smallb0ii Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I am thinking this is working, but just posted here to get a double confirmation. Just heard of NC rule right after breakup. Suggested not contacting for 10 days but contacted her after 6. I saw her more enthusiastic to talk and she admitted that she has not lost all her feelings for me. But she still have some latent anger at what happened. I am thinking to myself that I should not have given up so soon. So this time I suggested another 2 week NC and she suggested 3 weeks since I really wanted her to heal. So it began, and now she is using a plush toy that I gave her as a profile picture in that chatting application. All these are positive signs I believe? I mean if people usually take 30 days for proper recovery, and she can recover so significantly in 6 days as to put my plush as a profile picture, it must probably work if it's 3 weeks?
BC1980 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I am thinking this is working, but just posted here to get a double confirmation. Just heard of NC rule right after breakup. Suggested not contacting for 10 days but contacted her after 6. I saw her more enthusiastic to talk and she admitted that she has not lost all her feelings for me. But she still have some latent anger at what happened. I am thinking to myself that I should not have given up so soon. So this time I suggested another 2 week NC and she suggested 3 weeks since I really wanted her to heal. So it began, and now she is using a plush toy that I gave her as a profile picture in that chatting application. All these are positive signs I believe? I mean if people usually take 30 days for proper recovery, and she can recover so significantly in 6 days as to put my plush as a profile picture, it must probably work if it's 3 weeks? You misunderstand NC. I suggest you read the pinned thread about NC. It's meant to heal after a breakup, not as a tool to get someone back. NC isn't a cooling off period until you meet again, and there is no set time frame. Healing from a breakup takes much longer than 2-3 weeks anyway. 2
changeofseasons Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I use to think NC was only to give them space to miss me. But think logically, if you have to keep disappearing every so often to make them miss you, it's not worth it. But then again i dont know your situation, you didnt provide much. If you have to use manipulation to keep someone thats a bad sign, boo. 1
Author smallb0ii Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 I use to think NC was only to give them space to miss me. But think logically, if you have to keep disappearing every so often to make them miss you, it's not worth it. But then again i dont know your situation, you didnt provide much. If you have to use manipulation to keep someone thats a bad sign, boo. Not really, in fact I really want her to heal before getting back together. I don't think I am manipulating her because I told her right off that I do miss her (unlike manipulators who play mind games and lie about missing the ex or date other people), and I stated from the beginning how long the NC period lasts.
aloneinaz Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I don't think any relationship that requires "breaks" in them are on much of a solid foundation. A break is the first step to the real meaning, break up. If I had a blow out, argument or whatever w/my GF and she told me she wanted a 3 week break to recover or cool down, she'd get a permanent break from me. Healthy relationships typically don't have blow outs. They do have arguments that are generally worked thru together while not requiring a break. 3
darkbloom Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 30 days is not long enough to heal over a breakup. When you discuss with her NC and give her a specific number of days, you are dangling the carrot and making her jump for it. This is manipulation. Take the NC to heal and contact her only when you feel ready. 1
Author smallb0ii Posted June 30, 2015 Author Posted June 30, 2015 30 days is not long enough to heal over a breakup. When you discuss with her NC and give her a specific number of days, you are dangling the carrot and making her jump for it. This is manipulation. Take the NC to heal and contact her only when you feel ready. I mean, I actually suggested 2 and she changed it to 3. I will never use manipulation to win her. I genuinely want her to think things through and be rational. Imo not knowing when I will contact is exactly what I should avoid because leaving her to wonder when I do is manipulation. I even told her outright that if she changed her mind and contact her before two weeks, I will not respond not because I don't miss her but she probably hasn't truly healed.
Satu Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Its been scientifically proven that doing NC for exactly 17 days works. 2
darkbloom Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I mean, I actually suggested 2 and she changed it to 3. I will never use manipulation to win her. I genuinely want her to think things through and be rational. Imo not knowing when I will contact is exactly what I should avoid because leaving her to wonder when I do is manipulation. I even told her outright that if she changed her mind and contact her before two weeks, I will not respond not because I don't miss her but she probably hasn't truly healed. On/off relationships aren't healthy. It sounds like you guys break up only to get back together when you're lonely. I would encourage you to examine the reasons as to why you keep breaking up and see if they can be solved. Usually, you will both need to work on yourselves separately because you both trying to work on them together has caused you to be where you're at. I came out of a 4 year on/off relationship and I've been NC over 6 months. Our problems were not solvable. I can tell you at 6 months NC I am NOT healed. We too tried to go 2 weeks NC to see if that would work and it doesn't. It just hurts more the next time you break up.
aloneinaz Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Its been scientifically proven that doing NC for exactly 17 days works. Now that's funny right there! Reminds me of Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom. "Ya know, 240, 241.. whatever it takes".. 1
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