alphamale Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by slubberdegullion Why should a fellow change his stripes when he becomes involved in a relationship? I mean, if a man behaved a certain way and a woman was attracted to him, does it not only make sense that she likes the way he is? Secondly, what self-respecting woman would want a man whose personality changes with the tides? Superb question SLUBBERDEGULLION. I cannot answer it fully but I will say that when a man starts to get weak and becomes a blubbering idiot in love the woman will start to lose respect for him. I have seen it a number of times. You are correct that the woman is attracted to the initial qualities of the man and when he becomes desperate and pathetic and becomes over dependent on her then many times she will leave him for someone else. It is very impt that a man stay a man, whether he is in a relationship or not.
Author CurlyIam Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 Because when we fall in love with a person, it doesn't mean that we're blinded at his/her flaws. We just love them for their strong points more. And the more the relationship continues, the more some of these flaws are gonna bother the other person. that's why adjusment is needed. From both parties, not only men. Women are more eager to please, so maybe that's why men percieve that they don't change. Trust me, they do also! Why would a man change? For becoming a better person. For making the other person happier. As a sign of consideration, respect, devotion... love maybe? Because at times being an insensitive, uncommited jerk can push anyone away? I don't know. It involves making an effort. But mainly caring enough to give a damn! I hope I did answer all the questions.
alphamale Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Why would a man change? For becoming a better person. For making the other person happier. As a sign of consideration, respect, devotion... love maybe? a little bit of change and adjustment is going to happen surely along with compromise. but major changes should be avoided. Because at times being an insensitive, uncommited jerk can push anyone away? I don't know. Actually, CURLYIAM, I find that being an insensitive uncommited jerk tempered with being nice and giving sometimes works the best in keeping women coming back for more.
Author CurlyIam Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 "Actually, CURLYIAM, I find that being an insensitive uncommited jerk tempered with being nice and giving sometimes works the best in keeping women coming back for more." For how long? Dramma queens maybe, but even those have limited patience! Women who stay with this type of men have deeper issues, most certainly related to their childhood. No sane woman stays with a man desplaying such a behaviour for... I don't know... a limited period of time. Depends on her tolerance level and how good he is in bed. Best case scenario: one year and a half!
alphamale Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam For how long? for as long as I want Women who stay with this type of men have deeper issues, most certainly related to their childhood. No sane woman stays with a man desplaying such a behaviour for... I don't know... a limited period of time. This "type" of man I speak of is a normal man. Half way between sinner and saint. Women stay with this "type" of man forever.
Author CurlyIam Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale for as long as I want. Meaning as long as you compromise! I don't thik so! I think the minute you'll decide to stay with a girl FOREVER one of two shall happen: a.she'll kick your ass so hard you won't see it coming b.you'll stop acting like an arse You think it's your choice because you've never decided to stay with ONE woman. IT doesn't mean you're right, it means my theory is correct. You're scared s***less about the thought of staying with one woman FOREVER. Either that or the word FOREVER isn't to your liking .
Author CurlyIam Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 No offence, Alpha, I've always said that you're a very good thing in every girl's life that you've entered. You make them appreciate the rest of the men/give them another perspective and you have a great timing !
Author CurlyIam Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 Love ya, babe! I' heading more and more towads that direction!
alphamale Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam You're scared s***less about the thought of staying with one woman FOREVER. Either that or the word FOREVER isn't to your liking . Probably. But I cannot be with one woman forever. Why would I want to be? And I'm up front with women at the beginning and tell them that and when I do they become even MORE intreested in roping me in.
amy1975 Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Oh yes, people change. I don't think this is a gender issue either. Before i got pregnant with our son, I was planning on divorcing my husband, moving back out West, and basically breezing through my life from one tolerable job to another. Me and hubby weren't getting along, i had no respect for him (for reasons too complicated to discusse here), and couldn't wait to ditch him when i had the money. He had his problems with me, but that's for him to talk about. Then I got pregnant. I told him i wanted an abortion. He told me he wanted it. I told him if he didn't get **** together, i'd flush it down the toilet in a heartbeat. He said, don't. I told him that if i would have it, then he would share the responsbility for it, and if he screwed up in any way, i would ditch him with the kid, and take off. In a way, i wanted the baby too. I had the baby. And what happened was nothing short of a miracle. I became responsbile, and wanted to do more than 'breeze through my life" and bounce from job to job and guy to guy. and a I saw a completely different side of my husband-he is the best father any child could have. I have nothing by the utmost respect for him now. He changed, I changed, and we have Eric to thank. Having him was the best thing that happened to us. I know that having baby can trouble a troubled marriage even more, but it was opposite with us. Eric is now 4. Since he was born, I have completed a masters degree, and will be graduating with my juris doctor from a good lawschool this saturday! I sit for the bar in July. My husband is paid lobbyist for an HUGE special interest group-he gets to travel and loves his job. We look back at the people we were pre-Eric, and we want to vomit. We don't know who they are.
slubberdegullion Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Why would a man change? ...For making the other person happier. If the other party in a relationship isn't happy to begin with, no amount of outside influences - including a radical changing of the other's personality - is going to amount to the tiniest bit of difference. People do evolve over time, and that's all to the good providing they are doing it to please themselves and not someone else. But if one goes about a change so the other will love them more or whatever, then those changes are due to be either short-lived or generate resentment. I wish I didn't know whereof I speak on this, but I do.
SexKitten Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 d. yes, men can change their behaviour. anyone "can" change their behaviour. it's just a matter of whether they "will' which is usually where the problem lies.
Author CurlyIam Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale And I'm up front with women at the beginning and tell them that and when I do they become even MORE intreested in roping me in. There's your answer, you're not upfront with them. You're playing my bf game : in-between. It may work with some women. I can't remember who said it, but the one who loses isn't the one who leaves first, but the one that gets involved the least. Thank you, slubberdegullion. Somewhere, while reading your aswer, I've realised that if I don't like the man I'm with I should stop dating him, and not hope or try to change him. I've got little to no influence on himn like alpha's trying to say, he's got all the answers. Too bad for him!
alphamale Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam I've realised that if I don't like the man I'm with I should stop dating him, and not hope or try to change him. I've got little to no influence on himn like alpha's trying to say, he's got all the answers. Too bad for him! So then what are u gonna do, CURLYIAM? Find another b/f who you can walk all over and mold like playdough? A dude you can castrate and manipulate to your heart's content. You will be so sick of him so quick your head will spin like that girl in Exorcist . You will have no respect for him as a man and you will run back to this current b/f you have now. I know somewhat how the female mind works. You canot fool me because I am the omnipotent alphamale.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I know somewhat how the female mind works. You canot fool me because I am the omnipotent alphamale. Reading that quickly, I thought it said "the impotent alphamale". It's been a long week.
Author CurlyIam Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale So then what are u gonna do, CURLYIAM? Find another b/f who you can walk all over and mold like playdough? A dude you can castrate and manipulate to your heart's content. You will be so sick of him so quick your head will spin like that girl in Exorcist . You will have no respect for him as a man and you will run back to this current b/f you have now. I know somewhat how the female mind works. You canot fool me because I am the omnipotent alphamale. Yous solution would be to stick around a commitmentphobe, someone who'd do as he pelases with no regard to my needs, Al? Sorry, the only place I sometimes like to be dominated is in bed. I don't seek the secret pleasure of torturing myself in everyday life ! Not over nothing, anyway! I mean I could take flaws, given a something in return. The mere pleasure of a hunt ain't good enough for me. I'll be 25 in one month and 5 days exactly, I think it's about time I seek something more meaningful! Could be my biological clock ticking or something, God forbid !!!
Jtizzle Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 some men never change, some change for a minute and then the next minute figure thats not who or what he is and goes back to the same him. some can change for life and some can change for the time being..prime example.. me and bf met sep.4th, he got arrested around oct 20th for marijuana possession, got out on the 28th..told me that while he was in there he thought alot about things and didnt want to ever go back there again, and that he was considering quitting smokin..well i gave him incentive to quit, told him i would be his gf if he quit smoking..he did and we dated all the way up until feb.. we remained friends and spoke daily..he moved out from his moms and moved in with his aunt, and he developed a crush on a 32 yr old woman (he is 19).. i called him oneday to ask how he was doing, see if he was still doing good and not smokin, and he tol me he started up again, because of HER... now he changed his habits in order to be with and keep me, and he started his old habits to get her to LIKE him...so a man can change (somewhat )if they have the right incentive at the end
blind_otter Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 OR that could be proof that they don't change unless they want to change for themselves. I learned that in rehab. You can't get sober for someone else. I've had a lot of friends, family, and a few lovers who wanted me to quit smoking pot. Not gonna do it. Won't happen. Not until I want to do it.
Author CurlyIam Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Honestly, ALPHA is right. A lot of women go crazy for this type of man. You don't and that's cool, but by arguing back and forth with him you're just wasting energy. You're just nott he type of woman who likes that kinda man. Admittedly, I don't like that type of man either. But they still are attractive to me for some unknown reason. I'm honest with myself about it, I think most women like the "challenge" that changing a man presents. He says upfront that he doesn't want a committment or a serious relationship, woman sees this as "Mount Everest" and wants to conquer him with her body and mind and soul. It's just a thing that many many women do. That's where the "women like bad boys, good boys are boring" thing comes from. With a "good guy" there's nothing to conquer. No challenge. You're really helping my case here, BO ! What I was trying to say is that yes, bad boys are the ones f*cking the girl and they get to do it by playin' dirty. All's right in love and war. But please, don't say that they're being honest about their emotional availability, 'cause I really don't know ANY woman who'd say "yes" to a bad boy comin' straight at her, looking her in the eyes and asking her: "hey, babe, wanna fùck???"! Some women might prefer Mount Everest. It's true. Smart women look, taste, try, before buying. I prefer a man who has a stable job, nice car and isn't afraid that if he holds the door for me he'll look like a wimp to me or his friends. Or who calls when he promisses to call and makes the "huge" mistake of acknowledging that he had one special night with me. Tricks and game have their charm, but nothing beats confidence. It's exactly the good girl/bad girl paradox: bad girls have the most fun, good girls end up married to the guys bad girls had fun with. Yes, I'd rather be married to a good guy and be monotunously happy for the rest of my life, without having to worry about the new secretary, collegue, work mate, front desk girl ever again !!!
SadAndLonely Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Anyone can change. Ten years ago I was terribly insecure, clingy, shy, couldn't hold a job without quitting it, failed out of school, and was in terrible credit card debt. Now I'm about to graduate from college with a 4.0 GPA, am vice chair of my student org., see my boyfriend twice a week and let him call me, have held a job steadily since 1998, am really outgoing and have no problems talking to people or giving presentation, and have no debt. ANYONE can change.
RecordProducer Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC RP, not all men Some stay Princes, but the Ex wants to keep the crown. I think men change when they see what they could lose and don't want to lose it. Otherwise, if they don't see a real value to them in changing, forget it. This is only temporarily. C'mon, guys, we've all heard stories about people who have begged for a second chance, promised to change, kept the promise for a few months then went back to their old behavior. Only accept a man if he has already changed and stayed that way for a long time. For example if an alcoholic quit drinking and hasn't been drinking for a year and feels good about it, you might believe him that he might stay like that. Maybe not, but possibly yes. But mere promises mean nothing. People generally don't like to change. Imagine that somebody asked you to change. If you're a night owl and he wants you to go to sleep at 10 pm; if you like to have coffee and a cigarette in the morning and he wants you to exercise; if you love music and he asks you not to play it cuz he works at home; if you like to go out and he demands that you sit at home all the time; if you want children and he doesn't; if you like your long curly hair and he wants you to cut it short; if you like living in Paris and he wants to live in the country side or move to a country you don't like; if you like to feel relaxed and comfortable and he's all into discipline and order... In other words if you had to go against your nature, would you change?
alphamale Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Smart women look, taste, try, before buying. I prefer a man who has a stable job, nice car and isn't afraid that if he holds the door for me he'll look like a wimp to me or his friends. Or who calls when he promisses to call and makes the "huge" mistake of acknowledging that he had one special night with me. that's nice CURLYIAM. but the dude who can do all the above and still be a dick sometimes and act up and be independent, etc... will be the one who gets all the women. Yes, I'd rather be married to a good guy and be monotunously happy for the rest of my life, without having to worry about the new secretary, collegue, work mate, front desk girl ever again !!! usuaully what women say and what they actually do are two different universes!
Author CurlyIam Posted May 7, 2005 Author Posted May 7, 2005 He doesn't have to get all the women. He'll simply have me and I am a handfull! Oddly enough, I don't know if I ever told you, I'm the tyoe of girl men want to have relationship with. I've tried cheating on one of my bf back in highschool with a guy I met in the disco - a total knock out, I mean it! The significance of a fling is intense, but short, brief and meaningless. After 2 years, the guy would still call me and insist on seeing me - he was from another city. Regarding your first statement: no one can get "all the girls", you must at least put the in a row and then have them one by one. As for your last statement... yes I did give up a perfectly good relationship in the past and had my share of fun with bad boys. And now that I think of it, I even think I could take a bad boy, independent and strong headed, with one condition: no other women. Too bad they don't come with this feature, hihihi.
alphamale Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Regarding your first statement: no one can get "all the girls", you must at least put the in a row and then have them one by one. u know what I mean C.I.A., he will be in demand. As for your last statement... yes I did give up a perfectly good relationship in the past and had my share of fun with bad boys. And now that I think of it, I even think I could take a bad boy, independent and strong headed, with one condition: no other women. Too bad they don't come with this feature, hihihi. many of the qualities that women hate and despise about men are also the same qualities that they love. this works in reverse also.
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