CurlyIam Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 Let's make a pool here: Can man change: a. never b. an event can change a men's habits, but only for a short while c. an event can permenantely change a man's behaviour d. yes, men can change their behaviour. My bf had a car crush and he still is under its' very strong impression - he hit it both sides, didn't get hurt or kill anyone. Anyway, he seems changed. I see the look on his face and he tells me it was his wake up call. Do you thing that a far as men's behaviour towards women, can that be influenced by anything else than his own will/if that ever happens? Did you ever see it happen? How, when, for how long and why ? Have a nice evening and keep on posting, Curly
tlmp Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 B; not just men, everyone. you cant change a person. but yes, an event can, temporarily. once the shock/new/ euphoria/whatever wears off, you are left with the same foundation of character the person originally possessed.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 People can undergo changes in their lives which allow them to re-prioritize - and in turn that allows for them to make choices differently than they would have before those changes. My brother went off to boot camp and returned literally a changed man. Totally different. That happened with Mr. B. when our daughter was born. The experience of her birth, hospitalization, and subsequent care in her first year altered us both in terms of what we found to be important in life and we re-prioritized accordingly: and that included how we saw relationships as well. Mr. B's treatment of women and his behavior toward them is vastly different now than before we were together. The way we are now - the choices we make, etc are significantly different than before Miss B came along. Every day brings opportunities for growth and development, and we gladly take advantage of those opportunities. We left our past behind us and the changes we made in our priorities are permanent - and each new day cements those changes. We are basically the same, though - but our priorities are different. I can see how an experience like an accident could change someone. The key to permanent changes I guess depends on how dynamic the situation is. Once the accident becomes a faint memory, will he still be a changed man or will he revert? Its hard to say. What have you noticed that is different outside of what he is saying is different?
Author CurlyIam Posted May 1, 2005 Author Posted May 1, 2005 Can you re- formulate your question? I don't think I understand it ... me=English=pretty lame
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Can you re- formulate your question? I don't think I understand it ... me=English=pretty lame No problem. What have you noticed about him that is different? Have you noticed changes that he hasn't told you about?
Author CurlyIam Posted May 1, 2005 Author Posted May 1, 2005 Changes he didn't tell me about. Let's see... he didn't go to any party that his friends threw lately. He never goes out when he works the next day - he used to do that quite often. He had a pretty fast car before, he bought a little car this time and never drove with more than 100km/hour - his average was around 130 :blush:... something else... he's thinking of liquidating his speculative stocks, but that's because CAC40 looks like s*** these days... Nope, not that I've noticed. Maybe it's too soon to tell. He's speaking a whole lot more about moving closer to Paris and started throwing a time frame when talking about it... he never did that. I'm afraid he does these things only to get me back. But then if he keeps within these lines ALL THE TIME, I'm happy.
moimeme Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 Everybody can change. People who come close to losing their lives, as he surely did, can change a LOT because they realize what they've taken for granted. Driving at 130 all the time is sheer stupidity. Clearly, he felt invincible and finally, before he killed himself, you, or anybody else (at least I hope so), he's realized that he's as human and as liable to injury or death or sudden loss as any other mere mortal. So he's realized that life is precious and he better quit taking things for granted and pay attention to what he really wants. I'd be very surprised if he goes back to his old ways. Sounds like he needed to grow up a fair bit, actually.
Marshbear Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 D. Yes, men can change their behavior. An event in your life can make you change the way you think about things. Sometimes it requires lots of trying to change and other times it can happen quickly. It depends upon the person and the impression that the event made on them. It is definately in us to change.
d'Arthez Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 d. "yes, men can change their behavior." Sadly it often takes major life events to achieve change. A car accidents can be such an event. But that by no means guarantees that a man will cure himself of bad habits only. They might reinforce bad habits too. It depends a bit how you (as the third person) perceive these changes. Men's behavior towards women is influenced by a lot of things, willpower being only one of them, and usually not the strongest force in play. A car crash my have had an affect on his will, but not on most of the other forces into play. It is a bit like smoking. Not everybody reacts to the photographs of destroyed lungs in the same way - not everybody stops because of that. Not everybody who says he or she wants to stop, quits forever after a loved one died as a result of lung cancer. They may quit for a short while, or a longer while. But quiting for a single day, is no guarantee that the person will not have smoked a month later. How long the changes will last, I dare not predict. It may be a life-time, an it may be relatively short. It depends on the person. Some people grow up, and others fall in the same patterns, after a certain amount of time.
bluetuesday Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 yes curly, everyone has the ability to change once they have the will to do so.
Screenplay Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 I think C and not just men. If the event is powerful enough it can cause many things, like how others have mentioned the re-prioritizing but based on the same foundation. A person will always be themself, though the projection of themselves can change. I dont mean the whole "fake" aspect and changing their image, but more like if the foundation is the person they are and the projection being that of how they live. At least, I "think" I make sense.
RecordProducer Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 Yes men change in various ways: 1. They change every day (before they go to work); 2. They regularly change after dating you for a while (they turn from princes into asses); 3. They change women very often; 4. They change their opinions, feelings, promises, etc. 5. They change when you dump them and find another man.
alphamale Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam I see the look on his face and he tells me it was his wake up call. it's his wake up call to go out and buy a huge truck
ConfusedInOC Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Let's make a pool here: Can man change: a. never b. an event can change a men's habits, but only for a short while c. an event can permenantely change a man's behaviour d. yes, men can change their behaviour. My bf had a car crush and he still is under its' very strong impression - he hit it both sides, didn't get hurt or kill anyone. Anyway, he seems changed. I see the look on his face and he tells me it was his wake up call. Do you thing that a far as men's behaviour towards women, can that be influenced by anything else than his own will/if that ever happens? Did you ever see it happen? How, when, for how long and why ? Have a nice evening and keep on posting, Curly Yes, it's very possible if they really WANT to change. As with anything, if they aren't 100% sure they want to change, it won't happen. It has be a 100% commitment.
Author CurlyIam Posted May 2, 2005 Author Posted May 2, 2005 Bluetues, that's NOT what I was askin', . Obviously, if they want to change, they do eventually. I'm talking about those dreaded changes that involve female interaction. Record Producer, you've just confirmed my worse fears!
blind_otter Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by slubberdegullion Could also be that he suffered from a mild brain injury that was not diagnosed, which may cause a change in his behaviour. Also, if he's now suffering from headaches, that may also be why he doesn't seem as social anymore. This happened to me, after I started having seziures in 2003. My personality changed completely. I used to be extremely shallow and self-centered. EXTREMELY. Very into partying and going to raves and clubbing and getting trashed. But in the 2 years since, what were initially very extreme changes in personality have mellowed and I am kind of balancing into a person somewhat between the two extremes. This is what I think. Initially the change is always intense and obvious. Eventually it balances to a point somewhere between the end and the starting point.
HotCaliGirl Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 Unless there is a permanent chemical change in the brain - as from an accident, medication, etc. - I don't think men change. A life-threatening situation, or an infatuation with a woman may TEMPORARILY change their behavior. It's like a diet - 99% failure rate. BUT yes, there is that 1% who stick to it 100% for the rest of their lives and never again put on that last 5 pounds they lost. You know that saying "once a [color=red]cheater[/color], always a [color=red]cheater[/color]"..it's only a matter of time before he cheats again or that you are aware of it. (substitute above red word for any other word in the dictionary)
alphamale Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by HotCaliGirl Unless there is a permanent chemical change in the brain - as from an accident, medication, etc. - I don't think men change. I don't know HCG. Many men are like a fine french red wine. We get better as we age! I know some buddies that changed a lot after they had kids. They were skirt chasing party dudes in college and now they are married with kids they are very good family men. Age, time and experience can change both men and women. What u think of that HCG?
ConfusedInOC Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Yes men change in various ways: 1. They change every day (before they go to work); 2. They regularly change after dating you for a while (they turn from princes into asses); 3. They change women very often; 4. They change their opinions, feelings, promises, etc. 5. They change when you dump them and find another man. RP, not all men Some stay Princes, but the Ex wants to keep the crown. I think men change when they see what they could lose and don't want to lose it. Otherwise, if they don't see a real value to them in changing, forget it.
HotCaliGirl Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I know some buddies that changed a lot after they had kids. They were skirt chasing party dudes in college and now they are married with kids they are very good family men...What u think of that HCG? You know, once in a while you'll make a very good point alpha. I guess I can get caught up with personal experiences with men and get blinded. My brother in law is such an example - he was very irresponsible, got into trouble and the whole nine yards. When he married my sister and had children, he is a completely changed person - very responsible and even runs his own business. SO, I guess anyone can change if under the right circumstances...most of the examples I can think of now are of married men with children who like you say are very good family men. Thank goodness to that, if that's what it takes for some skirt chasers to sober up.
alphamale Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by HotCaliGirl You know, once in a while you'll make a very good point alpha. i think it is more than once in a while, HCG....but, whatever.
HotCaliGirl Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale i think it is more than once in a while, HCG....but, whatever. ok, let me rephrase that - a couple times in a while!
slubberdegullion Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 This discussion about if/do men change is missing an obvious question: Why? If a man does an about-face because of a life-changing event - such as head trauma or disease - that's one thing. But why should a man change otherwise? It's been said that men marry women hoping they won't change, but they do, and women marry men hoping they will change but they don't. That may or may not be true, but it begs the question: Why should a fellow change his stripes when he becomes involved in a relationship? I mean, if a man behaved a certain way and a woman was attracted to him, does it not only make sense that she likes the way he is? Secondly, what self-respecting woman would want a man whose personality changes with the tides? Just curious...
blind_otter Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 My personality changes. I want to be with someone who constantly strives to be better, learn more, expose themselves to different things, cultures, activities, people. All those things enrich someone and by a natural course, changes their personality.
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