day i get the text and thats it. Its a self-ish way of breaking up. I believe our ex's are emotionally unstable and immature. Not good traits in a s/o.
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